How would you approach this gently

[Orangepen13]

Trying to gentle parent my 2yr 8mo old is exhausting. How would you approach this?

child is 6 weeks into potty training. We have two rules: we try before we leave the house, and when she wees in her knickers she helps clear up by taking them to the washing machine. We brought this one in because she keeps starting to wee in her knickers and we wanted to make it more significant - I don’t know if this is right or not.

She was already having a natural consequence because she refused to try before she was supposed to go to the vets with my partner, so she stayed at home with me. Then about 5 minutes she weed in her knickers before getting to the potty. I told her to take her knickers to the washing machine (careful to have full attention) and she ignored me. I told her to take them
again and she said “no” and just stared me down. I said for a third time in a firm voice “it is time to take your knickers to the washing machine now” and she just flat out said “no” and stared at me.

my baby was screaming, which probably informed my next move, which was to stand up, tell her I need some space, and left the room. I was furious, so this came out with an edge to my tone and a stomp.

we’ve talked about it since but in my reflections I’m just not sure how to have been authoritative and hold the boundary with this flat out refusal. Any advice?

Potty training isn't initially a learnt behaviour .

The child needs to understand the concept of going to the toilet and their brain needs to be able to recognise the early signs of needing a wee/poo. They also need to be capable of expressing the need and able to hold the wee/poo for a short period of time.

If your child isn't doing that yet it's not a case of practice makes perfect. She simply isn't ready. Of course you can continue but the accidents will too.