Posting for a friend.
Advice sorely needed. I’ll state the situation and add what I advised below, but I don’t know if it’s accurate!
Situation:
The divorce occurred several years ago, and friend had always allowed the ex to have the child every Christmas. Ex’s family are extremely local whereas friend’s family live very far (4hr drive). Ex always said that this was what was better for child and friend went along with it. Child is now nearly 7 and the ex’s argument of ‘child can’t be away from me’ does not hold any water anymore and my friend wants to alternate Christmasses etc. but ex refuses to budge and will not enter into a conversation. The divorce was entirely without solicitors/court orders. The ex couple simply agreed arrangements amongst themselves but it has been so far dependent on my friend simply giving in for the sake of not causing problems for the child.
my advice
(from my own experience of going through the process as I am currently going through a divorce with children etc):
It is highly preferable for parents to have 50:50 unless there is a good reason not to. If the ex will not engage in a conversation or be reasonable and share the time then my friend should write a very adult, well reasoned email detailing their proposal for future arrangements, and suggesting that they go through the legal system if necessary. Problem is that friend is not awash with cash but ex is.
i suggested that the current legal thinking is firmly on my friend’s side and they will not have much difficulty arguing, and could potentially represent themselves if need be.
But there is the added problem of introducing acrimony to a previously ‘smooth’ (as I said only because friend didn’t argue) relationship.
I very much hope that someone is able to suggest a quicker route to getting a fair arrangement.
thank you.
(I know it’s annoying to read but I have purposely obscured the sex/genders of the people in question).