Husband keeps telling me I don't cook fast enough

[Soon2under2]

We have a 16 month old and I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant. I'm truly trying my best to be the best mother while battling pregnancy aches/ insomnia and so on. Amongst other things that irritate me at the moment, my husband keeps telling me I don't cook fast enough and the meals are not ready fast enough for our toddler. I'm trying my very best to cook healthy, nutritious and tasty meals for my toddler and both of us multiple times a day and sometimes, I simply can't go faster. I'm not going to serve undercooked food and also need to wait for it to cool down a bit and cut into small pieces before giving it to my toddler. It can be stressful and is a lot of work. My husband absolutely never cooks, nor helps with cooking or preparing the table or anything. I told him multiple times not to stress me when I'm cooking, I'm doing as fast as I can. He probably rushes me because while I cook, he is looking after our toddler. Otherwise, he would be following me everywhere in the kitchen and that's not safe with knives and hot oil/ water on the stove. Today I'm particularly tired, didn't sleep well and my husband did the same thing, telling me that I'm delaying toddler's nap by not cooking fast enough. I completely lost it and told him to stfu. I feel really bad about it, about swearing at my husband in front of our toddler, but it just got too stressful for a moment and he doesn't get it/ respect. Please tell me, am I in the wrong here? Am I missing something? Should I apologize? I get so confused with hormones and lack of sleep.

Tell him to do it himself then. Why wouldn’t you ?

Give him raw chicken for dinner and go up to bed for a nap.

Tell him you will swap, he can cook and you look after toddler

How can you cook faster? Surely it takes as long as each food takes to cook properly?

He can do the cooking

Your h is being very unreasonable for being so rude and putting so much on you when you're heavily pregnant.

However, it is frustrating when a toddler gets hangry.

I've recently switched to making lunch earlier in the morning and then putting it in a tupperware ready. It's a game changer. Then when we get back from our morning activity and everyone is exhausted, hot and hangry, hey presto! Lunch on the table instantly.

Get your h to do it though

Tell him to do it. Make sure you keep telling him to do it faster to stress him a bit more.

Yes, this.

It's not you, it's him - as to the swearing, it sounds like you just reached breaking point with his stupid mean attitude.

My husband absolutely never cooks

Well he needs to.
I'd cook for you and toddler and leave him out until he learns some manners and pulls his finger out.

Why have you married such a useless twat?

Ps I'd suggest your dc doesn't need a cooked meal in the midday especially ij the summer. A cheese or avocado sandwich, cold pasta salad etc is fine. You or h can prep ot in advance and even do a couple of days worth at once

Sounds pretty unreasonable of him

For your own sake, I would look into efficiencies of time where possible, especially as you're about to have another child so long cooking times become a bit of a luxury. It's hard though - before I had kids I used the slow cooker and had my veg steamer to start on a timer so basically I'd come home and dinner would be more or less ready to serve. But my oldest child doesnt like ANYTHING I do in the slow cooker! She is gradually becoming more flexible on food but if I want her to have a nutritious diet it takes work and time. And I still fail.quite a lot of the time.

(On, and DC4 is totally getting weaned on pouches for at least half her meals..... bugger! Needs must)

I wouldn't give the husband the job of cooking.

Sounds like he needs more practice looking after the toddler.

Give yourself a good hour to cook every time and don't be rushed. Plus start taking long baths and naps while husband is at home.
Maybe a 3 hour trip to the supermarket alone every Saturday too.

Backseat Cooking, I hate this! Refuse to do it if he's going to be an arsehole

I'm trying my very best to cook healthy, nutritious and tasty meals for my toddler and both of us multiple times a day and sometimes, I simply can't go faster.

Maybe at this stage (for your own sake, not his) you could try to simplify the meals as much as possible.

Oh, and definitely only cook once a day, especially in summer. Nobody needs a bhotlunch.

Stop allowing your husband to be a useless man child, don't fuss with complicated meals right now, and most importantly, tell him to never, ever speak to you like that again. Ever. If he does, that should be a deal breaker.

Well it's his turn to cook then isn't it .
Tell him you would like to see his wonderful cooking skills in action, or better still take your toddler out for a nice walk / play in the garden while he cooks for all of you. He must also of course wash up and tidy the kitchen after.

@Soon2under2

I completely lost it and told him to stfu. I feel really bad about it, about swearing at my husband in front of our toddler,

You were totally right to tell him that. Keep it up! Maybe not in front of the toddler though. If it doesn't happen very often they aren't affected but if it becomes a regular thing maybe you should be thinking why you are with this guy? Two under two is probably going to be stressful in the best and most equal of marriages, let alone when the DH is a lazy fussy SOB.

Get him to show you how it’s done.

After every “lesson” tell him you don’t get it and he’ll have to try showing you again tomorrow.

Repeat indefinitely.

*what an arsehole

OP, the only thing to say to him here is to tell him after you've told him to stfu, is that he can do it. Tell him he can cook his own meals from now on until he stops being so disrespectful.

No, you’re right and he needs to STFU, or he can start cooking for himself (which he should do some of the time anyway). I hope he at least does the cleaning after the meal.

But maybe ease the pressure on yourself a bit. You don’t need to do a proper cooked meal for lunch AND dinner every day. Or bulk cook and freeze child sized portions. My DS usually has a sandwich/bagel/crackers of some kind with various fillings and then veggie sticks/salad bits on the side for his lunch and then we all eat the same meal for dinner.

You are heavily pregnant and tired, uncomfortable.

Whilst a toddler whinging that they are hungry is annoying, it's part of the normal looking after children deal.

Your husband needs to learn to cook. He also needs to learn to treat you in a polite, appreciative manner and value the things you do.

You are going to have 2 small children under 2. That is going to take teamwork from you both and it will still be tough.

If he's going to make it harder for you then you need to sit down and deal with this, when the toddler is asleep and tell him how he is making you feel, before your second child arrives.

You really need to rest when you can at this point, and your husband needs to be properly stepping up to manage cooking, cleaning, childcare when he is available - as he will need to whilst you recover from your second birth.

You don’t need to be cooking every meal.

I would also like to tell your husband to stfu, furthermore to adult up and learn how to look after his own bloody child