Disagreement about toddler swimming

[Katiu]

My 2.5yr old DS has been taken swimming since being a baby but probably only once a month or so on average. He likes going, likes splashing about, can get in and out at the side independently, but now does not like floating, even when supported. He is tall so the small pool is mostly within his depth. He has in the past held on to a float and done some kicking or copied us kicking but recently not so keen and likes feet firmly on the pool floor.

My MIL tried to take him swimming and put a float and armbands thing on him- he screamed the place down and they only lasted 5 minutes in there. This has now become a huge problem that something must be done about. She says her boys could swim long before they started lessons, that we haven't taken him swimming enough, and he should be tolerating floats and close to swimming by now. It really made me feel I'd let DS down. We were waiting until he is 3 to start the council lessons as that's the age they start from, the baby lessons were £17 each which I felt was a bit much. DH feels his mum is misremembering and actually thinks they learnt to swim more like early primary age.

However now I've googled and loads of websites insist 18 month olds can swim and now I feel really guilty. We could drive him to another pool in a different borough where they do lessons for 2 year olds, but I'm a bit worried that at the moment he might not want to do the tasks or take part and I don't want to put him off the pool totally by forcing a structured activity on him. At the same time I obviously want to make it easiest on him to learn and don't want it to be harder later!

I was looking for experiences and advice!

Many swimming schools don't use floats or arm bands. So don't feel bad about that part! Have a look at Waterbabies and ask MIL to pay for the lessons!

We've spent a fortune on swimming lessons- my DD is 3 in Nov and she refuses to put her head under and has only recently started using a float. Don't worry!

18 month old's can't swim - very few may have leant to float on their backs but this takes a whole load of practice and isn't swimming.

I swim with my 2 year (2 years 3 months) at least once a week - twice over the summer for fun/to develop his confidence in the water. He has just started to go a very short distance (just over arms length from me to his swimming teacher) with arm bands on. He has also just in the last month started to show an interest in using a float and will kick his legs behind him but I have to support the float. He will put his arms on the steps with his legs behind him and keep a float but can't float independently.

Has also gone from fully comfortable going under water at 18 months - 2 to now not wanting water in his eyes and trying to keep his head above the water when he jumps in! It seems to be quite typical and i'm just going to push through until he's happy putting his head under again - we have the same battle washing his hair and water going in his eyes.

I do find missing weeks makes him more reluctant in the pool and adding an extra swim over the summer helped with his confidence.

MILs always seem to have done it better than us don't they 🤔

Don't worry about swimming, it's supposed to be just fun at that age. Mine couldn't get on preschool classes but both started at age 5 and skipped stage one and two because we'd taken them for fun so regularly

Sounds like your MIL is suffering from selective memory loss OP. My DGD goes to swimming lessons. She started age 4 which is the earliest their local pool will take them. I used to take her sometimes when she first started and all the kids were about the same age and I can confirm that none of them could actually swim.

I spent a fortune on baby/toddler swimming lessons when my two were little and we had to stop them when they were 18 months and 3.5 years due to covid. When things reopened the company we'd used didn't offer lessons in our area anymore and we had to wait a while on a waiting list to get in somewhere new. The kids eventually got back into swimming lessons at 3 and 5 years and they had forgotten almost everything they'd learned. They are both good swimmers now but it's taken years and it felt like after an 18 month gap they were both effectively starting from scratch. It sounds like you're doing a great job of building up your child's confidence in the water and I think you are right not to bother with lessons until before 3 years old. All of the swim teachers we've used over the years have advised against using the armbands because they make it difficult to actually swim, so I don't think it's a big deal that your child won't tolerate that. We've found pool noodles and the foam shark fins to be more encouraged as learning aids.

Oh bless you OP. Don't worry - take your DC when you can and let him enjoy the pool. Plenty time for lessons when he is a little older.
I've taught primary swimming and there are way more Y5 kids who can't swim than can! Seriously, only a small handful out of three classes were very competent swimmers one year, for example and probably about 1/3 were total non swimmers.
Tell your interfering MIL that's it's all under control!

My child could float and paddle about a meter or so at age 2 but this is VERY unusual and only happened because we both liked to go and went every week from 12 weeks old. It’s not necessary at all.

Also, my child never wore any kind of floating device or armbands. He wouldn’t have liked them. I held him & we had a noodle, so you can tell your mil that he doesn’t need to wear floaties to learn to swim and he doesn’t need to be able to swim yet anyway.

I'm a swimming teacher average age is 3-5 for proper swimming lessons your mil is being silly.

We've done Water Babies with both. The earliest independent swimmers I've seen were 3 years old, most were swimming before 4. Not my daughter though! I didn't start lessons till 4 and I was a great swimmer as a kid. You could go more often but it absolutely fine to wait till 3 to start lessons. Also arm bands aren't good for teaching a good swim position. Floats (like you were doing) and pool noodles (and always within arms reach) are better.

DS is five, he's been going to swimming classes since he was 12 weeks (about a year gap for COVID shutdown and in the council pool they start from babies here), we live by the sea and he spends his summers at the beach. He can swim about 15-20 m and is aiming for 25 soon. However he is an outlier even where we live, where swimming is prioritised because of water safety etc. Most of his school friends can't really swim or can manage about five metres. (FWIW he can't ride a bike properly yet, they all do different things at different times!)
You're child seems like he's about the right level for his age and I remember with DS there comes an age where they suddenly realise maybe they should be scared of the water! He will get past it but your MIL isn't going to help. Take him for fun as much as you can and he can start lessons when they are available for him.

My nearly 3 year old could swim a width of the pool unaided after MIL paid for private lessons for him as she worried he was being left behind. 🙄 It was a pain to take him once a week and he was exhausted being the sole focus of attention. Now he’s 11 I appreciate it was madness and most of his peers are better swimmers.

Don't be bullied into pushing your DS (or yourself) too hard.

As others have mentioned, get rid of the floats and arm bands and just take him swimming for fun.

She actually shouldn't be putting floating devices on him if she wants him to learn how to swim

I am a swimming teacher specializing in babies and toddlers. I have my own toddler and see about 70 children a week in the pool from 6 months to 3 years old.

• never use arm bands - if your child will tolerate them, they will mess with the child’s natural buoyancy and position in the water, they position themselves differently, and it gives them false confidence (try a noodle or kick board instead, or a life jacket/pfd)
• Toddlers should be learning water confidence, water safety, and how to have fun in the water.
• They should also be learning skills that are the building blocks of being able to swim later on. For example, putting their head under, kicking, floating, rolling etc.
• Toddlers don’t swim. They don’t have the bouyancy yet. Their arms are too short. Their lower body is too heavy. Their bodies are out of proportion compared to an adult.
• The very best 2.5 year old that I know swims regularly with her parents in addition to attending my classes. She happily throws herself into the water and kicks and paddles. She is an absolute water baby with a noodle and will happily propel herself around the pool. But she doesn’t actually swim. Without support, she will bicycle her legs (kicking) and do long dog pulls through the water - essentially doggy paddle. It takes her a huge amount of energy and she can do 1.5-2metres before she needs support. As a teacher, I’ll say ‘wow, that was amazing, look how far you swam!’. But it isn’t really swimming.

My 2.5yr old DS has been taken swimming since being a baby but probably only once a month or so on average. He likes going, likes splashing about, can get in and out at the side independently, but now does not like floating, even when supported. He is tall so the small pool is mostly within his depth. He has in the past held on to a float and done some kicking or copied us kicking but recently not so keen and likes feet firmly on the pool floor.

@Katiu to answer some of your more specific concerns - it is very normal for children to experience regressions when swimming.

The most common is with back floating. Usually, they are fine at 6 months, then when they start to walk, they learn that falling backwards isn’t fun. So they don’t like back floating. It is still a valuable safety skill so keep trying but don’t force it. They will go back to back floating later.

As toddlers grow in independence, it is normal and natural for them to want to hold onto that. They can’t be independent when they are out of their depth. That is why your child prefers being able to stand in the pool. Perfectly normal. I’d give him a noodle and lots of encouragement as well as allowing lots of playtime in the shallows.

Thanks for this it's so interesting. How old do you think before a child can actually swim, mine is 3 and very good but I feel there's only so fat they can go due to their physical capability eg arm strength etc

Thanks to Covid, my youngest was 5 before she had a swimming lesson. Neither of mine ever took to floats/armbands (tolerated for water slides nothing else) and they never used them in their swimming lessons.

Tall 3 year olds and 4 year olds can swim in that they can use both arms and legs at the same time and propel themselves several meters but it would be very messy swimming although it would resemble an actual swimming stroke.

At that age, distance is less important than technique. They will tire quickly. Swimming from an island to the side of the pool about 3ish meters away would be good practice in a lesson. If they are good swimmers, maybe a longer swim of 5m at some point in the lesson. Short distances with emphasis on skills and technique rather than distance covered.

5 year olds are mostly still messy swimmers but getting less so.

6 year olds are capable of producing good strokes if they swim regularly (more than once a week).

Mine started swimming at 4. It was ducklings so the one before stage one. She got to the point where she could swim without armbands I thought yay.
Then she went into stage one and they put them back on her and told me she was doing the technique all wrong and so she had to completely relearn what she'd been learning!
I had no idea that would happen cos no one said anything

Thank you for that, do you think there is any point continuing lessons for a 3 year old? I'm impressed with what they have learnt so far (they can use a noodle and put their head ubder while doing it, float independently on their back for 10 seconds etc), but it does seem that they are plateuing which I assumed was due to the physical constraints

Absolutely continue.

Plateaus and regressions are to be expected in whatever you learn - swimming, languages, driving.

There may be physical constraints to their swimming skills at the moment (you can also have mental constraints). But they are 3 years old and changing constantly. Personally, and with anecdotes but no research to back me up, I think it is critical to keep swimming from 3-5 as that is a great time to lay the groundwork for good stroke development in the future. Especially breath work.

I can walk into the swim school and look at the ten year olds. I can say Annie, Betty and Charlie all did baby swim and continued swimming from then on. I can say that Xavier, Ynes and Zach have not been swimming continuously and regularly. I will be correct 90% of the time. (The 10% I am wrong is usually when the swimmers are really good and I incorrectly assume they have been coming since 6 months old but they actually have access to a swimming pool at home (I’m English but currently in Australia so that is more common here)).

But the point is that there is a noticeable difference as children grow up between those who swim regularly and those that don’t. It’s like reading to your child when they are young. It has lasting effects and you can usually still see the difference in older children despite interventions.

@GretaGarbosTwin Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate it! 🙂

Sorry for the derail OP

Thank you so much for all the replies!

I took him myself and he was fine - he had to be bribed with snacks to leave the pool at the end!

He told me he didn't like the armbands MIL put on him.

Looked up lessons anyway and the council he would have to be in the pool alone for- I must say that seems a bit bold for a three year old non-swimmer! So we are thinking of signing him up for some a short drive away, but going to take him more like weekly in the meantime to get him used to it.

I think it depends on the country/culture. I'm from the uk but now live in Australia. Both my boys started swimming lessons at 6 months because we spend so much time in an around water throughout the year and have a pool at home so it was a non-negotiable for them both to learn as soon as possible (my youngest is now 2.5 and about to start going in the pool on his own for lessons, up till now I've been in with him).
When I lived in the UK, it was normal to wait until either council or school lessons started, especially if you're not around water a lot. It sounds to me like you've done the right thing and as long as he keeps enjoying it he'll soon learn when he's ready.