Reported to social services!

[Higgeldypiggeldy35]

Hi,

I desperately want some advice as I am so worried.

My 3 year old out of nowhere told nursery I hit him. I have never and would never hit him. I believe in gentle parenting. If anything he has been more aggressive to us recently when having a tantrum and we have had to say gentle hands and no hitting, redirecting him regularly.

Anyway nursery were forced to report this to social services. I have had a phonecall with a social worker today and been truthful about everything but she still wants to meet my child.

Does anyone know what sort of questions they will ask? Can someone I trust be there or my husband? And what the hell will they do if he says again that I have hurt him??!! I cant believe they will take the word of a 3 year old as gospel but quite honestly he comes out with all sorts! I'm terrified he's going to repeat what he said and they will take him off me.

He is a very happy boy, developing normally, very well cared for and loved. I am mortified and really need some reassurance that the truth will come out if I trust the process. But I have read enough threads to know social workers get things wrong.

Please help a worried mum

Don't worry. They won't take him off you. Think of the kids who end up in the news that weren't taken away when they were being severely abused.

It's not illegal to discipline children in England by smacking. Unless the nursery had noticed bruising, change in behaviour etc in addition to the comment it should not have been escalated to social services.

My youngest once told nursery that it makes him sad when daddy locks him in the cupboard. Further questioning revealed that they'd been talking about emotions, he said 'I know daddy has never done that but they asked what would make me sad and it would make me sad if he did do it'.
This case will be closed as quick as it's opened, social workers have way to many complex cases on their hands to take something like this any further. Try not to worry.

Have your DH there for the visit.

In the absolute worst case scenario and they think you may have hit him they will leave him in the care of DH and ask that you stay elsewhere until a full investigation is completed.

If all they have is a disclosure by a 3yo you have nothing to worry about.

If they were very concerned he'd be police interviewed and have a forensic examination by a paediatrician.

I had a child at the nursery where I worked tell the other staff member that I had rolled him up in a rug and hit him with a big bat and he couldn't put his hands up to stop me because they were in the rug. Another child apparently saved him. It was really very detailed.

We had neither a rug, nor a bat on the premises and not a mark on him plus I had been in the baby room for 3 days so had hardly seen him. 😂

Children have very active imaginations and SS are aware of that. They'll talk to him, that's all. Make sure it really is just a tall tale and then leave you to it. They would rather talk to 100 children who are fine than miss the one who isn't.

My son did something naughty at school (year 1)

The teacher said that she would have to tell us at pick up and he cried and said that if she told us his dad would lock him in a cupboard without any dinner.

Little bugger

Op, SS often have reports from a variety of sources highlighting serious concerns (Heath, school, extended family), in your case, it’s 1 source, with nothing from others, so very unlikely for anything serious like removal.

completely understand your concerns

Four year olds get confused - no doubt he is thinking of him hitting you! - and him expecting he might get hit back!

At about two and a half my son had the misconception that anything in a can was beer. He duly told nursery staff that mummy drinks beer in the car.

it was Diet Coke!

I was exactly the same. Your brain just automatically goes to worst case scenario. It definitely will be one for his 21st! I can laugh about it now and it was only 5 years ago so don’t despair 😂

What he actually told his nursery key worker was that he was in the kitchen (his play kitchen) making sausage and mash for dinner (for the family) when I just came out of nowhere and ‘punched’ him in the side of the head. They were his exact words!

I am so sorry this is happening to you OP. I worked as a nanny for a while studying and the little boy, who was about 3, told his mum I hit him. I was horrified, I have never struck a child and never would. I immediately assumed they would believe him, but the mum said after they questioned him, they actually did not believe him. It was horrible. I thought about quitting because I was so uncomfortable for a while. But I stuck it out. He was a lovely little boy usually, it came totally out of left field.

My now 30 year old at that age cut his head open jumping on the bed

Off we went to get him stitched up and he told the nurse that the smal graze on his knee (old graze from coming off his scooter) was done by me with a big fat kitchen knife 🙈

We swapped looks and the nurse kind of smirked at me and told us a story of how her child when a similar age told nursery that she gives him injections every day to make him grow

She had a social worker visit her that night and all was fine especially when she explained that she was a nurse so his active imagination went wild.

I never did get any visits or phone calls so can only assume she decided there was no need to report.

We still laugh about it now

Reading this thread has taught me that kids are dicks.

I've been desperate for my 20 month old to start talking. Now I'm not so sure...

@IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine they really are dicks! Be careful what you sish for. Although all these stories are making me feel much better.

My other son managed to convince a reception teacher we had two dogs a cat and some fish he drew pictures names ages the small dog was old he was DETAILED

we had no pets not one

One of mine wrote in his journal about how he'd witnessed a shooting in America by the cops next to our hotel during our trip to the States during the 6 week hols. Teacher rang me in work and said that she thought ds might need to talk to a professional about the trauma he'd gotten from witnessing the police shoot out.

We'd been camping in North Wales. Most traumatic thing that happened was he dropped a magnum that had cost me almost 3 quid.
(Absolute little shit had his TA really worried he'd developed ptsd! 😂)

😄

I have an update. I had a phonecall with a social worker who interrogated me on the phone for ages before saying she was going to discuss with her manager. She rang me back to say they are closing the case. No further action but a note will remain on file! Thank god for that. Thank you everyone for the support!

My 7 year old doesn’t remember the difference between caffeine and alcohol, just knows he isn’t allowed either. So he announced that mummy needs alcohol in the morning to wake up.

He also told DM that his favourite drink is pina colada and he has it with his breakfast. She was shocked, until I showed her the empty Co-op pina colada smoothie bottle, which is just pineapple juice and coconut (he is right, it is very nice).

I’m sorry you’re going through this OP but try not to worry and be as open and honest with social workers as you can. Follow the process and I’m sure all will be fine. I have no direct experience of this but as a parent of a 3 year old I can completely understand how this could happen (as I’m sure most parents can) just earlier today, while helping my DD get dressed my engagement ring scratched her arm, I of course apologised and said it was an accident, she argued with me for 10 minutes that it wasn’t an accident and I was naughty 🫣. She also last week told her nursery teacher in front of me that mummy hurt her foot I sheepishly explained I accidentally sat on her foot while we were playing on the floor. Kids take things very literal and have a strong sense of fair and right and wrong, is it possible something like this has happened and he has truthfully (in his mind!!) and innocently told her nursery about it?

My gosh some of these kids!!

You can get some sleep now Op .

just bear in mind some of these children are been abused … if we try judge who is and isn’t lying without investigation that’s where children fall through the cracks ..

My Ds year 5 had NSPCC in talk about the pants program. He told the teacher a stranger had touched him down below and hurt him and he didn’t want them to.

As you can teacher thinks it a huge disclosure .

it turns out it was when he was having a medical issue in his testes . Had an emergency operation which I consented to .

So I obviously had to have a chat with Ds and Teacher probably drowned in paperwork that night but also was very relieved .