Son wants his ear pierced

[pinksofas]

I really don't know what to say to my 8 year old son who is begging to get his ear pierced.
His sister had hers done at 8, so I can't use his age as an excuse.
Just my personal opinion as I don't like earrings on boys but I feel like I need to give him a proper reason why he can't have it, other than "I don't like how it looks"
I've said it would be dangerous playing sports, but his sister plays sports and just tapes her earrings.
I've said that 8 year old boys don't generally have an earring, but a couple of his friends got them done over the holidays.
Am I being mean just telling him a blanket "no" because I'm the grown up and I don't like how it looks?
I would say the same for a haircut I didn't like, or clothing I didn't want him to wear. But I just feel like it's double standards as I let his sister have hers pierced.

Pierced ears on girls of that age is bad enough, but on little boys it's awful

I don't think any child should have it done but it is double standards and sexist and we are all for men not being sexist but it seems to be OK for women?

YAB totally U. I'm against piercing any child at 8yo as they aren't able to give genuinely informed consent yet, and there is a risk of DC being left with ongoing and permanent problems (as I have in one ear). However, given you've allowed DC1 at that age, I can't see how you can refuse DC2.

You are also very U about your (theoretical) DD's haircut. Their hair, their choice. It grows, so any regrettable decision is reversible. The only reason to veto their choice is if they can't manage the style they want themselves and neither can you with the time & skills available.

I totally agree. It is not your body op. You allowed dd the choice, it us sexist to deny ds.

*is!

It absolutely is OP's choice. She's the adult.

I find this so upsetting. I have campaigned all my working life to be treated equally.

Treating your children differently according to their sex is compounding gender stereotypes.

Is it any wonder that people are questioning their sex if their preferences don’t align with what is expected?

It's his ear, not yours. Depending the child, 8 is old enough to say he wants his ears pierced.
If he grows up to hate it, he will have a tiny dot hole in his ear lobe.

I don’t understand the obsession with controlling how other people look (including kids). Just let them get on with it.

Why is it the adult’s choice ? Yes if it is a safety thing. For appearance reasons I cannot get on board with that at all.

But on the other hand if my 11 year old daughter wanted her head shaved then I wouldn't allow it either. It's irrelevant whether I let my 8 year old son have his shaved.

It's not like a tattoo, an earring can be taken out, at least he is asking, my ds came back from town with his done.

For me personally boys having ears pierced young just makes me associate them with being unruly for some reason, maybe because I was a TA in my previous life 🤷‍♀️ I would also say no to my ds.

Why? It's not your hair. It doesn't impact her health. It grows back.

Your children are not accessories that need to look good, they are people that need to find who they are. If he doesn't like it he takes it out and it heals over. There is no reason to refuse except your own personal taste but it is not your body, it doesn't have to be decorated to your taste.

But surely at some point it is your taste you're pushing onto them? When you have a toddler you choose what they wear. You choose the hairstyle they have and the activities they go to.
I still choose his clothes now, as he doesn't care what he wears and happily puts any outfit on.
I get that he's expressing himself and it's his body, but I just don't want him being judged for having an earring. I have an opinion when I see little boys with earrings and I'm sure many others do to.

@pinksofas I made it clear to DD that she couldn't do anything permanent to herself until she's 18, that it was my job to get her to adulthood in one piece and that's that it's a blanket rule and she knows not to ask. - Am I actually going to be upset if she goes out and gets a belly button piercing or whatever at 16 no ofcourse not but a clear boundary makes things easier to uphold.

The downside is ofcourse you've muddied the waters by letting DD have hers done. So I would just defer and distract until next summer and hope he forgets.

Thanks all. I'm going to leave it now and just tell him he can have it done next summer holidays as there's not enough time for it to heal before he's back at school.
Hopefully he'll have forgotten before then!

Because an 8 year old isn't old enough to give informed consent. Piercings can easily become infected.

Get him a fake one.

The daughter must have because she got one

Presumably he wasn't eight!

I have an 8yo ds and I’d hate this too
But as you say you can’t say no on age grounds. You should have thought about it before letting your dd- 8 is very young for girls too IMO.
anyway schools round here just don’t allow them so the only option is to get them done at the beginning of the holidays then have to take out every day for school. Sounds tedious

Children aren't here to look nice for you. He's his own person. He should look how he wants to look. He's not property.

They are children!! I had a 8 year older sister who smoked when she was 17. I'm sure my parents would not have let me smoke at 8 if I wanted to with your attitude.

@pinksofas He's a small boy, you have control, you are the parent. Parent them, and ignore the fools on here that would let their kids do anything because they are their friends not parents!

He's not a toddler anymore. Your job is not to choose for him but to make sure he grasps any and all of the consequences of his decision. If your main objection to the piercing is that he may be judged negatively, explain that to him. Watch his reaction and see if he's mature enough to take it in and really understand. Ditto the risk of infection, injury at football practice, etc.

If he just brushes it all off, you'll know he hasn't really thought it through, and you'd be (somewhat) justified in saying no. If he thinks about it seriously and makes a good argument for why he still wants to go ahead, I'd say he should be allowed to.