Is it hard for everyone? Or am I just bad at it?

[Rosebudwater]

Feel like I'm failing on all fronts. Two kids 6 and 18 months, and work 4 days a week. im absolutely exhausted.

Summer holidays was a shit show of trying to sort childcare, trying to get eldest to any kind of summer club, trying to keep it together at work.

Now school is back I feel like I've fallen apart. My short term memory is so bad that I feel unable to recall basic things at work. I often just stare at my screen because I don't know where to start with tasks, like I've lost the ability to prioritize.
One or other child is invariably up at night, with illnesses or teeth or nightmares.

Things that normally helped like going to the gym have gone by the wayside because it feels like there is no time. My husband feels similarly. Will it always be like this or is this the trenches?

I don’t have kids but I imagine that yes for most people it is like this - to a point.

It will vary with job type, level of family support and income.

But there are regular thread on here that say similar - it’s why I didn’t want any.

It's like this for me with one 20 month old. I'm assured by people on here it will get better when she's 4!!

No it’s not just you. I have 4 but a lone parent so no husband or partner and it’s a real struggle.

Quite normal tbh.

I think it goes through patches of being this hard. Sleep deprivation makes everything much harder, but it won't last forever.

I've got 4DC and work compressed hours (4 days into 3, so I have to work after the kids are in bed). The 3 younger ones had chickeb pox last week and so I got very little sleep and realised I was a bit of a zombie at work and I called my boss by the wrong name... so you're not the only person who finds it tough, lots of people do. In my experience the bad patches become shorter and less often, and so you can cope with them by looking after yourself the rest of the time.

My advice is always sod the housework and do something to look after yourself. The housework will wait.

Mine are 10, 8 and 5. I work condensed hours over 4 days a week. It’s a Struggle for me remembering who needs to be where for their weekly activities (dance, football, Brownies) and remembering which days I need to book their wraparound care (changes weekly), and working. The housework, meal prep, keeping on top of just everything is bloody hard work. I’d find it a lot easier if I could outsource ie housework or even cooking when I’m working.

Yeah I think it’s normal, especially when they are little because they need so much physical help and constant attention. It is bloody exhausting.

I could have written the first part of your post.
Kids 3 & 7, work 4 days, I find school holidays really hard....mainly due to where I live. I find everything is relentless. The weeks whizz by in a blur of work, school, childcare, clubs, trying to do housework, grocery shopping etc.

I have no answers, and I do wonder when I see people saying how much they love the school holidays - maybe they work less hours, have more family support or maybe they just cope better than me, I don't know.

However it is good to know others feel the same.

Things that I find help a little:
-speaking or sending voice notes to my friends
-getting out of the house: we all get on better when not cooped up inside
-chocolate / coffee/ wine

• listening to podcasts
• exercise

Op it takes time but it does get better. The summer holidays can be tough as it's so full on, especially if local clubs are hard to come by

@Cheesecakecookie I really don't know why childfree people feel the urge to come onto the Parenting board of a parenting website and make comments like this to people who are under a lot of stress

You and husband both need one night where you do something for yourselves and the other is in charge (e.g Monday you can go to spinning and Wednesday he can go to football).
They are at a pretty horrid age/combination at the moment where they aren’t much fun and are just hard work but it will improve.

The sleep deprivation did that for me; everything was so much harder on lack of sleep. As my youngest got older it got better; I felt less like i was drowning and slowly like I was on top of things; illness and things like Christmas still throw me off but I use my annual leave for rest (between being off for kids) and make sure I make time for friends

Also when you can leave both your DC to do a job without them needing constant supervision it’s a game changer

No I feel like this with just the one.
School runs, expensive crap to entertain her that I I'm not interested in, work, housework, cooking, repeat. I'm finding it joyless and the weather doesn't help, pouring down for days so we end up cooped up inside

I have kids similar ages to yours and also work full time and I feel exactly the same as you. I’m hoping getting back to a routine after the summer holidays will help, but probably not. I’m going to make time to go to the gym at least once next week though!

I’m exactly the same. I have a 6m and 3yo and I’m barely surviving, and my husband is really hands on. Everyone else around me seems to be acing it.

It's hard and the exhaustion is a killer. I was lucky that my mum looked after my first 2 when I was at work, I was still knackered but at least didn't have to worry about school holidays. After baby number 3 I just gave up all the juggling and stayed home for some years. Yes we had less money but I at least felt like I was doing one job well instead of two jobs badly 😢 I appreciate it's not possible for everyone though.

Yep same here - mine are older - 5 and 8 - and I work full time. We found the summer holidays just awful, the holiday club hours weren't long enough and there was a week at the start and end of the hols where there were no clubs. By the time they returned to school I was sooo stressed and tearful trying to juggle everything. And then the parent's whatsapp group was buzzing with messages about organising uniform etc and what a lovely summer they'd all had 😧

Well that first comment was so helpful for the op 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 maybe if you don't want kids and don't have kids post on other topics that are things you are interested in/have knowledge of?? Instead of coming on to make someone feel worse about their struggles. It comes across as being smug.

I have two of a similar age. DH works 5 days and I work 4 days. Routine is key for us. We don’t have family nearby but things that do help us are:

1. plan out all meals each week, food prep or even ask kind family/friends to prepare frozen meals for you. We use family friendly frozen meals Tues - Thurs
2. can you do home workouts? We have adjustable weights which sit in our in our room. Not ideal at but we both get to work out a few times a week which helps us both
3. if you’re struggling with memory etc I would get bloods and hormones checked. Can you reassess what you’re eating to help you control your energy levels a bit more?

p.s. I am in no way a perfect mum and still feel like you do a lot of the time. My DH is away this weekend so I just plonked the kids in front of the tv this evening and had some me time upstairs with a glass of wine away from them. Needs must sometimes!

Have been in the verge of writing a very similar post to yours several times in the last week.

I hate being a zombie at work when I used to be so 'on it' previously. I used to love that gym but literally too knackered to get up for exercise at 5.30am which seems to be the only option to get it done.

Encouraging to know it's not just me!

Excuse my typos...

I made a factual statement that yes people do find it hard and that it is something people say here.

Just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I can’t comment. You aren’t the thread police.

Exactly what I thought. Probably makes them feel better about something to be prowling around the parenting boards feeling smug.

It's just hard.

Just when you develop the skills for parenting one age group/child then they change and a new issue of development/personality crops up to make your life difficult again.

Add to that managing sibling conflict/relationships.

It's highly skilled work requiring excellent communication and negotiation skills, endless endurance and patience and the wisdom of ages.

It does get easier at time in some ways - it's harder physically when they are small and harder mentally when they are teens.

Remember it doesn't have to be perfect. Good enough is good enough.