TuesdaysChildIsBloodyDifficult ·
10/09/2024 04:15
I want to caveat this with I'm 3 days PP, I've had 4 hours sleep, max and I'm really bloody emotional, and this is not a discussion about co-sleeping.
As stated, 3 days PP, with my 1st, my husbands 2nd.
I have always been very clear that I do not wish the baby to co-sleep with us. There was a tragic incident in the village where I lived when I was a teenager and it has stuck with me.
For background, DH's ex suffered with her mental health and didn't/couldn't seek treatment so care of DSD was left to my now husband as she would often disappear out for days at time with mates. This, whilst giving me confidence in my DH having an idea of what he's doing, it's also given him an air of "I know what I'm doing" if that makes sense.
I first brought up co-sleeping when he said that his favourite memories were falling asleep with his DD asleep on his chest.
I explained my feelings and reasons and said that this was probably my one hard and fast No. But I did say that if the other parent was awake (for example this afternoon, I was awake, DH was napping with DC on his chest, I was in the room) it was a slightly different thing.
Tonight DC is not settling, my milk still hasn't come in, baby is hungry, and I'm beating myself up with Day Three Blues and feeling like I've starved my poor child. DH and I share a bed, DC in a moses basket next to the bed on my side. Baby is wailing, I'm trying to sooth, and wake up DH, who is snoring peacefully. I end up kicking him awake on the 15th attempt at asking him to help me because I'm REALLY FUCKING STRUGGLING. He gets up, picks baby up, walks around the bed, gets back in and puts baby on his chest. Tells me to go to sleep.
Am I being a dickhead or is he actively trying to upset me? We have had an incident earlier tonight where he had let me fall asleep with baby on me (I feel guilty, and I also asked why he didn't wake me/take baby as per my feelings) He said "it's OK when you fall asleep with the baby on you" No. It's not, I never said that! In fact I asked pre birth that he wake me or take the baby!
He then told me to stop stressing and that "it's fine".
But it's NOT fine. I'm terribly anxious about something horrible happening and he's just ignoring me.
Someone please talk rationally to me and help out an anxious FTM who's trying to keep her shit together on tea and custard creams.