Driving with my son is dangerous

[RosiePosey33]

I have a 3 nearly 4 year old son and I find driving with him is becoming more and more distracting and sometimes dangerous.

He talks constantly, doesn't give himself a break and I find it really hard to concentrate. I've told him this. I've said mummy needs to concentrate when I'm driving but he constantly says 'mummy' 'mummy' 'mummy, look' 'mummy, turn around and look'

I've told him I cannot turn around when I'm driving as it's dangerous but he still goes on and on.

I've tried giving him some small toys to play with but he eventually drops them and then it's mummy can you get my toy. Mummy! Mummy! I've tried playing games with him like eye spy or giving him a mission to spot so many things but I get a running narrative.

I feel like when I'm trying to park the car I'm going to end up bumping into someone as I cannot concentrate.

It's getting worse. Also if myself and my husband are in the car and trying to talk to if I'm telling him where something is my son just buts in all the time and it's usually something ridiculous like look a tree.

The other day for example we were in a new area going to a farm park and I was trying to tell my husband about the next turn and my son was just saying daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy Listen to me daddy!!!

We then missed the turn off and it added another 15 minutes to our journey.

Help!!

Play nursery rhymes and teach him to sing to them.
Plus he needs to learn to be ignored sometimes.

We are 11 years into it - there’s nothing you can do - DS only stops talking when he’s asleep

iPad holder on the back of the seat and put a film on for him

Back in the day, we used to play a story CD in the car. It always worked a treat. Bernard Cribbins reading Winnie the Pooh was just the best!

Ask him to stop talking. If he doesn't, pull in and turn off the engine. Tell him you'll start driving again when he is quiet. Don't respond to him apart from gently saying "I've asked you to stop talking all the time".

You need to pick a journey where you can easily stop multiple times and when you are not in a hurry. You may need more than one such journey. If the journey has some benefit for him, turning round and going home, thereby losing the benefit, is another useful option.

All done gently and supportive of course, even if you get a tantrum. Don't back down. It worked a treat for us.

I put books in the car for my kids. My local library sell old kids books for like 10 for a pound if you fear he might damage loaned books.

If you have DAB radio try Fun Kids Junior which has all the nursery rhymes, disney songs etc. You can get a kids car organiser to hang over the chair, and fill it up with small activities, fidget toys. Temu is great for this kind of stuff.

My 4 year old is chatty too but when I need to focus I tell her I need to concentrate and then she knows she has to be quiet for a little bit. You could decide a similar phrase and practice at home when pretend driving on a dining table chair.

Good luck x

I've learned to just tune them out. It just becomes background noise to me

You have to ignore him. I'm guessing that it's not just in the car that he demands attention?

Haha that's what I was about to post about my 8yo and 6yo DC🤣

What are his consequences for keeping talking after he has been told to be quiet? As someone else says, stopping the car because it is unsafe to continue is a very real and immediate one, but only really effective if it's somewhere he wants to go. Personally I would also loose my shit at him after asking three times nicely to be quite, he would get the biggest telling off ever, but that's probably not the best approach!

How about giving him really sticky toffee or a lollipop so he can't speak round it?

Is he like this on other situations? If he can stop talking elsewhere then he can do so in the car. If he is like this constantly then it will be harder and you may need to look at something like ear plugs for you. Or an old taxi with the screen between the driver and passengers? 😜

At nearly 4 yrs old he is old enough to understand consequences. You have had some suggestions on what might be appropriate consequences already, but I would add that if you do not train your child out of this now you will end up with the 8/11 year old who can’t grasp that sometimes you have to be quiet in a car or you risk distracting the driver with potentially fatal consequences.

@DustyLee123 thanks I will try this :)

@WutheredOut I fear this !!

Stories might help (though may drive you insane). Julia Donaldson stories were a big hit at that age with my kids and Winnie the pooh and Paddington. We can't use iPads or books as both kids get travel sick.

@Suzieandthemonkeyfeet we give him the ipad on longer journeys

My toddlers are mid 20s now 😆 but I used to put a children's songs CD on or a DVD on a portable player that hung from the back of the front seats (oh, how tech has changed...!). Always worked a treat.

My dd is the same and I recognised that I couldn't be safe driving with her when I was on my own. We have switched to walking and taking public transport to most places, except at weekends when DH can drive and I can sit with dd and play games and chat to her. We never use screen time except on long train jouneys over 3 hours. Very glad we are London based so that ditching the car is an option for us!

But he just be getting non stop attention outside of the car? To think he's going to get it inside?

Just tell him to be quiet? And then books or toys.

The pulling over and stopping sounds like a great idea.

I agree with this, assuming there are no additional needs as none mentioned in your post.

My nearly 3 year old knows he needs to be quiet in the car when mummy says so. He looks at his books or we listen to Yoto stories.

You need to lay out the expectations before you head off. Make sure he has books or things to occupy him. I recommend the Lite Brite Touch for car journeys. Have a selection of children's audiobooks or music he likes. Stop the car if he starts distracting you and firmly remind him of what you agreed before heading off. He can understand that chatting is ok but when mummy says "you need to be quiet now" that he stops talking until you say it's ok to talk again.

Do it on the short ones if it’s needed too. There is no point in telling him off whilst you’re driving and making the journey shitty.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why is this funny? It's a great shout. Sick of parents indulging children that cannot shut up.

Stories are good, if you are in the UK there's quite a bit on BBC sounds so it's just audio instead of screen time. DS(4) likes Postman Pat, JoJo and GranGran, Numberblocks etc. The downside is you need an internet connection, it doesn't let you download the kids stuff!

@UtterlyOtterly has the right idea. Tough love, not easy but start now or it will be the 11 years someone else refers to.

@Suzieandthemonkeyfeet

Care to expand upon your stellar contribution to the discussion?

My child would like to talk and talk at me too but I've parented him so that he knows to be quiet when I tell him to. What brilliant nuggets can you share with us from the latest parenting book you've authored?