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Original poster

Tell me how you love your second child?

72 replies

VivalaDiva · 19/04/2008 19:38

DS1 is my life, my universe. I love him so much it hurts. Me, DS and DH make a perfect little family unit. We've been ttc for over a year and finally got a bpf. I'm scared that I won't feel the same about the new baby. Is it possible to feel the same amount of love? Is this a normal anxiety to have? Tell me your stories.

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Scramble · 19/04/2008 21:50

Funny my DS no1 asked me this he thought he was getting less love because he had a sister. I explained that all the love I felt for him I still had for him and that I didn't have to divide it between them as when DD was born so came a whole new bunch of love. I think with each child born a new feeling of love is born and that in no way affects the love you already have for others.

Original poster

VivalaDiva · 20/04/2008 09:25

Thank you all. You've given me such encouragement that the love will just appear. I'm quite excited now!

OP posts:

laughalot · 20/04/2008 12:20

Oh gosh I think every parent feels this the 2/3/4 time round. I was so worried that I wouldnt love another as much as I love my ds but when my dd came along I loved them both to pices and could just eat them up as they are so scrummy.

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sweetkitty · 20/04/2008 12:30

It's amazing when the second one does come along and you think "oh we know what we are doing etc" and they are completely different to the first in every way. Totally amazing but totally different.

My two have just come inside after playing out in the garden chasing each other and playing games with each other and hearing the giggles and the laughter and DD1 looking after DD2 your heart just melts looking at them (makes up for the fighting as well )

I say the greatest gift I will ever give DD1 is DD2.

Bky · 20/04/2008 12:33

I felt the same, actually all the way through my pregnacy, I knew I wanted my baby but just couldn't see how I would love her like DD1 or how she would fit into our family.

BUT...she is 5 weeks old now and fast asleep on my lap, as soon as I saw her I knew she was mine and I loved her, looking back seems strange that I thought I wouldn't be able to.

I thought she would really throw our little family off balence, but she hasn't. My two are 18 months apart so it hasn't been a stroll in the park, but I am so glad they are both here.

totalmisfit · 20/04/2008 12:40

what a lovely thread. we're thinking of trying for dc2 in the autumn and i had been worried about this too. dd is an amazing character, and to my mind completely perfect. i can't imagine loving another child as much as i love her, but this thread has reassured me that i will.

cory · 20/04/2008 20:03

I agree with Bink; one of the best things is seeing them love each other. They hide it well sometimes , but you catch glimpses and it's one of the most wonderfully emotional things you can see.

Coming into big sister's room late at night and finding them both asleep in each other's arms because little brother has had a nightmare and she has comforted him. Listening to them sharing a joke or a story or a playground experience that is totally incomprehensible to adults. Seeing dd go into hospital clutching ds's get-well card as if it had unique healing powers.

My2Monkeys · 21/04/2008 10:08

This is making me well up too! I think every mother worries about this - I certainly did. DS1 was so special, so unique, that surely I could never feel the same about another child? And whereas I'd sailed through my first pgcy, loving every minute of it, the 2nd one was rough, mlade worse of course by looking after a toddler.

I would say that it was a slow process both times, the bonding happened over weeks rather than overnight, but it was no less intense the second time. Today I look at DS2 who is now 1 1/2 and think "how on earth can he be so totally different from DS1, and yet just as lovely, wonderful, funny, all in his own way?"

I sent my Mum some photos recently, and she said exactly the same thing: she used to think it wouldn't be possible for a baby to be as cute as DS1 but if anything she thinks DS2 is even cuter

PotPourri · 22/04/2008 10:22

Have you tried a natural remedy?

Try using cider vinegar (any vinegar works though). Soak a cotton bud tip or small bit of cotton wool in it and attach to the wart with a plaster. Do each day until it dries out and falls off.

PotPourri · 22/04/2008 10:23

Sorry sorry, wrong thread - I had 2 windows open (dizzy pregnant potpourri!!)

QuintessentialShadows · 22/04/2008 10:27

It is not like you have a set quota of love that you spread out, so there will be less to go around for each child. There is just more love. Having a secon is going to add a whole lot of more love to your life.

I am bursting with love for both my sons. They are totally and utterly adorable and lovely and fantabulous. There is a 3 year age gap, so it is a little different, my youngest is still totally edible and so cute I just want to scooooooop him up, but I cant do that with my oldest. He is satisfied with the odd hug and "hair ruffle". So I end up going to DS2 for a cuddle when DS1 has had enough of me and just goes "MUUUUUUM enough hugging".

I am totally soppy. sorry.

Lizzylou · 22/04/2008 10:35

"I say the greatest gift I will ever give DD1 is DD2"

That is so true Sweetkitty! The DS's adore each other and have so much fun playing together/ganging up on me

They sit next to each other holding hands and telling each other that they are "Best friends" and that they love each other.

Vivaladiva, be excited, and good luck!

SlackSally · 22/04/2008 17:39

Has anyone ever had the opposite worry. IE 'What if I can't give as much to DC2 as I did to DC1 because I'll also have a demanding toddler?'

CorrieDale · 22/04/2008 17:45

I worried like anything about this. And even used to say to DH 'this next one will have to go something to be nearly as good as DS'. And when I lifted DD up and held her, I loved her just as much as DS. And she's just a great a baby as he was. I now have so many people to love, I hardly recognise myself from the selfish self-centred bod I was 4 years ago.

LoveMyGirls · 22/04/2008 17:45

I felt incomplete until I had dd2 then when I was in hosital spending my first night with her I felt so sad and guilty I couldn't have dd1 with me too. I love them both although I sometimes worry dd1 gets overlooked because I'm so busy whereas before she was focused on 100%

pinkyminky · 22/04/2008 17:57

I love her to pieces. She is very different to DS, and then there is the interaction and love they have between themselves, which I also love. Don't worry, it means you will have more unconditional love in return, and so, even more to give!

Quattrocento · 22/04/2008 18:00

I adore my dc2 - I thought dh was frankly bonkers insisting on a second child when we loved dc1 so much and were majorly worried about how to survive having a second child

i'm so very glad dh insisted

ByTheSea · 22/04/2008 18:04

DD2 (almost 6 and my second child by birth, although fourth in the family) and I spent this morning before school and a bit after school telling each other how we love each other way more than infinity. She is the light of my life and my heart swells and I am feeling giddy even thinking about how much I love her -- even though I love the others so much too. Your heart will expand to allow plenty of room to love another - don't worry.

LittleMissTickles · 22/04/2008 18:21

I feel just how sweetkitty described. You cannot even imagine how different two children with the same genes can be! And to watch their love for each other grow is truly special.

I didn't bond so well for the first few months with DD1 (just too stressed out with the huge change and challenge of it), but with DD2 I was so much more relaxed and enjoyed it right from the start. Hope you will too. Our DD2 has really made our little family feel 'complete', as someone else said, could not even imagine what it would be like without her (boring jumps to mind!).

BitLessTiredNow · 22/04/2008 18:25

I have had a very similar experience - my love for ds1 after ivf was very intense and protective and I was so worried about the responsibility of it all and doing it all properly I made myself ill. ds2 is a v different character, and it didn't happen immediately but when he was about 3 months old I can remember sitting stroking his face thinking the world was only as big as the fingers my circles were making. I love him so very much and what is more, they adore each other too which I think is the hugest gift I could have given them, and why we had a third, whom both ds's adore too - whatever happens to me and dh, they will always have each other.

skidaddle · 24/04/2008 15:30

Viva - completely possible to love your DC2 as much, not to mention completely impossible not to. The only thing I have found is that i am sad that i cannot have DS (2nd baby) all to myself all day in the way i could with DD because he is number 2. I wish I could have had them both first IYKWIM so that i could properly cherish their babyhoods. Saying that it is so lovely to see DD kissing and hugging DS and telling me that he is her best friend in the world (he is only 19 weeks)

jenkel · 24/04/2008 15:49

After years of trying, eptopic pregnancies and lots of IVF treatment we finaly got our very longed for daughter, life was wonderful, at times I honestly thought I would never be a Mum. I am an only child and I was more than happy with just one, how could we possibly want more as she was our life.
Anyway, didnt take any contraception, after all why would I need to after 7 years of trying, resulting in IVF and 1 year after having my daughter found I was pregnant again. It was a tough pregnancy, I was quite ill, had lots of doubts very similar to yours, how could we love another and as I was an only child I didnt have first hand experience of siblings. I had the cold of all colds when I went into labour, had a awful birth, felt like everything was against me.
I hate to admit that I didnt bond immediately (something I will never tell her), I was just completed shattered. But once we were home everything went wonderfully.

I now look back and feel really guilty for all my feelings, I love them both the same, my older dd gets so much out of having a sister, they are close in age and are best friends. My family is not complete and I wouldnt want it any other way

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