Does your partner help with night feeds?

[Kiwiburgh]

I'm just curious what people's opinions/ expierence is.
We have a 5 month old formula fed baby who sleeps in his own room. I'm on maternity leave for 1 year.
Husband has never done 1 night feed, baby generally wakes at 2200,0200 and 0500 for a feed.
I of course wouldn't expect him to do a weekday as he works full time but it would be nice if he could do at least the 2200 feeds on weekends.
We do have a toddler who is an early riser around 5/ 530am but it's myself who also gets up with him except on a Sunday when husband will.
My friend feels he should be helping out more at weekends, what's the opinions of people here, is it asking too much of him?
Even when I'm sick with tonsalitis currently he wont do a feed. Baby goes down really well after a feed, falls asleep independently so it's not as if he'd have to spend ages rocking ect. ( I'm very luck this baby is a great sleeper compared to his brother)

Thanks :)

With my bf one, no obviously not, though he did do lots of settling and walking around the house with him to let me sleep.

With my bottle fed one, yes, he made every single bottle ever, except one night when he went out with friends, until she dropped the bottles at 9 months. Going and warming up a bottle takes 5 minutes but it meant me not having to wander around the house with her and I could do a nappy change if needed in that time.

He was working FT and starting a business so also working evenings (sometimes with a baby attached to him). But that wasn’t a reason why he couldn’t wake up a couple times a night to help with a feed for 5 minutes. When we both went back to work at 9 months, there was still night wakings to do and you both have to do it, even when you have to get up and go to work in the morning, so was no more difficult at 6 months or 8 months.

And he definitely did some actual feeds sometimes, but I couldn’t really tell you how often as don’t really remember. Definitely for about 2 months, I was pumping at night, so he would do the feed while I pumped, so meant I guess that he literally did every night feed or just about.

Of course he did! With ff baby we split it 50-50 or alternated nights.

With my bf baby I did all the (billions) it feels but he dealt with all toddler wakes (1-2 a night) and got up with both in the morning.

Your bar is very low.

Yes, he is working full time so that you and the baby have something to eat 🤡

Yes, he is working full time so that you and the baby have something to eat 🤡

I say this kindly but I think your bar is very low. Partner should take turns with the night feeds, even midweek when he’s in work the next day. Fair enough both taking turns to have a sleep in of a weekend. But he needs to be doing more around the house other than the fucking garden and DIY.

I EBF but my DH would do nappies in the night and walk round rocking them if needed. Would often take the baby from 5am so I could get a chunk of sleep if I'd had a particularly bad night. Looking after a baby/toddler all day IS work

Your bar is very low.
As one of our babies two parents, my dh pulled equal weight.

Over the years, we did different things (alternate nights, or one going to bed about 9pm whilst the other did the late evening feed, or alternate 5am wake ups at different times, with each of the dc), but no way would he even have expected to have been getting 8 hrs + sleep a night if I weren't.

My babies were all breastfed so it's not exactly the same.. but no he didn't do any of the night feeds.. but what he did do was on his days off he got up with the baby (amd the other kids too when they came along) and had them downstairs only bringing her up to put her on the boob if needed.. then taking her away again downstairs. Until I got up.. and he'd never pressure me to get up at any point.. could've stayed the whole day in bed if I'd liked.. and did a few times!! So I caught up on sleep that way.
There does need to be a compromise where you are getting a good stretch of sleep a few nights or days a week. You might have to be flexible about that not necessarily being at night tho.
Even if I'd formula fed I don't think I'd have wanted to split the nights as it's worse for me of you've got two grumpy sleep deprived people. I think I'd rather he have a good night's sleep then took the kids off my hands in the morning and had enough energy for them.

Husband should be doing all the 10pm feeds, then have 1 lie in each on the weekend but that means the other parent does all the night wakings of the night before.

Raise your bar OP!

The beauty of splitting the nights is that you don't end up with two grumpy sleep deprived people. You end up with two people that are a bit tired, but no one is knackered!

Having 7 hours solid sleep alternated with maybe 4 hours broken is actually pretty manageable as the solid sleep boosts you back up. I tried both systems (second was BF so all on me), and the difference in my energy levels and quality of life is stark.

Yes, we share it equally even when my husband is at work. He has an office job and we both agree going to work in an office and having some adult time is much easier than looking after a baby all day! Being on mat leave isn’t a holiday or break (it wasn’t for me last time anyway)