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Parenting

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Original poster

Dad a baby toddler groups - what do you think?

44 replies

Bumperlicious · 14/04/2008 21:33

Dh and I are both looking after DD part-time and I have been trying to encourage him to go to baby groups. I couldn't understand his reticence until today until he said that he was worried that the mothers would think he was a perv being a man hanging around at a baby group. he said I don't understand what it is like as a man.

So, not that I expect it to make any difference to him, I was wondering what your thoughts would be about a man at a group. Would you be concerned?

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nancy75 · 14/04/2008 21:34

i wouldnt care at all, but just asked my dp and he says the same, he would probably be the only dad and would be worried the mums would think him a perv.

TheFallenMadonna · 14/04/2008 21:35

God no. We have a Dad every week at ours. He is a widower. How horrible to think that he might have been put off by thoughts like that.

Is that really why he doesn't want to go?

PuhPeng · 14/04/2008 21:35

There are a few chaps who go to my toddler groups. One of them is a good friend of mine.

It's quite nice - these things can get a bit hag ridden.

Wouldn't cross my mind to be concerned because there was a man there.

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cazboldy · 14/04/2008 21:36

How odd....

why would anyone think he is a "perv" for spending time with other parents and babies???

TurkeyLurkey · 14/04/2008 21:36

No way he won't be thought of as a perv!

We had a dad at our baby group and he was the most popular person there! Its still a novelty to see a man at these groups, he was never stuck for someone to chat too..we wouldn't leave the poor bloke alone!!

dizzydixies · 14/04/2008 21:36

I made dh take dd1 to a baby gym, he loved all the activities but NOT keen on the singing bless him, neither was I!!!

there was at least one other bloke there too - would he not come with you just for a look see?

Mercy · 14/04/2008 21:37

Not at all.

When I went to toddler group there were a couple of dads, even one grandfather occasionally. Atm I know a dad who makes a point of taking his dd when his working pattern allows and he has actively encouraged other dads to do the same.

I'm suppose it might be hard to start with but where I live not all parents work 9-5 Mon-Fri so it's not at all unsual to see dads taking dc to school on a regular basis.

sophierosie · 14/04/2008 21:37

DH used to take dd to baby group when he was looking after dd ft and he found it ok. I don't think many mums spoke to him much, but he certainly never reported any sense of people looking at him weirdly iyswim.

Why would anyone be concerned about a man at a group, especially if he was with his own child?

NorthernLurker · 14/04/2008 21:38

I think he would find most groups have a sprinkling of dads As long as he can give a few juicy details about the childs birth and mucks in with crafts/singing/crowd control - he'll be fine

Fennel · 14/04/2008 21:38

My DP has always taken ours, so does my BIL. They are quite often the only men and I think the women are a bit slower to start chatting to them, but I don't think it's that unusual - most toddler groups I've been to have the occasional man. One group I went to had 5 men.

DP doesn't find it too traumatic going, but he's not very shy.

pistachio · 14/04/2008 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spamm · 14/04/2008 21:38

We had two dads who used to come to our mother and baby group when ds was small, and I thought it was great. Like anybody, it helps if you go regularly and join in. Surely people would only think it strange if he turned up without a baby?

mrschop · 14/04/2008 21:38

It is quite common for dads who do shifts (policemen, firemen etc) to turn up at baby/toddler groups - I don't register it other than to notice that all the little boys usually attach themselves to any dad that turns up!

EffiePerine · 14/04/2008 21:39

Maybe he doesn't want to hang around with mums? Fair 'nuff.

Original poster

Bumperlicious · 14/04/2008 21:39

Fallenmadonna, it's probably just one of the reasons (tbh I'm not a huge fan of them either - but it's adult conversation!). But he wouldn't say that if he didn't think it.

I tried telling him he would be a novelty and they would love him but he is still worried.

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QuintessentialShadows · 14/04/2008 21:39

He might not actually like the idea of a baby group, I know I dont.

I know a man who is a stay at home dad, his wife is the breadwinner. He says there are so many like him, they have their own baby groups, where they meat up at each others houses hosting coffee mornings where the kids come to play, or they go in a big group to other toddler groups. Strenght in numbers and all that. Why dont you and your dh try to find out if there is something similar around where you are?

But if you already take your dd to toddler groups, why should he do too? Why not find something he might enjoy with her more? Like cycling and going for picnics at the park, a membership at somewhere like Gymboree, or little Kickers football, etc? Swimming?

foxythesnowfox · 14/04/2008 21:42

Would not be concerned at all. He's there with a child, not on his own.

He has to join in. Sitting there with a newspaper isn't an option. And he will probably have to instigate conversations.

Tell him some of the mothers might flirt with him!!

AnotherFineMess · 14/04/2008 21:42

My DH loves taking our two to playgroup as he gets beautiful women making him cups of tea and cooing over his parenting skills! It is a little strange though, that despite him being an excellent, capable father, he does seem to attract people wanting to 'help' him! Or maybe they are just being overly nice to make sure that he does feel welcome as a man in that environment?

Either which way, much fun is had by all so I'd encourage your DH to go.

foxythesnowfox · 14/04/2008 21:44

I think our need to go out and interact with other parents in the same situation is greater than our DPs TBH. Certainly my DP is happy to be self-contained with the LOs. Infact, they all seem quite content watching him reading the paper with Sky Sports in the background

Original poster

Bumperlicious · 14/04/2008 21:55

LOL foxy!

I guess I just have this sense of "if I drag myself along to these things for the good of DD why shouldn't he?". I know, I'm unreasonable!

I'm thinking of holding a Meet The Dads get together with some of my mummy friends to meet their partners, maybe that will help. I just know how isolating it can be on your own with a baby. And despite my attempts at persuasion he won't use mnet. How else do you find the answer to "my baby has just chewed through the laptop cable, should I get a new one?"

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3kidsisquiteenuff · 15/04/2008 08:53

we have only one dad at our parent and toddler group and its lovely to see him playing with his kids .we are all incredibly jealous that we dont have partners like that.my dh just cant see why i go every week and says it must be really boring but i love going ,adult company is what every stay at home mums need!!!!

Tutter · 15/04/2008 08:54

several SAHDs around here

if anything i'#m more likely to talk to them than the mums

foxythesnowfox · 15/04/2008 14:02

The thing is Bumper, you need to let him have his relationship with her and let him care for her his way.

Its a hard lesson to learn, and I struggled with it first time round. Besides, who do we really go to baby & toddler groups for? I go for me and DD1. Not for DD2 though.

Let them get on with it, then you LO will have the best of both worlds.

EffiePerine · 15/04/2008 16:01

My husband looks after DS 2 or 3 days a week. He didn;t want to go to any groups and I didn't think of making him! He much prefers to do his own thing with DS, taking him to the park or to local museums, or photographing odd bits of junk and I'm happy to see them getting on with it .

DevilwearsPrada · 16/04/2008 18:38

DH always takes DD2 to toddler groups, he goes with BIL who has a 14 month old. They get ooohed and aaahed by the mums.

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