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Original poster

My ex is a predator

29 replies

Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 06:40

Hi all I posted here a while back now about my children's father (33) being in a relationship with a 16 year old.

The 16 year old contacted me to make me aware of their relationship and that he had 'abandoned our kids for her'

I was sick as a dog.

It has been a year or so and he is now begging to see our children (7 YO) and saying how much he regrets and see's what he has done is wrong.

He is emailing and making IG an TikTok accounts to add me. I have ignored and blocked.

But when I looked on his IG/TIK TOK I noticed he was following about 5 people. One of them a girl, a young girl in uniform... maybe 15 I'm guessing.

My stomach turned like omg is this a pattern of his now...

She looks like she comes from a close 2.4 family. (I know that's generalising but I'm painting a picture, broken home is usually his thing)

My question is - I just am fighting the urge to message her mum to look at her daughters phone?

Last time the police said there was nothing they could do as his GF was now 16 and her mum consented for her (weird I know) they got stopped at the airport that's how the police found out, got suspicious and interviewed him for child grooming.

I'm worried incase this is his new victim but I don't know if it's a wise thing to contact her parent or stay out of it.

I've already mentioned to his mum, (as she was passing messages on to me for him) I've seen another child (named her) but his mum said he doesn't know who she is.

My goodness I despise him. I can't believe this is what is has come to. It triggers me and makes me nauseous whenever I see his name on my phone. I fall to bits and the way I can usually think for myself. I feel like I can't. So it feels safer to just ignore him. I'm also regretting mentioning his 'potential new victims name'

OP posts:
mushpush · 18/08/2024 06:43

If she's in uniform and not related to him (can't think of any other reason to have a 15 year old on socials!) could you give the school a heads up? They should have a safeguarding section on the website?

Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2024 06:45

Report him to the police. They can investigate.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 06:46

I just feel like maybe I've ruined it by saying to his mum last night -

Yes I got his email, I don’t really have anything to say anymore.

He made a choice and he know exactly what he was doing at the expense of the children.

I’ve seen another young girl (NAME) in her school uniform and I find it quite sickening. After what he has done I can never trust him again.

I’m sorry I know he is your son and I appreciate you navigating through this situation as best as possible.

I genuinely wish him the best

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 06:48

It may not be a victim but my stomach just turned when I saw this young girl.... AGAIN

Now would be the time for her parents to look at her phone I feel like they would report him.

The other GF her mum was clearly neglectful.

But more than anything I hope this is not a pattern I feel so sick.

OP posts:
Letsgotitans · 18/08/2024 06:52

Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 06:46

I just feel like maybe I've ruined it by saying to his mum last night -

Yes I got his email, I don’t really have anything to say anymore.

He made a choice and he know exactly what he was doing at the expense of the children.

I’ve seen another young girl (NAME) in her school uniform and I find it quite sickening. After what he has done I can never trust him again.

I’m sorry I know he is your son and I appreciate you navigating through this situation as best as possible.

I genuinely wish him the best

Why do you genuinely wish him the best? 😳

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 07:01

I actually do wish him the best. Sadly I've got 2 children who love him. I would love nothing more for him to be a level headed person so that they can have a father that they deserve. That's all in his own hands obviously.

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 18/08/2024 07:08

Why the fuck do you “genuinely” wish him the best? I don’t. I wish he was at the bottom of a lake . What a disgusting pervert. I would do whatever I could within the law to thwart his disgusting plans and make his life as difficult as possible.

urbanbuddha · 18/08/2024 07:10

Just prioritise the child at risk. Call the police.

BlastedPimples · 18/08/2024 07:13

Don't wish predators the best. Whatever for?

Protect your kids. And other kids / teens.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2024 07:13

I really don't understand what all the hand wringing is about. If you genuinely believe he is grooming children, you have a moral duty to report this to the police.

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 07:17

I've literally just said how I find it difficult to talk to them. I get anxiety and can't express myself as I usually can. It has destroyed me navigating this situation with my kids and setting boundaries that I've struggled with in the past. Please be mindful of that when criticising my choice of words. I'm here asking strangers for advice because I don't feel able to tell those close to me and secondly because I wasn't to do the right thing. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 07:20

Ok I'll report to the police I just wasn't sure it was enough to report. He is 'just' following her. That's not enough for the police to arrest him. I'm more that sure they will say that.

If her mum and dad were to find evidence on her phone. He would be arrested

OP posts:
Edingril · 18/08/2024 07:23

You report to the police, focus on your own children and seek legal advice as he will have access to them

And think very carefully about having more children with anyone else

urbanbuddha · 18/08/2024 08:23

So if the police can do nothing tell the parents.

TheaBrandt · 18/08/2024 08:47

Surely he isn’t having anything to do with the children if he is perving over other people’s children?

RedHelenB · 18/08/2024 09:09

urbanbuddha · 18/08/2024 07:10

Just prioritise the child at risk. Call the police.

This.

RedHelenB · 18/08/2024 09:11

Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 07:20

Ok I'll report to the police I just wasn't sure it was enough to report. He is 'just' following her. That's not enough for the police to arrest him. I'm more that sure they will say that.

If her mum and dad were to find evidence on her phone. He would be arrested

Given he was stopped at the airport I'm sure the police would want to bring this to the attention of the girls family if she's under 16.

ConservationLie · 18/08/2024 09:16

Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 07:01

I actually do wish him the best. Sadly I've got 2 children who love him. I would love nothing more for him to be a level headed person so that they can have a father that they deserve. That's all in his own hands obviously.

but what happens when your kids hit 15? if he is a ephebophile then all their female friends will be at risk

ConservationLie · 18/08/2024 09:17

if I was the girls mum, I would REALLY appreciate you getting in touch. it's a difficult things to do 🌻

BlastedPimples · 18/08/2024 09:35

@Edingril what do you mean by think very carefully about having more children with anyone else?

Original poster
Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 10:07

I know I think the comment about having more kids is slightly harsh.

Anyhow no he has no contact with my children.

  1. He has abandoned them for a girl.
  2. The girl was 16

The police didn't take any further action as she was 16 and her mum CONSENTED.

I just don't know if I'm looking into things too much. He may have just added random people.
He made the account purely to add me. I can tell as it said NEW
He was following 5 people she was one of them.

He's now unfollowed them and it's 0.

I was just shocked to see another school girl with her uniform on in the pictures so he clearly knows she's young. Her profile is open.

On his tiktok he was following a few too. One of them this girl again.

Red flags but maybe not enough evidence for them just to check his phone.

They did all that last time checking his devices but there was nothing on there for whatever reason. He is not like full on 'Pervy' type maybe more comes across as the 'innocent introvert' type

OP posts:
mindutopia · 18/08/2024 10:44

I would report to the school, if you can work out which one from the uniform. It isn’t a criminal matter for a grown man to follow a teenager on social media. But it would be a potential safeguarding concern and the school would be best placed to handle it. I think it would be good for them to know, because even if the parents take no issue again, they are in a position to escalate it if necessary.

BlastedPimples · 18/08/2024 12:28

Op, the comment about having more kids is irrelevant and bitchy. And victim blaming. How were you to know who he really is?

That's what predators are really good at. Hiding their true nature and grooming. Nobody is immune to

But once you do know, you need to take action. As you are doing. Well done. You're clear in your head. Abusers often befuddle and confuse people.

urbanbuddha · 18/08/2024 18:10

mindutopia · 18/08/2024 10:44

I would report to the school, if you can work out which one from the uniform. It isn’t a criminal matter for a grown man to follow a teenager on social media. But it would be a potential safeguarding concern and the school would be best placed to handle it. I think it would be good for them to know, because even if the parents take no issue again, they are in a position to escalate it if necessary.

Yes, that sounds sensible.

mathanxiety · 18/08/2024 18:14

Itsthelittlethingz · 18/08/2024 07:20

Ok I'll report to the police I just wasn't sure it was enough to report. He is 'just' following her. That's not enough for the police to arrest him. I'm more that sure they will say that.

If her mum and dad were to find evidence on her phone. He would be arrested

If you can identify her school, please contact the school too. Tell what you know of your ex's proclivities and that he has now friended this student, and that you are concerned the child is being groomed.