Husband keeps telling me I don't cook fast enough

[Soon2under2]

We have a 16 month old and I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant. I'm truly trying my best to be the best mother while battling pregnancy aches/ insomnia and so on. Amongst other things that irritate me at the moment, my husband keeps telling me I don't cook fast enough and the meals are not ready fast enough for our toddler. I'm trying my very best to cook healthy, nutritious and tasty meals for my toddler and both of us multiple times a day and sometimes, I simply can't go faster. I'm not going to serve undercooked food and also need to wait for it to cool down a bit and cut into small pieces before giving it to my toddler. It can be stressful and is a lot of work. My husband absolutely never cooks, nor helps with cooking or preparing the table or anything. I told him multiple times not to stress me when I'm cooking, I'm doing as fast as I can. He probably rushes me because while I cook, he is looking after our toddler. Otherwise, he would be following me everywhere in the kitchen and that's not safe with knives and hot oil/ water on the stove. Today I'm particularly tired, didn't sleep well and my husband did the same thing, telling me that I'm delaying toddler's nap by not cooking fast enough. I completely lost it and told him to stfu. I feel really bad about it, about swearing at my husband in front of our toddler, but it just got too stressful for a moment and he doesn't get it/ respect. Please tell me, am I in the wrong here? Am I missing something? Should I apologize? I get so confused with hormones and lack of sleep.

Er ur husband an absolute a hole. Tell him to do it himself or stfu. Ur not in the wrong at all.

It's not about the cooking.
It's about him not knowing how to spend time with his own child.
Alternatively, he cooks, and you nag him about taking too long.

I know where I'd be sticking my wooden spoon if DH said that to me!

Get ahead of the curve. Meal planning and batch cooking is the way forward so you're not cooking 3 times a day (which won't be sustainable when #2 arrives anyway).
He can cook a couple of evenings a week too to give you a break. One cooks, one washes up.

What's going to happen when you go into hospital he will have to feed your toddler then. When you come home with newborn he will have to step up to the plate or will he starve.

Yeah, dip it in chilli and shove it where the sun don’t shine.

Down tools, put your feet up and tell him to crack on.
(Batch cooking is your friend btw)

You are not being unreasonable at all. Any decent man with a heavily pregnant wife would be helping if he sees her struggling and exhausted. Show him these replies!

Your husband is a disgrace.

That aside, why aren't you all just sitting down to dinner together and giving her a small plate of what you're having?

I'd tell him to shut his damn mouth or you'll cook for yourself and toddler and he can find his own dinner.

I'm not surprised you snapped OP. I'd have told his to stfu much sooner!

Give him a tin opener and a selection of tins and tell him that’s as fast as it gets and they’re all his.

Good for you!

The fact that you say he never cooks is not a surprise

"My husband absolutely never cooks, nor helps with cooking or preparing the table or anything. I told him multiple times not to stress me when I'm cooking, I'm doing as fast as I can. He probably rushes me because while I cook, he is looking after our toddler."

He sounds like a lazy, useless arse and I'm sorry this is what you've ended up with.

Go on strike if he mentions it again. You are pregnant. He should be worshipping the ground you walk on

Make yourself a cup of tea, sit down, and tell him to take over everything for a bit as you are pregnant and exhausted.

And as a concession, you'll read the toddler a story and do a bit of Duplo.

The only possible mitigation for his behaviour is that a lot of men (probably most of them) have no idea how knackering pregnancy can be.

Chop a bit of tomato, chuck it in a small frying pan with one egg, a few bits of sweetcorn, some grated cheese and a dash of milk. Scramble everything with a fork. Takes 2 mins to cook, and meanwhile toast a piece of bread with butter. Easy, quick and nutritious. Then order takeaway for one 😂.

I'm on the fence with this one. On the one hand, your husband not cooking/helping with cooking and hassling you is unacceptable. On the other hand, kids (especially toddlers) need to eat when they need to eat. Expecting them to wait 1-2 hours while you put together a complicated gourmet meal isn't really fair on them. There are times when some boiled pasta with cheese and a handful of frozen veggies chucked into the same pan has to do. If you want to take ages cooking from scratch, do it in the morning so you just have to reheat it later. I'm by no means strict when it comes to routine, but my kids usually expect to be fed between 5.30-7pm depending on what we've been up to that day (and whether there have been any snacks/treats) and would be tired and upset if dinner was any later.

your husband is rude and should be helping more
but why oh why are you cooking multiple times a day? at a maximum, it should be once.
breakfast your husband should make his own. max you need to make some eggs or porridge for your toddler (or just do sometime that requires no cooking eg. overnight oats or wheatabix)
lunch can be leftovers of sandwiches which can be premade. again your husband should make his own and serve himself. you don't need to set a place for him.
dinner you cook something simple, stir fries, pasta or some fish fingers that you bung in the oven. you don't even have to cook every day, cook a bit extra so it lasts two days. I keep precooked beef mince, chicken etc. in the freezer and add to dishes when I am short of time. cooks quicker and less hassle. some prep can be done while baby is napping or food made earlier in the day when baby is napping so you are not feeling stressed.

either way, your husband should be doing a lot more. have a serious word. things will get much harder once new baby comes.

I'm guessing as well as being unable(?) to cook this man is not great at amusing his child, hence his "frustration"?

So my DH is a fantastic cook who can make amazing food but it takes him hours.

There is no way I am distracting a hungry grumpy toddler for that long each day so he now cooks at the weekend where he can spend ages on the basis that he batch cooks food for during the week

What are you cooking and how long is it taking? He should cook too. Maybe you should ETB

My DH once told me I wasn’t ironing his work shirts properly. I told him if I ever heard him complain again he could do them himself. He never complained since!
I suggest you do the same with the cooking. If he says he can’t do it he needs to learn fast!

What a cunt.

(Him not you. He can do his own damn cooking or shut up).

Yeah fuck that for a bunch of bananas. I’m neither a parent nor pregnant and I would hit the bloody roof if my DP said this to me, let alone whilst trying to deal with a little one and being 36 weeks pregnant.

Have a cuppa, put your feet up, throw a recipe book or two at him and tell him to bloody well do it himself (not necessarily in that order).

If he told me to cook faster they would be the last words out of his mouth. Useless twat

My favourite phrase for these occasions is "feel free" so "Here you go darling here's the spoon - feel free to take over and speed things up"