9&5 year old getting bus

[GreatMauveShaker]

Hi

My ex partner has become really difficult recently. He is expecting our children on his nights after school to get a public bus by themselves for 40 minutes to his work. They would have to leave school alone, wait for the bus on a main road and then spend 40 minutes on a bus with out a mobile etc. Is this suitable, I have said it isn't and I will provide an alternative arrangement till he finishes work. But he is kicking of saying it's his night so he will sort the kids, but I do not think this is a safe arrangement. What are your thoughts?

Thanks

No way would I allow this. What happens if the bus get diverted? Speak to the school, surely they won't let a 9 year old leave let alone be responsible for a 5 year old.

He's correct that it's his time and therefore he can make his own arrangements.

However I've never known a primary school allow a five year old to leave the premises without an adult

In your situation I'd speak to the school as they may solve the problem for you.

School won't let your 5 year old be collected by a 9 yo.

Absolutely not safe. If it’s his night and he will sort the kids, he needs to leave work in time to collect them from school or an after school club like all the other responsible parents who have to parent.

And yes, at our school, only Year 6s can leave without an adult.

Would your school even allow the 5 year old and 9 year old to leave unaccompanied?

I wouldn't be happy with his plan at all and it seems way too much responsibility to put on the poor 9 year old.

I'm no fan of how coddled primary aged children are today but I'd really draw the line at this. It's too young, busses can be very unreliable and I'd be worried about them losing their bus money or getting stranded somewhere.

Yes no school would allow this it is usual for year 5 and above to be allowed

I would contact the school and explain it

9 and 5! Is he insane?
No it's not safe, it's neglectful of him.

Just refuse. You're not in the wrong here. School won't allow it anyway, so you can tell him that.

Do you only have informal contact arrangements?

That idea is not one that will work and I can’t imagine the school would release a 5yo into the care of a 9 yo .

Someone will say they did in the 80s.
I wouldn’t be happy at all. I would be extremely anxious, I would even say it’s neglect.

He is going to ask school tomorrow, I'm hoping they say no or else I'm going to have to work out the next step of stopping this. I'm half thinking of ringing the school myself to discuss, is there anyway you think they may even say yes? It would make my life easier if the blocked this move

It is his time I appreciate this, and I have offered to make suitable arrangements for the children until he finishes work, but he's not interested

I have tried to refuse, and he just tells me it's his night so he will do what he sees fit. No formal contact arrangements.

What other unsafe things does he do when they're in his care? Does he use car seats etc?

Then you need to get a formal arrangement and also speak to the school when they go back and tell them not to release the 5 yo to its sibling .

A very sensible nine year old with a phone might be OK but no way a five year old! Also nine isn't old enough to have full responsibility for a five year old. I wouldn't think the school would release the five year old at the end of the day without a parent there to collect. I would speak to school.

So unfair on the nine year old to even consider this. Far too much responsibility. I don’t think the school will agree to releasing a five year old from school under those circumstances. @GreatMauveShaker ask to speak to the safeguarding lead at the school.

Will the bus let 5yo on without an adult?

I would ask to raise it as a safeguarding concern. Ideally in writing.
I would also be going for court ordered formalised contact. He sounds as if he's thinking about his "rights" which is wrong as it is the "rights of the children" to have contact with both parents. And this has to be balanced against their well being.

9 year old maybe if they were very sensible. 5 year old - no way. 9 year old with 5 year old - no way. School should not let this happen.

Absolutely no, perhaps the 9yr old with somebody like a 12yr old, but no way with a 5yr old - poor kids!

I'm sure school will say no, but kernels with contacting them to head him off at the pass, there is no way that this can happen.

*perhaps worth

I mean, this is too ridiculous for words. There is absolutely no way I would allow this and I very much doubt a school would either. In fact, if they did I would report them for a safeguarding failure.

I would be very uncomfortable with my 9 year old doing this, let alone a 5 year old. Not a chance, no way. Yes it's his time but he also needs to sort actual childcare and not expect his children to do all the leg work at 9 and 5.

I would just call collect them or sort childcare and he would have to take me to court and explain the situation.