How involved are the grandparents in your kids life?

[Isittoomuchtoask]

What does life look like for you?

Do grandparents still have their own work, hobbies etc - or are they devoted to the family?

Do they come to you, or do you find that you are the one running the kids to theirs all the time?

Do they show any initiative in arranging days out, are they even interested in days out with the kids to adventure parks etc?

Do they offer childcare/help/a run to the park, or nothing unless you ask?

Did they help with the cost of any baby items needed? Pram, cot etc

Just curious.

My Dad and my MIL are extremely helpful and honestly don’t know what we’d do without them. They help with school drop offs and pick ups, help out over school holidays and will help if me and DP want a meal out/few hours childfree. We are all very close and help each other out which from what I’ve read since joining mumsnet is quite rare. I count myself incredibly lucky to have them

Bear in mind I live abroad, my parents are still in the UK.

We see my parents about once or year, we go to them for two weeks. So that's that side - very little involvement.

Dh's mum died a long time ago
FIL is 80 and lives 3 hours way, so we see him about four times a year. It's a chocolate bar and a hello type relationship before he sits down for adult conversation.

My mum and dad are very distant. Mum would refuse to have her photo taken with my sons. Have two photos of her and my eldest. One when he was born and his first birthday (now 19). My dad is more interested in my sons but still very distant 🤔

So:

Only devoted to themselves,
Some financial input for birthday's etc
We always go to them
And
Absolutely no childcare whatsoever

sadly less than I would hope. My own grandparents were very very involved, took us most weekends for the whole weekend. For my son, granted we live apart, but the most I get is about two meetups a year including one stay over at their house for a couple of days. I do think it's a shame and I wonder why there is less of a sense of obligation there but never mention it.

My parents have both my boys every sunday whilst i'm at work. My eldest sleeps over once a month. My mum also does a school run and collect for me once a week.

Both my parents still work but talk to my boys every day and see them at least twice a week. Mainly us going to them.

My side great My partners. Shit

My mum likes to have the children once a week. But will have them more to help out. Enjoys spending time with them.

My dad isn't really that bothered. He'd look after them if it was preplanned and he had nothing else on. I rarely ask him.

Hubbys parents don't seem that bothered. They'll help out if they can but often can't for strange reasons - they need to go to the supermarket or visit their parents at that time or can't leave the dog. (To me they don't really want to have the kids but hubby disagrees 😂)

My 3 have only one grandparent left now and she adores them, both sets of grandparents looked after my 1st two while i worked ,aprox 1 .5 days per week each set.
On days i didn't work my lovely fil would often pick up my eldest just to be with him , they were best mates, my dad too adored all 3.
I was very lucky and my children more so to have such loving involved grandparents.
We didn't live far from inlaws or my parents so saw them all a lot .

My parents…. When they treat me with respect, which is rare.
my MIL/PIL once or twice a month. Offer help, but never ever take any initiative and just want to cuddle the kids and be served tea when they come. If we do need a night away like a wedding we can rely on them. They live 30 minutes away so not easy to pop in and out.
but mostly, I feel unsupported and too often at the end of my tether and sad with my situation.

My parents see my DS every day, he is their world and he can do no wrong and they are so close which is lovely to watch.

He is the only GC and they have always helped with school runs, holidays etc so I am very very lucky.

His other set of GP, he sees once or twice a year when they can be bothered.

My parents are very involved, childcare for youngest 1 or 2 days a week, collect eldest from school twice a week, also have him to sleep once a month.

Often arranging day trips with them, very led by them we never push and may ask for couple odd nights a year babysitting

FIL is older than my parents but still has youngest 1 or 2 days a week, lives too far for school pick up but offers to help out in school holidays with eldest

They all love being involved which we are very fortunate. My grandparents also like to have the eldest to stay and play couple hours after school one day a week

Both sets of grandparents see my dc between 2-3 times each a week. They take it in turns to pick dc2 up from school. Sometimes, we all get together on weekends as well. We go out to child friendly places, although dc are older now so we don't need to go to soft play etc. Dc are spoiled by both sets of grandparents and have good relationships.

My parents had a MASSIVE input with my kids. Child minding when little. School pick up’s. Money for every achievement. If you asked them to do anything they would do it with delight. They don’t need minded anymore but the teens still regularly visit and stay with them. They organise this between themselves and just tell me they are going to grandparents. My 73 year old mother recently picked up my daughter from the pub as she was out in their village🤣 They love the craic of having them. I love that they are close. Even though they can drive me demented at times 🙈🤣

My parents will happily look after our 2yo whenever needed and overnight.
husband parents - not too interested unfortunately, do not offer to babysit, or come round etc

Our dc grandparents have all passed away.

my parents lived a couple of hours away so never saw the dc without us being there.

The IL’s lived locally. They did the odd evening of babysitting and a couple of days during the school summer holidays for us when our dc were younger (they’re older teens now) but nothing regular. They never took them out for the day without us. They were generous with ’pocket money’ and left dc some money in their wills.

One set are very involved remotely but live about 4 hours away. Always asking what the kids are doing, take a keen interest in their lives and achievements, very supportive and travel at every opportunity to be with them. They would literally drop everything if we needed.

Other set live 40 mins away and see the kids maybe twice a year. Take no interest really, have never offered to have them or offer any help even when seeing us struggle. I’ve tried hard to keep them in our kids lives. This year they came over once to drop off Easter Eggs. In July.

Not much input from any of them.

In-laws we'll see once every couple of months. Never cared for the children alone (never offered and wouldn't be confident enough). They never suggest any days out and couldn't buy the children gifts without a lot of input from us.

My mum we see 3x a year. She's an alcoholic so we have very little to do with her and of course she couldn't care for the kids.

My dad and step mum we see 3x a year but it's fun when we see them. They play games with the kids. They will have the kids alone for a few hours so we can have a break. We wouldn't ask more from them as they have done so much childcare for their other grandchildren.

GP on either side not very involved. My dad sees DS once a month for an hour (lives 3 hours away but all his family live in same area so he travels here to visit). Only sees DS with our supervision (my choice) but would be willing to help with childcare if we asked. Will help financially if I ask but I never do. Insisted to pay for DS school uniform etc and gives generously for DS for Xmas/ birthdays. My family make more of an effort at least and are genuinely interested and listen and remember what's going on in our lives

In-laws never bothered with their own children so their lack of attention/support isn't a suprise. Paid some money towards pram (very much appreciated) but beyond that they see DS for 45 mins a month (they live 10 mins away). I used to arrange to see them more but it was only ever really me making the effort to arrange anything so I stopped. They have never cared for DS on their own. Their relationship with him is for show. They come around, stick their cameras in his face but barely attempt any interaction/ play with him etc. They have never asked us to do a family day out together or anything like that. If you asked them anything about DS other than the absolute basics they wouldn't have a clue. They couldn't even remember what school he goes to.

MIL - No help with childcare, doesn't care to spend time with the kids, will show up for birthdays/Christmas but that's about it.

Neither set of Grandparents give a fuck. We see them probably once a year at Christmas.

I do drop off and pick up for my DGC (two families) over four days a week. DH & I also have them for sleepovers in the school holidays and quite often at weekends. They're the light of my life and I cherish the time I get to spend with them.

no involvement at all because “your children, you choice” according to my mum weirdly though she has my brothers children whenever he wants though 😕

Me and my mum live 2 minutes from each other I see her daily mon-fri and then at the weekends she goes and does what ever she is doing but will have my daughter 3/4 times a year over night. I.e my birthday my partners birthday and then just a couple random if need be. I go to her though she never comes to me but that’s exactly how I remember it growing up my Nan never came we always went and I’m happy with it x

My parents love all of their grandchildren to pieces. I have 2 siblings and one of my brothers has 2 sons while the other brother has a son and 2 daughters. So in total my parents have 10 grandchildren as I have 5 kids. All the kids see their grandparents a lot and somehow my parents have relationships with all of the children!! They do have their own hobbies but I think being grandparents are a big part of that. I'd say they come to us more but we are always happy to see them of course. They'll arrange day outs with the younger ones and the older ones go to see them. They love spending time with them and gave us a lot of gifts, yes, when we had our kids!! They are honestly the perfect, ideal grandparents and we are so grateful for them.

DH's dad passed away when he was in his teens sadly and he has never had a good relationship with his mother. He's got a brother that has a daughter and all the attention goes to her. She is a lovely girl and quite close to her cousins but I know my kids feel sad that their grandmother does not make an effort to see them. Sometimes, she will solely invite my son as he's her only grandson and it's nice to see them bond but I do feel for my other 4 daughters.