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Original poster

Son wants his ear pierced

66 replies

pinksofas · 29/08/2024 21:08

I really don't know what to say to my 8 year old son who is begging to get his ear pierced.
His sister had hers done at 8, so I can't use his age as an excuse.
Just my personal opinion as I don't like earrings on boys but I feel like I need to give him a proper reason why he can't have it, other than "I don't like how it looks"
I've said it would be dangerous playing sports, but his sister plays sports and just tapes her earrings.
I've said that 8 year old boys don't generally have an earring, but a couple of his friends got them done over the holidays.
Am I being mean just telling him a blanket "no" because I'm the grown up and I don't like how it looks?
I would say the same for a haircut I didn't like, or clothing I didn't want him to wear. But I just feel like it's double standards as I let his sister have hers pierced.

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Illpickthatup · 30/08/2024 08:21

OoLaaLaa · 30/08/2024 08:18

They are children!! I had a 8 year older sister who smoked when she was 17. I'm sure my parents would not have let me smoke at 8 if I wanted to with your attitude.

@pinksofas He's a small boy, you have control, you are the parent. Parent them, and ignore the fools on here that would let their kids do anything because they are their friends not parents!

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Yeah because a 17yo and an 8yo smoking is comparable. What a ridiculous comment. I'm sure they wouldn't let you drive a car at 8 either.

tribalmango · 30/08/2024 08:21

Yeah, wait until next summer hols.
My son asked the same around that age. I told him he'd need to wait until secondary school. He got it done end of year 7 (covid was beginning of year 7).
He kept it for a couple of years and then removed it.

You have no decent reason for not treating your son the same as your daughter.

Rory17384949 · 30/08/2024 09:36

A few of the boys in my DD's class have pierced ears, it's quite fashionable at the moment it seems!
I don't think being a boy is a good enough reason to say no especially if you let your DD have them at the same age.
Anyway ear piercings do heal up if he changes his mind in the future, DH used to have 3 ear piercings and a nose piercing but hasn't worn earrings since he was 19 and you can't even see the holes anymore

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Rory17384949 · 30/08/2024 09:39

pinksofas · 29/08/2024 21:28

I just really don't like it. And I know that's unfair. But if my daughter wanted a haircut I didn't like then I wouldn't allow it either.

Why not? It's her hair!
Respectfully you're in for a hard time when they become teenagers unless you relax a bit about this stuff

Rory17384949 · 30/08/2024 10:03

pinksofas · 29/08/2024 22:42

But surely at some point it is your taste you're pushing onto them? When you have a toddler you choose what they wear. You choose the hairstyle they have and the activities they go to.
I still choose his clothes now, as he doesn't care what he wears and happily puts any outfit on.
I get that he's expressing himself and it's his body, but I just don't want him being judged for having an earring. I have an opinion when I see little boys with earrings and I'm sure many others do to.

I completely disagree sorry.

As babies yes it's your taste but when they're old enough to have preferences then no it's their taste.
My eldest DD had opinions on what she wore from around age 2 and I just didn't think it was worth arguing over- I just insisted she was warm enough. A lot of Disney princesses stuff was worn which isn't my taste at all but who cares really.

I took my 9 year old coat shopping this week, I really liked the pink coat she wanted the same one but in black which I thought was really boring- but it's her coat so we got the black one.

Also I have 2 girls and I actually would let them do anything they wanted to their hair within reason (shaved heads and bright coloured hair-dye not allowed in eldest DD's school and I wouldn't let them use permanent dye because of the chemicals).

I also wouldn't force them to do an activity they hated. My 3 year old nephew stopped going to his music class because he hated it, why would they force him to go? He is doing a toddler gym class now instead.

Children aren't an extension of you, they're individuals with their own styles and preferences.

I also think it's you "judging" other boys for having earrings, most parents don't really care

Illpickthatup · 30/08/2024 11:27

Rory17384949 · 30/08/2024 10:03

I completely disagree sorry.

As babies yes it's your taste but when they're old enough to have preferences then no it's their taste.
My eldest DD had opinions on what she wore from around age 2 and I just didn't think it was worth arguing over- I just insisted she was warm enough. A lot of Disney princesses stuff was worn which isn't my taste at all but who cares really.

I took my 9 year old coat shopping this week, I really liked the pink coat she wanted the same one but in black which I thought was really boring- but it's her coat so we got the black one.

Also I have 2 girls and I actually would let them do anything they wanted to their hair within reason (shaved heads and bright coloured hair-dye not allowed in eldest DD's school and I wouldn't let them use permanent dye because of the chemicals).

I also wouldn't force them to do an activity they hated. My 3 year old nephew stopped going to his music class because he hated it, why would they force him to go? He is doing a toddler gym class now instead.

Children aren't an extension of you, they're individuals with their own styles and preferences.

I also think it's you "judging" other boys for having earrings, most parents don't really care

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100% this. Some of the people on this thread are the very reason a lot of fathers need to fight to see their kids, because many mothers treat them like they are their possessions.

I've taken my DSD to nursery in a party frock and fur jacket because that's what she wanted to wear that day. We've been out in some interesting outfits but if she's happy, who cares? She wanted her waist long hair cut into a bob and we took her to the hairdressers. Were we sad to see her lovely long locks go? Absolutely, but it wasn't our hair. If she wanted it shaved we probably would have let her. If she regretted it then that's a life lesson isn't it? Natural consequences. I'm sure most people have had hair disasters and we all survived just fine.

My DSDs mother has told her she hates her hair, has commented negatively on some of her outfits, told her her crocs were ugly etc. I think this is awful. And guess who DSD comes to when she wants her hair cut or needs new clothes? Not her mum. Mum's worrying about other kids or parents judging when they're really the ones being judgmental.

If other people pick on a child for their looks then maybe their parents should have raised them better. I don't think anyone should look a certain way to please someone else, that includes parents.

I do think parent should have a say if they have safety concerns when it comes to piercings etc but as OP as allowed earrings for her DD safety obviously isn't the issue here.

Damien1973 · 19/02/2025 08:05

Has he had his ears pierced yet, my 10 year old has, I’m 52 and sometimes wear ear studs still. It looks great on boys.

MajorCarolDanvers · 19/02/2025 08:24

You can’t treat your children differently.

personally I think 8 is far too young but that ship has sailed for you.

BBela · 07/06/2025 05:04

I would tell him that I would like to raise him as a modern boy. Boys used to pierce their ears back in Biblical times, the oldest record is at the giving of the Ten Commandments, see Exodus 32:1-2 "When the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, the people gathered themselves together to Aaron and said to him, “Up, make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.” So Aaron said to them, “Take off the rings of gold that are in the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me.” Later on men departed from this old fashion and for centuries didn't wear earrings. Only recently they started this awful habit again...😞Do you want to look old fashioned?

Damien1973 · 07/06/2025 08:30

BBela · 07/06/2025 05:04

I would tell him that I would like to raise him as a modern boy. Boys used to pierce their ears back in Biblical times, the oldest record is at the giving of the Ten Commandments, see Exodus 32:1-2 "When the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, the people gathered themselves together to Aaron and said to him, “Up, make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.” So Aaron said to them, “Take off the rings of gold that are in the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me.” Later on men departed from this old fashion and for centuries didn't wear earrings. Only recently they started this awful habit again...😞Do you want to look old fashioned?

I think old values are good and boys and men can look strong and masculine with earrings. If they have pierced ears they have a choice to decide whether to wear them and when to stop.

Damien1973 · 07/06/2025 08:36

pinksofas · 29/08/2024 21:18

That is an amazing idea about doing it at the start of the holidays next year. Hopefully he'll have forgotten by then. And I'm sure he can't remember that his sister got hers done in the middle of a school term as he was only 5 then!

That’s ok but when it’s done next year, the fashion for boys is both ears, not one and small studs can be subtle. I’m assuming the school allows it.

persikmeow · 07/06/2025 08:37

You do have double standards and it’s really sexist.

If I was you and felt so strongly about this I would never have let DD have it pierced. Now if you want to be fair and reasonable you have to let him.

Damien1973 · 07/06/2025 11:41

persikmeow · 07/06/2025 08:37

You do have double standards and it’s really sexist.

If I was you and felt so strongly about this I would never have let DD have it pierced. Now if you want to be fair and reasonable you have to let him.

👏

persikmeow · 07/06/2025 12:19

BBela · 07/06/2025 05:04

I would tell him that I would like to raise him as a modern boy. Boys used to pierce their ears back in Biblical times, the oldest record is at the giving of the Ten Commandments, see Exodus 32:1-2 "When the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, the people gathered themselves together to Aaron and said to him, “Up, make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.” So Aaron said to them, “Take off the rings of gold that are in the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me.” Later on men departed from this old fashion and for centuries didn't wear earrings. Only recently they started this awful habit again...😞Do you want to look old fashioned?

Whats the difference for girls then?

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/06/2025 12:24

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/08/2024 21:32

Please don't be that parent who has different standards for sons and daughters.

This.

AllTheEnergy · 07/06/2025 12:29

Hopefully OP found a way to deal with thd situation as it was almost a year ago.

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