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Disagreement about toddler swimming

51 replies

Katiu · 04/09/2024 20:57

My 2.5yr old DS has been taken swimming since being a baby but probably only once a month or so on average. He likes going, likes splashing about, can get in and out at the side independently, but now does not like floating, even when supported. He is tall so the small pool is mostly within his depth. He has in the past held on to a float and done some kicking or copied us kicking but recently not so keen and likes feet firmly on the pool floor.

My MIL tried to take him swimming and put a float and armbands thing on him- he screamed the place down and they only lasted 5 minutes in there. This has now become a huge problem that something must be done about. She says her boys could swim long before they started lessons, that we haven't taken him swimming enough, and he should be tolerating floats and close to swimming by now. It really made me feel I'd let DS down. We were waiting until he is 3 to start the council lessons as that's the age they start from, the baby lessons were £17 each which I felt was a bit much. DH feels his mum is misremembering and actually thinks they learnt to swim more like early primary age.

However now I've googled and loads of websites insist 18 month olds can swim and now I feel really guilty. We could drive him to another pool in a different borough where they do lessons for 2 year olds, but I'm a bit worried that at the moment he might not want to do the tasks or take part and I don't want to put him off the pool totally by forcing a structured activity on him. At the same time I obviously want to make it easiest on him to learn and don't want it to be harder later!

I was looking for experiences and advice!

OP posts:
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purpleme12 · 04/09/2024 20:59

It's fine OP
Where I am most kids start lessons at age 5 in stage one
There is certainly no expectation to swim at your kid's age!!
Relax and trust yourself

purpleme12 · 04/09/2024 21:00

And just take him to the pool to have fun, get him used to water at the minute

Changeiscomingthisyear · 04/09/2024 21:02

18 months old can’t swim. Their arms are to short. But he should be happy playing in the water within his depth before be start swimming lessons.

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Dreamerinme · 04/09/2024 21:03

Ignore your MIL! At his age it’s more about having water confidence and being able to get themselves to the side of the pool and climb out for safety reasons.

Of course some websites and parents will claim their DC were easily swimming 50m at 2 years old but this is utter rubbish for the vast, vast majority. Learning to swim properly takes years to master so no toddler is going to be swimming correctly nor have the strength to swim any distance of note.

wishIwasonholiday10 · 04/09/2024 21:03

My DD is 26 months old and has been going to leisure centre lessons since 8 months and definitely can’t swim and is not close to swimming properly. The class is mostly a bit of fun with songs etc and she often doesn’t want to do the bits that are closer to learning to swim like using the pool noodles. Just keep taking him swimming for now.

The lessons don’t use floats and arm bands and most swimming teachers seem to frown on these. They do use the pool noodles at the class we do.

Lammveg · 04/09/2024 21:05

Ah, the old 'my child walked straight out of me and was talking in full sentences' BS.

Don't worry about it. Just let your DC enjoy the pool how he wants to. I'd actually be a bit freaked out if I saw an 18 month old full on swimming.

modgepodge · 04/09/2024 21:08

If it makes you feel any better, I have been paying £15+ per lesson for my child since she was a baby and at 5 she can only swim a couple of metres!! Second child is not starting lessons for quite some time 😂

BarbaraHoward · 04/09/2024 21:08

Seriously don't worry about it. Just have fun with him in the water - if he's comfortable getting splashed etc he'll settle much easier into lessons when he's a bit older.

Littletreefrog · 04/09/2024 21:08

Ignore MIL and dont force him into positions he doesnt like you will just make this into a thing and have more problems in future.

If you can find a pool with the beach style entry where is gradually gets deeper. Sit in the very shallow water and let him play around you. As his confidence grows he will start to venture deeper. You can encourage this slowly by playing catch and accidentally throwing the ball slightly past him etc. He will naturally eventually get into a depth where the bouyancy lifts his feet slightly off the floor, if he is engaged and playing this will not bother him. Also gently encourage games where he gets his face wet. Then when he is of a suitable age he can start swiming lessons as a water confident teachable child.

Spenditlikebeckham · 04/09/2024 21:08

Remind mil things change... For example dc aren't left outside shops in prams or encouraged to sleep on their front. And it's your dc to decide what happens in their childhood...

theintern · 04/09/2024 21:10

I started taking my twins age 3....one took to it right away - feet off the floor just using a noodle around the waist...the other one screams the place down and hates it. They are nearly 4 now
Don't waste your money on lessons at that age. My eldest was slow to swim too - didn't swim without armbands until probably age 5-6 but then progressed really quickly. Its free for under 4s to swim at my pool - I'm not going to put them in lessons until they turn 4 and I'd have to pay to take them with me anyway

RickiRaccoon · 04/09/2024 21:10

I don't think it's true at all her kids could swim earlier than primary. I remember swimming lessons in primary school and most kids couldn't swim till 6 or 7 maybe?

I don't think they don't recommend those floaties now as they give kids false confidence in the water (?). My 2yo and 3yo have been in a pool a handful of times over the summer and so definitely cannot swim.

JohnofWessex · 04/09/2024 21:11

It wasnt long before we split up (I wonder why?) I took my son, then aged about 15 or so months to the pool.

He was basically big enough to walk round the kiddy pool as his nose and mouth were just out of the water, and round and round he went, very happily.

Needless to say my ex wife was furious as I hadnt done any swimming with him.........

Swimmingatdusk · 04/09/2024 21:12

I think children learn things when they’re ready and often quite quickly then. It’s important to keep it fun so you don’t make it an issue that they really dislike. My Dc hated toddler swimming and later classes so I had to teach them myself at their own pace when they were about 5 or 6. Had lessons when they were bit older, now a confident swimmer including happy to go in uk sea.

I really wouldn’t worry, it’s most important to just keep him enjoying water play eg in the bath or paddling pool or beach and for safety I was taught to teach children to blow bubbles under water, so their instinct is to blow out . But maybe check latest advice . My DC would similarly scream in a swimming pool so I left it a while before trying again. Please don’t let mil’s comments get to you, they sound unreasonable and unhelpful to me.

Bubblesallaround · 04/09/2024 21:13

My son never had swimming lessons and because of Covid etc rarely went swimming before he was 2.5 and even after that only went once every 6-8 weeks. He started council swimming lessons about 6 weeks ago aged 4.5 and has done so well and is about to move up to the next stage. Personally, I think paying for baby swimming lessons is not necessarily worth it. I’d wait until he was at least 3 or even 4 to be honest and save the money and just take him for fun.

Starlightstarbright3 · 04/09/2024 21:16

My Ds did water babies from I think 8 weeks old .. He definitely could not swim at 18 months .. I can tell you there were parents whose babies hated it and they dropped out .

i think there is a huge difference between splashing about at swimming .. Do what he enjoys doing , positive experience are valuable .

Don’t let MIL talk him

NewName24 · 04/09/2024 21:19

Your MiL is misremembering.

Most swimming lessons won't take anyone before they are 4, as they are just not developmentally ready to take on instructions and concentrate enough to put them into action (some aren't at 4, or even 5).

My dc were taken most weeks from when they were tiny, and later on (at 16) all became lifeguards, so obviously became good swimmers, but they couldn't swim properly until 6 or 7.

Just take him when you can, and have fun splashing about in the water.

Spenditlikebeckham · 04/09/2024 21:21

How did you take twins? Most pools are 1-1 under 5....

Cuwins · 04/09/2024 21:22

My 2.5 year old has been in swimming lessons weekly since 10 weeks. She is an absolute water baby and very confident in the water (strangely as long as it's not a shower which she hates 🤷‍♀️) however she most definitely can't swim. She is absolutely convinced she can and is always trying to get me to let go! But I promise you she can't.
With a noodle she can now do a couple of widths kicking but has never used arm bands or any other sort of floatation device.
I really wouldn't worry about it OP. As long as he enjoys the water and is happy getting is face wet then he will be absolutely fine starting lessons at 3.

notanarchaeologist · 04/09/2024 21:24

Don't worry OP! I only took my eldest swimming from 3, he's 5.5 now and still can't float (or listen!) his teacher said that 5 is a better age to start as they're more disciplined and coordinated. So we're actually waiting before sending the younger (who just turned 3) as spending £40 pc/pm for them to splash around isn't that viable right now!

It'll be fine, honest xx

rwalker · 04/09/2024 21:27

At that age water confident is more important than swimming

my 2 or very different oldest could swim very early youngest loved the water would sit and splash for an hours but no interest in actual swimming

theintern · 04/09/2024 21:29

Spenditlikebeckham · 04/09/2024 21:21

How did you take twins? Most pools are 1-1 under 5....

I'm very lucky that at my local pool the ratio is one adult to two under 8s. I have an older child too so as soon as they turned 8 I started taking the twins - which at age 3 was a good time and much more manageable as they can both obviously walk, follow directions (well most of the time!)
I wouldn't have taken both as babies on my own.

UpUpUpU · 04/09/2024 21:29

My son had the baby lessons from about 2 and is now 6 and still can’t pass his stage 2! Weekly lessons for years, 2 sets of week long crash courses and 3 months of private lessons. He is very water confident (we sail/paddle board etc so will jump in the deep lake and see with his life vest) swims underwater for ages but doesn’t listen or pay attention enough to pass his stages 😂😂

Ignore your MIL. It’s rare a kid can swim at 2.5

Spudthespanner · 04/09/2024 21:30

You're MIL is talking pish

A child who didn't drown does not a swimmer make. Lots of toddlers can vaguely flap about in the water.

Putmeinsummer · 04/09/2024 21:32

Don't forget that COVID stopped lessons for the cohort just before yours so there are plenty of children who won't be swimming before primary.