Please help me

[mum2boys1504]

I am I'm tears and I feel useless I've had my 3rd baby 3 weels ago
I was a great mum 2 my other children. But I am failing miserably here. My baby is beautiful and sweet and 90 percent of the time he's happy and feel like we're doing well. But every single night at 6-11 he doesn't stop crying no matter what we do. I breastfeed he cries . I burp him he cries I sway him rock him whatever he cries . Not a normal cry a heartwrenching absalutely kills me inside, cry. A cry that is inconsolable
Then he passes out then I try pop him in his bed and the crying starts again. We've tried everything. He will sleep.in a carrier on his dad amd still be unsettled but better then crying for hours and getting overtired. He does atleast sleep .But I've got an infected c section scar and can't use the carrier yet. I feel like a failure. My other babies never went through this and my boob would always soothe them. But every night he gets so worked up and upset.then a viscous circle of over tired. But he's gets all his naps. And he has the right amount wake windows. It's like A switch goes off and he's like a different baby. Please someone help. I'm worried about the long term affect on his brain. With all the constant upset and screaming . I'm also really down on myself as I can't seen to settle him 😔

Imagine I had written this post and you were answering. What would you tell me?

You’d say that you are still recovering from you c section and your body will be tired from the infection and the healing
That you are distraught because you’ve had no sleep for weeks
That you’re going through a really tough time and it’s normal to feel the way you do
You would know that the baby isn’t harmed by crying and is just a fussy sleeper compared to the other two

You know all this because you’ve been here before and you know what advice you’d give to a stressed mum

You need to release the stress that you can’t control the ‘witching hour’. Baby won’t come to harm crying at all. You know it will pass but it’s just the worst of everything right now.

You need a break/ need sleep/nourishment with good food. Reach out to family and ask for help please.

Sounds like colic. It's really tough.
You're definitely not failing. It's so hard when you're sleep deprived and dealing with this.
You could try some over the counter remedies such as infacol but I'd speak to your GP/Health Visitor for advice.
It will hopefully calm down soon.

Could something be bothering him/making him uncomfortable as a result of something like a cows milk allergy? Could be worth cutting cows milk products out of your diet to see if that helps.

Just wanted to send you a hug and tell you that you're absolutely not a failure. An unsettled baby, C-section recovery and other DCs, plus the hormonal rollercoaster, it's no wonder you're feeling exhausted and upset. Hopefully someone will be along with some good advice. Take care of yourself

hey 👋 i always used gripe water to help settle upset tummies, im pretty sure its 1month+ for 5ml but honestly being 3weeks i would do 2.5ml, its not medicated and all herbal so can’t really overdose, i used it for all of mine (5), it was suggested it by my mum with my first as she used it with all hers (7) never let me down 👍🏻 xx

Not expert advice but it does sound like the horrendous witching hour (which lasted several hours with both of mine).
It WILL pass. You are doing so well x

I think it's not true to say that because something is herbal you can't really overdose, especially in small babies. Sorry. Everything can be harmful if you have too much, even water.

Fair point, i will rephrase- you can’t really overdose giving 2.5ml to a 3 weeks old is what i ment as the bottle says 1month-12months 5ml xx

I think you need to rest up in the afternoons and eat and drink plenty so your milk supply is okay.
I think it’s worth asking your Health Visitor or Dr to see if they think it’s colic; this will pass but it’s worth asking for help.

This.

Hugs, and hang in there. It will get better. You need to rest and recover too.

It does sound like colic, I would try gripe water and also holding baby so he's lying tummy down across your legs and patting or stroking his back gently. You are still recovering from major surgery and you're exhausted. Is there anyone who can take over for the afternoon so you can get some sleep? Try and keep in mind that this is just a stage and WILL pass, I know it feels like hell when you're in the middle of it. Accept all offers of help and anyone willing to give you a break is my best advice 💐

www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/crying/my-baby-wont-stop-crying-coping-colic-symptoms

My first was like this - it was horrible and exhausting and miserable for everyone but she did grow out of it. I was told it was colic. It was gone by 12 weeks.

Thank you for your reply. After some sleep I've worked really hard today on believing in myself again. He didn't sleep great but I took control and did what works. I guess not had a colic baby before (both natural births before and I've ready c section babies tummies can be more upset often) My partner is great he's doing such a. Great job. When I've slept and eaten etc I definitely feel better but when he's just seemingly in so much pain it just emotionally hurts me .. I'm also thinking it may be that I'm on antibiotics as my scar is infected? I decided to get some colief today and baby probitoics to help his tummy. It's hard as I had a traumatic burth and was away from my children for 5 days and it definitely affected my mental health. I do feel but better today but still dreading past 6pm tonight. Hoping me being prepared and calm will help..

Yeah I haven't experienced a colic baby beforei had a csection for the first time and apparently that can be a big factor. I'm also taking antibiotics and I think maybe that's making it worse ? Any tips for colic baby be very appreciated x

Do you feel it had a long term affect on her personality/tempremant ? Thank u x

I really appreciate everyone replying. I defo struggle with being kind to myself. My partner is amazing but we have no parents etc to help. I feel good all day and even laye night feeds it's just the dreaded 6-11 pm screaming etc that's reqlly hard my partner helps but yeah I think I'm so tired and still traumatised for hospital and a fee othe things. Your all right I need to be kinder.. any more to help my lovely baby tonight would be very appreciated. I'm going to try dark room White noise away from other DC and see if that helps. I feel bad as feel like always with baby and not fair on my other children. But I know I have to do what works. Also I just need to be myself again as I've lost a lot of confidence. X wish me luck tonight though x

Pleased to hear you're feeling a bit better. Good luck for tonight and go easy on yourself. You are doing an amazing job and I'm sure so much of how you feel will be down to exhaustion and needing recovery time. Take care

I am feeling alot better thanku 2 everyone. I've decided to Accept that he's a colic baby. Hug him tight and breathe. Yes I need time and 2 be kind my self. Last night posting was in desperation and in the middle of the baby being very upset. Some time to reflect amd to really soak him in has helped. He's being so smiley today and has outgrown a baby grow. So.thinkog it's colic/ growth spurt/ 30 degrees and my anti biotics.. I need to decide to learn this baby and not compare to my others. Bit embarrassed about how desperate my post was now. But not sure if keeping it would help a other mum in distress. X

My first baby was like this. I also had a similar experience to you with emergency csection and traumatic birth that left me really struggling. It really effected my confidence as a mum because I couldn't stop him crying.

With my baby, it turned out he had cows milk allergy and that caused silent reflux. If you haven't tried it already, try a dummy rather than feeding for comfort. Keep the baby as upright as possible. Gripe water can help because it is an antacid, I think it can be given from 4 weeks IIRC.

Get your partner to do everything with the older kids just now. You need to divide and conquer at the moment. Let him deal with your big kids and you deal with the baby. Keep your head up, it will get better.

Ah colic sucks! All 3 of mine had it and it was dreadful but it started getting better at 6 weeks and was gone by 10 - when you’re in it it’s horrendous and then it’s gone. If you can get dad to pack baby up in the carrier and go for a walk to give you a break from the crying. Honestly I found nothing really helped but it was less stressful to just accept it.

Glad today has been a bit better. So hard when you're in the thick of it with upset babies at that young age. Don't hesitate to book a GP or health visitor check if you're worried as they can put your mind at rest... I've found ours have always been reassuring with little ones. Hopefully it passes quickly for you and your little one! Xxx

Please don't feel embarrassed - you did the right thing reaching out. Colic is very common but it can feel very lonely when you're in the middle of it. Just know you are not alone and it's not something you're doing wrong. Hope things improve for you and your little one soon. One day this will be a distant memory 💐

Glad youre feeling a bit better. Colic is a nightmare. It is very often totallyunexplained. It gets better and does no damage.

If baby will sleep for a while in the carrier on dad, great!!!! Go with it. One of my collicky boys would only settle on my mum.

It passes. It pushes you to the brink and makes you second guess everything but it does pass. My eldest infacol helped as it was due to trapped wind in her case. My boys were a bit refluxy and needed medication. But it is very often unexplained.

I’d be very surprised if a breastfed baby that sleeps well and feeds well and is happy the whole day apart from the hours of 6-11 has CMPA. Ive had one baby with CMPA and one baby who had plain witching hour/colic and it’s like night and day. This is far, far more likely the be the witching hour/colic. It sucks but it will pass and it doesn’t damage them at all. It’s still within the realms of normal for a newborn baby to cry for 5+ hours a day.

I had about 5 weeks of this with my second baby, from about 6 weeks old. It's so darned hard, but please believe it will end well! My baby is 29 now, and has always been a joy and delight to us. He's happy and successful in life, a great son, partner and friend. The witching hour is tough, but temporary, and will do your little one no lasting harm. Be kind to yourself, use all your friends and family for support with the daily grind, and you will get through this. Sending very best wishes