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Parenting

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Original poster

Teacher wants his hair cut

77 replies

MrsSnape · 20/04/2008 20:50

I posted on here a while ago asking for opinions on my sons hair, I wanted to cut it, he wanted to have it long...you all sided with him and so he got to keep his "cool surfer dude" hair lol

Thing is he doesn't have the best reputation at school and he's always in trouble, simply refuses to do any work and spends his time messing around, being cheeky and disrupting the class.

The teacher has now said that his hair should be cut as when the front goes over his eyes it makes him lose concentration even more I'm sure she wouldn't say this about a girl's hair.

So do I continue to send him to school with his long hair as he likes it and risk being seen as a bad parent who encourages bad behaviour or get it cut to keep teacher happy?

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Original poster

MrsSnape · 20/04/2008 22:49

To be fair she did say she didn't mean all shaved off, just the front out of his eyes. And she didn't insist really, just suggested that as he finds it hard to concentrate anyway it would help if the hair wasn't in his eyes.

i didn't mean for this to be a serious debate, I was just curious about what others thought of it.

I'm not ignoring the behaviour.

OP posts:

Heated · 20/04/2008 22:49

How long is his hair? Does he usually have it tied back or is it loose?

If he's only 7, I think I might get it cut tbh, especially as tmmjaniter said, if he knew it had been mentioned by the school - does he know? I'd feel a bit differently if he were a teenager forging his own identity, the whole rite of passage malarkey, but 7 seems a bit young to be going through that stage.

Do you have good reasons for keeping it long?

I've just realised I've posted on your other thread too

Heated · 20/04/2008 22:50

Sorry I was agreeing with Janni, mmj is the OP!

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Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Beauty Families General education General parenting

ellingwoman · 20/04/2008 22:51

I don't think a teacher would suggest a haircut unless he or she felt it contributed to the behaviour problem.

This reminded me of a boy in yr1 who had a long fringe and sat on the carpet during learning time trying to blow upwards so his fringe moved. It was very annoying for the children sitting around him as he didn't even try to do it quietly!

themildmanneredjanitor · 20/04/2008 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heated · 20/04/2008 22:52

Forget who I thought it was[blush}, I'm horribly confused!

lilymolly · 20/04/2008 22:54

Just seen your other thread regarding your concerns with DS, sorry to hear you are going through this, and hope things work out for you

Original poster

MrsSnape · 20/04/2008 22:57

his hair is just about reaching his shoulders. There are a few reasons it is long, one is that he is very, very thin and when he has short hair his face looks even thinner and he looks ill. Secondly he has wavy blonde hair and its just lovely and a shame to cut and thirdly, he loves rock music so thats his reason for wanting it long.

Its not long enough yet to tie back thats why I'm reluctant to cut it, I'm trying to let the fringe grow out so that it can be tied back.

OP posts:

Heated · 20/04/2008 23:02

The teenage lads I teach have to alice band their hair or clip it back for all practical subjects if it's at that in-between stage. Does the school have any rules like that?

cory · 20/04/2008 23:12

My ds also 7 feels very strongly about having his hair long, seems to have something to do with his feeling of identity. For him it is to do with wanting to look like his Swedish cousins; he identifies very strongly with that half of his heritage. But I've been surprised at the strength of his feelings about this issue; I didn't think 7yos cared either way about their appearance.

Haven't heard of him being in trouble for it yet, though.

But then we haven't really heard any evidence that mrsSnape's ds is particularly using his hair to misbehave either (and plenty of evidence from other threads that she is concerned about his general behaviour and trying to tackle it).

Have to say I am finding the age of 7 a much more sensitive age than I expected.

madamez · 20/04/2008 23:14

Oh boy, people who think that the school should always be backed up, no matter what... 7 is old enough to know that some people let the tiniest smidgeon of authority go to their heads and start inventing petty rules to make themselves look big. 7 is also old enough to need to know that your parents are there for you if a teacher is being a twat.

Janni · 20/04/2008 23:20

Not sure about 'no matter what', madamez. Teachers are expected to manage and educate large numbers of small children, with precious few sanctions at their disposal. Parental cooperation is actually quite important to the smooth running of a class/school, and those who violently disagree with this should probably go down the home-ed route where their child can be as individual as they like.

nappyaddict · 20/04/2008 23:47

just get him to use a hairband to keep it out of his eyes - no need to cut it.

madamez · 21/04/2008 00:02

Janni, teachers are human beings which means that some of them are twats. It is actually very important for parents to listen to both sides of a story when something goes wrong and not automatically assume that Teacher is Right.

twinsetandpearls · 21/04/2008 01:06

If it were my son I would say you have a right to have long hair but do you know what other children have a right to learn and you are infringing ( nice choice of word) their rights. When you can respect the rights of others ( and the OP says he isn't at the moment) I will allow you to exercise your right to have long hair.

I would then take him to the barbers for a short back and sides.

nappyaddict · 21/04/2008 01:13

i think you might have to simplify it for a 7 year old, else you're most likely to just get huh? as a response.

Janni · 21/04/2008 09:47

I don't disagree with that, madamez. I would just say that if people want their children to get on well at school, they shouldn't encourage them to argue with or disrespect their teacher's wishes. Of course you should listen to your child's side of the story and have an adult to adult discussion with the teacher on their behalf if necessary, but I guarantee that rambunctious small boys, in particular, will not behave in school (and the OP is NOT happy about her son's behaviour, she has another thread about it too) if he thinks his parents will take his side against a teacher whom they consider to be, in your words, a twat.

There is, of course, another discussion to be had about the compatibility of our present schools and the nature of young boys, but if parents really do not see that they need to encourage their children to cooperate with the school, often at the expense of the child's individuality, they need to seriously consider home ed or a very 'alternative' school.

Or am I completely out of touch here??

seeker · 21/04/2008 10:06

I'm with you, Janni - maybe we're out of touch together.

essjayo · 21/04/2008 10:26

Just butting in here to say I'm also with u Janni. Do people really believe that teachers "let the tiniest smidgeon of authority go to their heads and start inventing petty rules to make themselves look big.. " Hair in the eyes is distracting in class, many schools will have rules about this that apply to both genders and I know girls who have been asked to change their hairstyles by their schools.

If you send a child to a particular school you sign up to their ethos and that means sticking to the rules - or change school.

Sorry for rant - realise it's not what the OP was on about but some of the responses on here made me a bit mad.

seeker · 21/04/2008 10:35

I have had children in education for 7 years now - and in all that time I have only come across one teacher who could possibly be described as having "let the tiniest smidgeon of authority go to their heads and start inventing petty rules to make themselves look big.. " And she was a supply teacher brought in as emergency cover. The Head listened to the children and the parents, she was told not to come back the next week and the Head taught the class himself rather than have her as no other supply was available.

cory · 21/04/2008 10:54

I am not well qualified to speak on this as my own 7yo shaggy ds is not actually in trouble at school; he is far too timid.

But as a general rule for dealing with 7 yos I find it helps to make the punishment fit the crime. He may not see the connection between having his hair cut and his general behaviour at school, even if grownups may find a link. Unless he is indeed using his hair to misbehave with (we haven't heard that yet), I think I might discipline him in some other way. Or at least explain it carefully to him.

I am all for backing up teachers- though I do sometimes wish my own dcs had not taken compliance quite so far. To crawl on your hands and knees into the toilet because the teacher doesn't want to unlock the disabled toilet and it doesn't occur to you that a teacher might be wrong- no, I'd rather have had somebody else's rebellious kids instead at that point. Dd's response to my outrage was 'but Mummy, you don't know what it's like at school; you're not supposed to question the teachers'. My reward for backing the school up at every point without thinking. These days I am a little more cautious to hear both sides.

jalopy · 21/04/2008 10:58

Don't let madamez wind you up.

TheFallenMadonna · 21/04/2008 11:30

Blimey. I'm a teacher, and the length of a pupil's hair is nothing to do with me. I do insist that all pupils have their hair tied back during practicals for safety reasons, and I would suggest a child whose hair flopped in their eyes clip it back. I kept hair grips for that purpose in my desk.

Get him to clip it back.

nappyaddict · 21/04/2008 11:48

are they allowed to have it loose if not doing a practical?

OrmIrian · 21/04/2008 11:53

Mine has long hair - well just below the nape of his neck. He has a fringe which is kept trimmed to avoid the shaggy pony thing (and the emo look - didn't know that's what it was) and looks very sweet. He has soft thick hair the colour of butter - just gorgeous. Judging by his dad and his grandfather's he won't keep it much beyond his mid-20s so I'm inclined to let him enjoy it now

He does tie it up for PE. He will have to do do in secondary in the science lab but if that's OK for him, that's Ok for me.

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