Reported to social services!

[Higgeldypiggeldy35]

Hi,

I desperately want some advice as I am so worried.

My 3 year old out of nowhere told nursery I hit him. I have never and would never hit him. I believe in gentle parenting. If anything he has been more aggressive to us recently when having a tantrum and we have had to say gentle hands and no hitting, redirecting him regularly.

Anyway nursery were forced to report this to social services. I have had a phonecall with a social worker today and been truthful about everything but she still wants to meet my child.

Does anyone know what sort of questions they will ask? Can someone I trust be there or my husband? And what the hell will they do if he says again that I have hurt him??!! I cant believe they will take the word of a 3 year old as gospel but quite honestly he comes out with all sorts! I'm terrified he's going to repeat what he said and they will take him off me.

He is a very happy boy, developing normally, very well cared for and loved. I am mortified and really need some reassurance that the truth will come out if I trust the process. But I have read enough threads to know social workers get things wrong.

Please help a worried mum

They have to meet your child on his own for a short time because on previous occasions when they’ve taken a parent’s word for it there have been serious injuries and fatalities. You must be so anxious, hopefully the visit is soon and your fears won’t come to anything.

Hi OP. Sending a hand hold to you because I know how dreadful this is - this exact thing happened to me.

When he was 3 my DS also told his nursery I hit him. Nursery rang me at work and said that there has been an incident that they can’t give me specifics over the phone but can I come to nursery ASAP. When I got there they told me what DS had said and that they had to report it to social services and to expect a phone call.

Social worker rang me whilst I was at nursery saying they would be at my house in an hour (?!) so I rushed home with DS to meet them. They asked us a few Qs, looked in the fridge, looked in DS room then they took DS to his room by himself to ask him some questions. Whilst with them DS told them mummy and daddy have never hit him, he doesn’t know what they are talking about and sometimes he hits mummy and daddy!! They were here about an hour.

They said they’d be back again in a couple of weeks which indeed they did for a short follow up to check up on us I guess then about a month later we got a really long report basically saying it’s something of nothing, DS has a very active imagination and they have no concerns.

The whole episode really shook me to my core. I couldn’t sleep or eat and was thinking the worst all the time, so I know how you must feel. Obviously they have a job to do, but I’m sure they will come to you as they came to me and realise it is a DC with an overactive imagination and they have no concerns about his welfare. Just try to keep strong and lean on any family and friends that you can. Luckily one of my best friends is a social worker so she was kind of briefing me on what to expect which really helped.

Please feel free to message me if you need to.

Small children say all sorts. If you regularly say "kind hands, no hitting, hands are not for hitting" then he's likely just redirecting that. I've had kids say I kicked them or I pushed them, when actually they tripped over my feet while running past me. As we as totally random stuff that can't be true. Yes you shot laser beams from your eyes and made the car explode? Of course, good work. But social services have a priority of keeping children safe, and it would be neglectful of that job if they just shrugged off a report that a child said they were hit by a parent. They have to at least briefly check it out, and make sure the child has a safe living environment (a bed to sleep in, food in the house, washing facilities, etc).

@Tisfortired Thank you for telling me your experience. I have been just beside myself spiralling mentally that they will take him off me

Honestly the things he comes out with, he certainly has an active imagination! I just hope this will turn out to be one of those funny stories you tell at their 21st!!

Don't panic - even if they did think you did hit him (unlikely as...you don't, and therefore there's no sign of injury etc etc), nothing much will happen. They might send you on a parenting course and check up on him for more visits.

The threshold for removing a child from his parents is really high. They certainly wouldn't do it just because a 3yo said once that his mum hit him.

Please don’t panic. My the 3 year old DS told nursery that I left him alone while I went to work, and he watched Clifford the big red dog. He must have dreamt this because it obviously never happened! SS came out and spoke to us all (DS separately) and were reassured and we never heard from them again.

Try not to worry. My DD was around that age when she told the A&E doctor that the gash on her head was because Mummy pushed her over. It was a gust of wind as she was walking ahead of me down a steep path. Kids sometimes come out with nonsense and the professionals can tell when that's the case.

Its reassuring that its not just my child that is trying to throw me under the bus! Kids ey?!

The threshold for removing a child from his parents is really high. They certainly wouldn't do it just because a 3yo said once that his mum hit him.

👆

I was a teacher for 27 years and I can confirm that the threshold for removing children is really high. I don’t think you need to worry. Small children come up with all sorts of strange stories.

My logical brain is telling me not to be ridiculous but my emotional brain is having a panic attack

Mine used to love running off in supermarkets because she loved the sound of the tannoy announcing her name as a lost child 🙄

@AngelusBell that made me chuckle

Maybe take some comfort in that ss in your area are on the ball. Some dc who is actually being abused may not slip through the cracks near you....
During our lengthy divorce exh had a known sex offender in his home. A relative playing Xbox with my dc.. Unsupervised.. I reported the matter to ss.. Their response was that it was probably nice for the dc to have had a catch up....

My sister pulled a similar stunt she told her teacher aged around 5 that she was made to sleep in a cupboard
(this was pre Harry Potter)

She wasn’t. Her room was a small double bedroom. Albeit smaller than the rooms her two siblings occupied but still a very respectable bedroom that contained a single bed, large bookcase/storage unit, chest of drawers, built in wardrobe and floor space to play.

SW came round. Inspected the bedroom. Spoke to my sister again.

closed the case.

That bedroom was known as “the cupboard” until we sold the house after our parents died.

my Mum was very stressed at the time though.

Oh you poor thing @Higgeldypiggeldy35, how distressing! I can completely understand why you are so worried and upset. However, your child sounds well cared for and loved and a social worker will see that. They simply have to investigate this however and I am sure that this is a lot more common than you think.

All I will say is, do not attempt to 'coach' your child in any way! It's like saying 'don't think of a red lorry' and that is what will immediately come to mind. Let the process, upsetting as it is, happen organically and all will be well xx

My son said I killed him
He also said I broke his legs

Fortunately no-one believed him 😂

@CountessWindyBottom thats exactly my thought. The bigger deal I make it the more attention he has! Its only going to make him say it more!

I remember sitting on the sofa watching TV and my rambunctious 5-year old nephew came running in, tripped over the dog and landed at my feet.

He then went running out saying I kicked him in the head. I’ve still not forgiven him, and he’s now 46.

@Theunamedcat can you imagine that call to ss. Boy at nursery said his mum killed him, please can you investigate!

That must be so stressful OP

My DD at age 4 told her teacher one morning that she arrived screaming and me trying to get her through the door because I'd got mad at her and scratched her on purpose. I got a concerned phone call where I gave my side of the story. I got another one around half an hour later once DD admitted that she was messing around getting ready and I'd actually accidentally scratched her while trying to wrestle her into her cardigan. She was crying because she didn't want to go to school and I'd practically dragged her there so I could get to work on time.

We did laugh but I was so relieved that she didn't continue with her little story. She came out that day with a reward chart to help her behave better in the mornings. Kids make up all sorts of crap and I'm sure SS will drop it once they've had a chat with you both.

I think DD only admitted the truth once her teacher had shown how serious it was for her to say that. She has no memory of it now of course 🙄

My 7 year old once phoned 999 and told police he was left home alone. He said Mummy and Daddy went out without me. We did but we left him with a 25 year old baby sitter who he forgot to mention. Police came rushing to our house with blue light on and the babysitter opened the door and the police insisted on speaking to DS. They basically told him off and said he was stopping them from catching criminals. They rang us to tell us what had happened. I'm sure they will see your ds does not have slap marks on him. They will talk to him and he'll probably say he never said it.

My son told childcare provider I tried to kill him. The handbrake had failed on my car and it rolled forward touching his leg which had been scary enough then to be quizzed about his comments at end of day was something else!

She’s 25 now but at the time I was mortified!