How involved are the grandparents in your kids life?

[Isittoomuchtoask]

What does life look like for you?

Do grandparents still have their own work, hobbies etc - or are they devoted to the family?

Do they come to you, or do you find that you are the one running the kids to theirs all the time?

Do they show any initiative in arranging days out, are they even interested in days out with the kids to adventure parks etc?

Do they offer childcare/help/a run to the park, or nothing unless you ask?

Did they help with the cost of any baby items needed? Pram, cot etc

Just curious.

3 are dead.
1 sees us monthly (he is 90min away), usually our suggestion unless he wants help with something.
Offers no childcare.
Has bought usual birthday/Christmas presents and some premium bonds. Nothing else financial.
Shows little interest and is often on his phone when around. Has spent more time helping with his girlfriend’s multiple grandchildren (including going on holidays with them).
Grandparent in name only.

Do grandparents still have their own work, hobbies etc - or are they devoted to the family? All retired but have hobbies and live their own lives, not devoted to family but interested in family.

Do they come to you, or do you find that you are the one running the kids to theirs all the time? Mostly us going to them but sometimes they come to us.

Do they show any initiative in arranging days out, are they even interested in days out with the kids to adventure parks etc? Never have taken children out by themselves or shown initiative in organising anything but have on occasion joined us on days out.

Do they offer childcare/help/a run to the park, or nothing unless you ask? Nothing unless asked, which we do once in a blue moon if there’s really no other option.

Did they help with the cost of any baby items needed? Pram, cot etc not really although they gave us gifts when they were born and obviously at birthdays and Christmas.

My mother hasn't acknowledged the birth of her granddaughter.
Ex's parents are both dead.
My dad has been fantastic. He works full time but we see him most days. He's never provided childcare in the sense that i am always there, however he plays with her for an hour or so which lets me get stuff done!. He's not very proactive when it comes to planning or organising things. I usually have to nag him to join us for a fun day out. When he does come out he really enjoys it. Most importantly though if I ever need him, I can trust he'd be there in a heartbeat.

My parents loved my kids and helped with childcare. Mum carried on when dad died. I do the same with my grandkids as both my girls work full time so I want to take the pressure off them. We see each other every weekend and holiday together.

My grandmother was really involved with my children,my mum and dad still are involved too albeit they're adults now and always have been (they adore her and my dad)
My husband's side couldn't have been less interested if they'd tried
Mother in law in particular is so bad she gets my adult children's names wrong all the time ,which in my opinion is utterly awful and great grandparents on that side haven't seen them for years

Virtually no GP involvement whatsoever despite them living locally.

Main reason is they are quite elderly and claim they’ve done their bit with GC as our DC is nearly 20 years younger than their other GC. (our siblings DC not ours).

No childcare support. Ridiculous to think they’d ever offer to assist for even an hour. No nursery or school pick ups. No financial assistance at all despite them providing all of the above for other GC.

They are not really a big part of our lives.

We always go to them, but neither set drive and its considerably easier and quicker for us to go to them than them attempting public transport and also both sets have a bigger house than us anyway so its more comfortable for everyone to go to them. Both sets happy to help out financially if needed and give the children regular pocket money on top of buying birthday and Christmas presents. We alternate weeks, so one set one weekend, the other set the other. I think we're pretty lucky really.

Grandparent here. I work sometimes. At the minute I'm not. I live in the same town as my grandchildren but driving not walking distance. I help out when I'm asked to if, if possible. (I say that because I have a good social life and am often out at weekends) I stay overnight at their house or the children stay at mine if necessary. I do pick ups and drop offs from schools when asked. I take them for days out by myself during school holidays. I wait until I'm asked because there are other grandparents who also want to do their bit, and my grandchildren and their parents have very busy lives with lots of activities going on. I see them most weeks, if I'm not helping out they pop round at the weekend for Sunday dinner or just a catch up. I wouldn't cancel a social event I was going to unless it was an emergency. I gave money for baby items before they were born but it wasn't a lot, I'm not that well off and my children are. I feel very lucky to see them so often, and I love spending time with them.

My parents bought us a pram (which cost more than my first car). They come once a week and pick DD up from school and make tea. It's great, I'm very lucky.

My parents were late thirties when I was born, so retired soon after DC 1 was born. They both continued with volunteering roles and hobbies.

They bought our buggy for us and some beautiful art for the DCs’ rooms.

We saw them about once a week (25 mins away), probably 50/50 at theirs and ours.

When the DC started school, they did 2 pick ups a week, taking them to after school activities and then back home.

My DF encouraged both of them with music practice, took them to concerts etc from about age 5 or 6.

Both grandparents came to watch sporting fixtures.

But that is what their parents had done for me and my sister, so it was normal in our family, if you see what I mean. I expect that DH and I will do the same if we end up with any grandkids!

PIL had both died before DH and I even met, let alone had our DC. My DM had health issues and DF was her carer so they weren't able to do much in the way of practical help but adored all their DGC and had a good relationship with them. They were generous financially.

Our kids are older now - but we lived (and still live) fairly near our parents, both sets being in their 60s for most of the time the kids were younger.

In-laws were both running their own businesses full time, and still are now in their mid-to-late 70s. My my mum was only working fairly ad hoc due to illness and couldn't offer regular childcare each week due to her health but would have them for a few days in holidays, or pick up from school if we couldn't or a child was ill and had to go home early etc. For in-laws, childcare or visits had to be more on their terms, which was fair given they were working ft - I could ask my mum to have them, in-laws it was more if they offered to, again this was fair enough as circumstances were different.

Both were pretty involved but their lives didn't revolve around grandkids at all.

No relationship with my inlaws at all. The way they behaved (more so my mil) during ivf, pregnancy and postpartum was so nasty we went no contact.

They were absolutely horrendous and reminded me of a mean version of the animals from the story ‘The Little Red Hen’ they didn’t want to help during the stressful journey we had trying to have a baby (in fact actively made our lives harder and for me a living hell) but the once the baby arrived they wanted to side step me and take over.

My mother sadly is very unwell and in another country. Such a pity as she was such an imaginative mother and my child will miss out on that.

However we have very close friends that are our chosen family. Thank god for them.

They have DS every morning before school and do drop off. In winter months they pick up from school and keep DS til I finish work. They have DS overnight occasionally and take on days out because they want to, I don't have to ask.

They both work full time, one seasonal hence picking up on dark nights.

They are amazing and I am so grateful for them.

I’ll add to that my pil’s parents were very supportive of fil (their son) and mil, paid for their house deposit, helped them do up their first home and provided full time childcare so they could work. No intention of doing that for their own son though.

Didn’t expect it at all, and wouldn’t want it because I can’t stand them. But the mind boggles how DH’s lovely grandparents raised such a son. (Who married someone even more selfish)

MIL sees dc at our house (we aren’t allowed at her house as per her bastard partner) maybe once every 6-8 weeks. I don’t think she’s ever taken them out anywhere ever in 11+ years. She has looked after them at ours overnight maybe twice in that time.

I am NC with my family, but back before we were NC years ago, we might see my mum 2-3 times a year, again at ours. Dc have never been to her house, but she lives a plane flight away. I think she watched them overnight at ours once probably 6 years ago.

No real help with buying anything, though they must have bought us gifts when the dc were born.

Mum and dad were amazing when ds was young. They were 70 when he was born but v active and v young for their ages, more like 50 year olds. In their outlook too. They looked after him 3 days a week when we worked and were really involved taking him on special little trips out, picking him up from school, occasional sleepovers. They absolutely loved spending time with him and were the best gp's (and parents) you could ask for. Mil and fil were also really close to ds and very supportive too. All gp's helped out without being asked, they were so kind and generous with love and time. My ds was very lucky to have 4 loving grandparents who adored him, as he did them. Sadly mil, fil and my lovely dad have all passed away now but our son, 19 has wonderful memories and misses them all especially my dad to whom he was extremely close. His relationship with them all means he still has a very close bond with my mum and see's her regularly. My mum idolises him. She still says caring for him when he was young was one of the best, happiest periods of her life.

My parents have absolutely no interest in their grandchildren. Never have them over, never babysit, birthday money really trivial sums. “We have our own lives” they tell me. My parents are very wealthy, but have no interest in any financial help for us or the kids, who are now teenagers.

Tbh we rarely see them and they have no interest in a relationship with us. They retired in their early fifties and have a lovely time over the last +25 years going on foreign trips, nice hotels, meals, antiques and nick nacks. They live five miles down the road.

The kids have 2 grandparents dead and two alive. One is very very involved because she knows she does not have much time left to be their lives and the other does not even remember their birthdays or Christmas.

it’s odd to me but it’s his loss not mine or the kids

Both sets of GPs are super involved, but we do all live really close to one another. They help with childcare weekly and will have overnights whenever we ask. I think the main thing is that it doesn’t feel transactional and they genuinely enjoy spending time with the kids. Don’t know what we’d do without them.

2 are dead
1 absent
2 aren't very involved
1 is amazing, will have my kids, supports me, often has my youngest for me sometime for several days at a time, they dont drive and im happy to drop kids to her because shes having my kids! We often all go out as a family. And I run errands for her take to appointments etc. We just help each other.