Do you have a village?

[wonderings2]

Being nosey....prompted by the school holidays also.

I was speaking to my sister and she mentioned that a friend of hers had "one hell of village around her" - friend has one grandparent that will have DC (4) over night, one night a month and another set of grandparents provide childcare 1 day a week as both parents work full full time (DC is in nursery the rest of the time)

It just got me thinking what is considered "a village" do you get any help with childcare, or anything else connected to having a family? Are you the village? I know some friends who pay their parents to look after DC for example.

DH and I are also quite old parents and we're pretty fit but if DC decide to have children later (or at all) we may well be far too doddery to help 😅

I live in a village 😂 not sure that's what you mean though?

But if you mean basically a group of reliable people for hands-on support to help with parenting your children, no, no I don't have anything of the sort.

DP's parents are both dead, my mum is dead and I'm no-contact with my dad. My brother and all my aunts/uncles live in America. DP is no-contact with his only sister.
We only have the one child because we knew with no grandparents or relatives at all around to help out, it's HARD.

We all have a village. All children have access to education, teachers, TAs, medical professionals, librarians, sports coaches, school secretary, policeman on the street, firemen if they are caught in a fire, coast guard if they are washed out on a dingy, youth group leaders, vicars/imams/priests/ AandE in an emergency, breakfast club staff, social workers if needed..... the list goes on and on and on

Incidentally... this is the evolutionary purpose of the gay uncle...

We don’t have any family nearby but they were always happy to have the kids for a night or two if we had a special occasion. Many times we met half way at a motorway services to hand over.

The rest of my “village” comprises of friends and school mums - there was always somebody to do an emergency pick up because of bad traffic, or drop mine off at after school classes like football or ballet or have them for tea if we were busy.

It was reciprocated, in fact I did way more than my fair share of helping other parents and didn’t mind one bit. You create your own village by being there for others.

Not through family, but my mum-friends are an amazing support network. We tag-team throughout school holidays, school pick-ups, weekends when one of us is working etc. We are lucky that our children are similar ages (8 children between us) and all get on with each other.

I have a village. My parents do 3 days childcare per week and at least 1 overnight a week. They also do ad hoc hours over the weekend if we need to do the big shop etc.

Partners family are a little further away but they would also happily do childcare/overnights if we need it.

I have friends and siblings on hand too if we need someone to sit in with our LO after they've gone to bed.

I NEVER take for granted how lucky I am. I have so much admiration for people doing this without a village. I try and pay it forward to friends of mine who I know aren't as lucky.

I brought up my own children, family did not live close, so just got on with it.

My mum and stepdad and incredible as our village. My partners parents will step in if asked but not often reliable (MIL travels half the month).

I can work full time and continue a hobby I really love thanks to the support from my mum and stepdad.

I have one and I’m part of several other people’s. I happen to live in an actual village which I think has helped with making good friends who live minutes away. I currently give more help than I receive which suits me fine, I know I have people I can lean on when I need them. We have one grandparent involved, my mum, and we don’t need or therefore get much childcare but she’s always happy to help and we see her a lot.

I do, I live close to my DM who helps out a lot but the rest of the family come and visit frequently and are wonderful emotional support. We also live very close to our friends who are all currently child free but offer to babysit/arrange days out etc with us regularly. I am really grateful. I don’t have any ‘mum’ friends though, which can sometimes be difficult as everyone around us either has no idea what raising kids is like or raised there’s a whole ago and a lot has changed.

No village sadly as family live a distance away and not prepared to travel to help … which is fair enough. But have built up a small number of friends over the years who I can ask to help …. Which I really appreciate and also reciprocate. I do still feel a bit overwhelmed at times :(

No - too old. It’s fine as we’ve never known any other way.

We didn’t. A handful of people who would help in a dire emergency (until DM could get to us from two and a bit hours away or DPIL from two hours away). Result is that we pay serious cash for after school care and have done for a decade (and will do until DS2 is a secondary school). Having had the same childminder for 11 years now means that we have a back up adult who I could call in the middle of the night.

Am I jealous, no, because we moved away for uni and never went back. And we waited until our jobs covered the childcare. Had either of us not wanted a career we might have moved ‘home’. We made our choices.

No, just me and DH.

Our family don't live near us so it's just us. No childcare help, no babysitting but we're used to it now.

No, we don't have family living close and don't have any close friends. I don't feel a great need for any more support than we have though. We don't have any child-free time right now but our lifestyle and activities are all centred around the dc. I'm a sahm so I can manage most of the dc's needs on my own, and we've used paid childcare like preschool before the nursery hours kick in, and activity camps during school holidays, which is enough to give me a break and get appointments done.

I wouldn't really want to become dependent on friends for babysitting tbh. I prefer the clarity and legal protection of paid childcare, and I wouldn't really want to be babysitting for other kids either.

Despite having family nearby we have no village. Grandparents have never helped, never had DS for even 2 mins alone, never offered to help in other ways either. DS is disabled with high needs so friends couldn't handle looking after him so we can have a break. Only help or support we've ever had is from his nursery. He's finished nursery now as starting school but his key workers have given me their phone numbers in case we ever want a babysitter. The fact that we now even have that option is pretty mind-blowing! Definitely jealous of those who have a village!

No, never asked for childcare from family. Just the odd evening or day baby sitting. We used to see my parents twice a week as they lived nearby when DC young, but I was usually there too

Kind of. My parents help in an emergency or if I’m desperate enough to beg, but if I try to plan ahead I can honestly mention something 1000 times and they will ‘forget’ and then I’m left shafted. My grandma has been my biggest help, I can’t leave the kids with her because she’s 84 and not totally stable but I can go to her house for a full day and she will happily entertain the kids for hours and give me a break that way - but then I think it’s because she genuinely enjoys their company, my parents aren’t as keen I don’t think

Me and DH are early 20's with young ish parents. My DM is a SAHM so will look after 1 year old DS whilst I work 3 days a week. She also takes care of him if me and DH want to go out together alone and will take him if I want some time alone or a chance to deep clean house. I do also have DS and MIL but they're usually last resort for me. Its a massive help as it means 0 childcare fees

My DD has 2 DC 9 and nearly 6 …..they have maternal grandparents ( us) ….we pick up from school once a week and take swimming, do tea etc…..they sleep over every fortnight …..we have them a week once a year while parents go away…..then there’s paternal grandad…..he works away….when he’s home he takes them out for the day ( maybe every 6 weeks) ….he will babysit in evenings or after school if asked……then paternal grandma …..she only has them if asked …..but is happy to do it…………but does take them out for tea every week…..then there’s paternal aunts…….the DC sleep over with cousins every 2 weeks on average…..they will help with childcare at short notice if needed…..maternal uncle….lives abroad….comes home for a few weeks several times a year…..takes them to school every day buying them Starbucks on the way! …..takes them the beach ….the park…all outdoor stuff….. my DD and partner have a friendship group from school ….around 8 couples….often have each others kids….. but to be honest this is all very normal where I live in the NW …..no one seems to struggle for baby sitters

What @BrieHugger said earlier is key - . You create your own village by being there for others

I worked shifts and had a huge village of other parents, friends, local teenagers etc.

This is the most unhelpful comment and not at all what the OP was referring to.

Yes I am very lucky to have my village, to be honest I didn’t realise how lucky I was until I read so many posts over the past few years about how little help people have.

My parents and in laws do 3 days a week childcare for us, also will provide weekend babysitting if we have something on. My sister and my partners brothers and their wives are all lovely people and love spending time with little one. Lastly within my friendship groups I’d say there’s about 8-9 of us that have had a baby or currently pregnant in the last 2 years and we all help each other muddle through. Very lucky family.

Yes I had a village when my children were small. And have a village now.

I think the most damaging recent trend is the "my little family" dynamic. The "why would I want to talk to school gate mums?" dynamic. The tally keeping dynamic. The "my home is my safe place-I don't want anyone in it" dynamic. No wonder people find themselves isolated.