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Original poster

Tell me how you love your second child?

72 replies

VivalaDiva · 19/04/2008 19:38

DS1 is my life, my universe. I love him so much it hurts. Me, DS and DH make a perfect little family unit. We've been ttc for over a year and finally got a bpf. I'm scared that I won't feel the same about the new baby. Is it possible to feel the same amount of love? Is this a normal anxiety to have? Tell me your stories.

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Tommy · 19/04/2008 19:58

I was worried about this when I was expecting DS2. When he was born I fell in love with him immediately - smash, bang, wallop - which I hadn't with DS1 as I think by then time DS1 was finally born after long and difficult labour I think I was just relieved he was OK. I also had trouble feeding DS1 and was quite unhappy for the first few weeks.

With DS2 it was so different - easy labour and birth and fed like a dream from day one and totally in love with him from the first moment. It actually made me love DS1 more (if that was possible!) as I realised what he had missed out on in those first few weeks

Bink · 19/04/2008 19:59

And don't forget the children will love each other.

That's the very best bit for me. That's when the family unit is truly more than the sum of its parts.

oxocube · 19/04/2008 20:01

You just do. You always think you couldn't possibly ever, then you just do.

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SpeckledHen · 19/04/2008 20:02

I described the love for my firstborn as like the Spring and the second as like the Summer.

brimfull · 19/04/2008 20:03

I waited 10 yrs for my second .

I love him soooo much.

When I see him and dd playing together I melt.

Makingdo · 19/04/2008 20:06

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JoanCrawford · 19/04/2008 20:08

I'll be totally honest with you diva, and it hurts to say this...the love didn't flow as freely and as quickly as it did with dd1.

With dd1 I was blown away with the utter devotion I felt for her - instantly.

It didn't happen like that 2nd time round for me BUT oh my god, my heart bursts for that child now. She is my baby, my everything, they both are. It kicked in slowly but surely over the first year. It really pains me to 'say' it out loud as I've never told anybody that. But that is how I felt.

They are so different and so bloody wonderful that I could get choked up thinking about it.

You will love your second every little bit as much as you do your ds

BugBearisBugBear · 19/04/2008 20:11

I am constantly stunned by how much I just love love love DD2, I could gobble her up, she makes my heart burst just looking at her.

I felt pretty meh when I was pregnant though .

And when they play together it just fills me with utter joy! Sounds schmaltzy, but it's so lovely to see them having crawling competitions up and down the hall giggling fit to burst .

(Until one of them crawls into the front door/radiator. Or DD2 decides to find out what eyes feel like.)

WatsTheStory · 19/04/2008 20:16

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muppetgirl · 19/04/2008 20:16

For me ds 2 has given me another chance at motherhood...I had ds 1 but had depression so did not bond/enjoy it and was very distant from ds 1.
Since ds 2's arrival we have really gelled as a family unit, I have 'Mummy Ollie' time with ds 1 and we both love it. You will be amazed at your capacity to love another child as much as your first. I love my 2 sons for their total difference to each other. 1 is loud, active, never stops the other is very placid, content and steady.

I love my family more each day and would now even consider a 3rd

Hassled · 19/04/2008 20:17

I have 4 DCs. It's not like you just have one fixed amount of love you have to divvy up between them - I think your capacity to love just grows and grows. I love them all very differently, because they are all so different, but to answer your OP yes, you can love DC2 (congratulations btw ) so much it hurts as well. DC2 will be a different personality but just as much a part of you.

muppetgirl · 19/04/2008 20:19

...and I just love saying 'My 2 sons' and then boring the pants off whoever I am talking to about them

WatsTheStory · 19/04/2008 20:19

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PotPourri · 19/04/2008 20:21

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wrinklytum · 19/04/2008 20:22

Like others have said the love just expands.

I found my second child a much more difficult baby than ds.She was constantly refluxy.Hard work as a little one.I often feel guilty that I did not feel the all encompassing love like I did for ds straight away,it took a few months to get over the screechy stage and I think I had undiagnosed PND and often wonder if I would have picked up on her sn earlier if I had bonded with her a bit sooner.I look at her now though and feel such a fierce love.Although she cannot communicate like other kids she just has the most drop-dead heart stoppingly beautiful smile,for all and sundry.The other day we were feeding ducks and she has just managed to start throwing bread for them and I was holding her up and she just looked so happy she had done it and gave me such a lovely grin it brought a lump to my throat.....

WideWebWitch · 19/04/2008 20:23

God, I love them both so madly, really, you DO love second children, absolutely.

ALMummy · 19/04/2008 20:24

I didnt have the rush of love for DS tbh. I loved him and was very protective but I fell in love with him more each day until he was around 6 months when the intensity of it suddenly overwhelmed me. Each day I couldnt believe I could love him more but I did.

It was all familiar with DD though, when they held her up to show her to me she looked identical to her brother and I fell in love with her immediately.

muppetgirl · 19/04/2008 20:31

I love the way everyone is being honnest about how they felt. Some loved instantly, some took a while but I think the thing to see is that they all love their second passionately eventually.

Talk about your thoughts and feelings but try not to let them encompass you.

I totally agree with whoever said that the love between siblings is amazing. Ds 1 loves ds 2 sooooo much and ds 2 adores his big brother. That melts your heart

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 19/04/2008 20:33

It took ages for me to 'fall inllive with DD1 but when DS2 came along it was instant. It was as if i knew what was cominga nd loved him uncontrollably fromt eh second I looked into his eyes. i love them both equally but so differently. They are so different. DD is clever, measured, artistic. DS is funny, enegetic, active. Different feelings, different chldren, different love - but still equal - wierd but true!

DabblesInIsketch · 19/04/2008 20:40

Have only read OP. and the answer IMHO is that dc 2 is sooo much easier! and does everything quicker! and you are so much calmer about it all!! The love will floooowww

bozza · 19/04/2008 20:42

I think I love DD differently to DS - but that is because they are different characters so we have different relationships. DS is the loveliest boy you could imagine - so easy going and self-possessed but curious and fun to be with. Bedtime cuddles with DS are lovely, chatting about the day after sharing our joint passion of reading. Don't get me wrong he is not perfect and we have our issues - my having to repeat myself 75 times before he responds, that kind of thing.

DD is very different, much more needy and volatile than DS, but bright and fun with it (at times). We have a very close, intense relationship, she is very much at the age where I am her role model .

Smithagain · 19/04/2008 21:27

It's true - the love expands to encompass everybody. And child no. 2 will astonish you by being totally unlike child no. 1, with their own personality and they will grab a bit of your heart that is all their own.

But I am going to confess to occasional bittersweet feelings of loss for the intense one-on-one relationship I had with DD1 when she was an only child. She doesn't always find it easy to share me and it is harder work making sure she knows that I love her as much as I ever did.

I wouldn't go back though. Because that would mean being without DD2 and that is totally unthinkable.

Lizzylou · 19/04/2008 21:37

I realised after having DS2 that this was a comon worry, and really nothing to worry about.
DS1 is almost exactly 2 years older than DS2. Pre-DS2, DS1 was my constant companion, my lunch date, we spent hours playing/reading/cuddling and I missed him when he went to bed. I adore DS1.
Now I have 2 boys and, despite feeling like I could never have enough love for another child, I adore them both. Truly. Sometimes I feel like my heart will burst, I love them so much. (yuk) I am so blessed.
Yes, they are hardwork. Yes it is different, not "new" which it is with the first, not so much a voyage of discovery.
My boys are so different and what worked for DS1 doesn't always for DS2, so thats a challenge.
I honestly couldn't love either of them more, and neither will you be able to. You won't be able to imagine it, like you couldn't imagine having your first baby and how much that would overwhelm you. But you will.
Congratulations and enjoy.

bozza · 19/04/2008 21:38

Totally agree with smithagain although I think it is actually DD (2nd child) who finds it harder to share me than DS. So it has made it harder than I would have liked to maintain my relationship with DS but I think we have managed OK. Like the bit about grabbing a bit of your heart that is their own - I think that is precisely it. I don't think you will love your second child like you do your first, it will be a different, but no less special, relationship.

foxythesnowfox · 19/04/2008 21:47

Love expands to fit each child, however many you have. Each child has different things which you will love for each of them, your love for each child is different but not any less.

What I have found is that I am less overwhelmed by my love for them and have learned to live with it. And I take it for granted. Except when sometimes I watch them sleeping and it wells up and I get that overwhelming feeling for each and every one. Its a priviledge, it really is.

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