Am I too old at 40 for a baby 🙃

[Rockchk31]

Exactly as the title says…me and my DP have been together for 2.5 years and have loosely talked about having a child of our own over that time- I have an 11 year old DD from my previous marriage.
Now it seems the time has come and my DP wants to get trying for a baby….I will be turning 41 in a few months but my DP is 33.
Im scared and excited all at once but I worry I’ll be too old when they are 10 for example I’ll be 50 🫣
Any advice from older parents would be welcome.

If you're fit and healthy the go for it.

I wouldn’t for a number of reasons in your OP.

I would think beyond you might be 43 when a baby is born and therefore 53 when he or she turns 10. Think about being nearly 60 when in the teenage angst years. And think about the child needing financial support through uni when you are 63 and just want to cut down your hours or even retire.
And then after uni where many kids have to return to live at home, possibly for years whilst they save for a house deposit. I know of lots of young people still living at home in their late twenties. By this time you will be in your 70's. Do you still want a child at home then??

No you are certainly not too old. I had DS at 44 and don't feel like an ancient parent. It's hard work though and gruelling being older when they're babies and toddlers, but now he's a teen he's very much benefiting from our financial stability and better standard of living. I'm semi retired and run my own business, DH is planning to retire in 2 years - so as DS goes onto A levels and University he'll have 2 non-frazzled parents for support. I think that's a huge advantage for him compared to some of his peers.

I am 45 with a 3 year old and it's the best thing ever! My partner is 1 year younger.

We didn't meet each other until our late 30s and neither of us had children, we lost two little ones due to miscarriage but then along came our gorgeous little rainbow baby/now threenager!

It's the most amazing thing in the world. Yep I'm older than others but life meant she is here now.

It would of course have been easier if younger lol but I have loved every moment.

If you feel ready go for it!

I agree, it’s not about how you feel now, it’s about how your (and their) life will look in 25 years

Only you can answer this OP. I’d take into account:

your health and fitness and weight (kids are hard work);

is marriage to dp on the cards?

will dp pull his weight as dad?

What happens if the relationship fails, would you want to be single parent to a baby?

How might dc1 react to a baby half sibling?

are you likely to be torn between baby and elder care?

are you likely to feel anxious about being “old mum” at the school gates?

I had a baby after a gap age 43. My mum was 40 when I was born, so I’m fully aware what it’s like to be/have an “old” parent. There are pros and cons. For me, it’s an absolute joy to have a young child in the house - I don’t find it overall more exhausting than when I was in my early 30s , I work hard at staying fit. Lots of swimming and running.

although, it is HARD being perimenopausal (insomnia) when you little one comes stamping into the bedroom and wakes you up with a beautiful grin at 6am every day!

Personally I think so and ruled another baby out when I was 35. I looked at life stages in future.
I definitely made the right choice for me.
You can only do what's right for you.

I don’t think it’s too old at all. My mum was 40 when she had me. Still fit and healthy and hands on GP. Never felt like I had an old mum.

I don’t understand all these people saying you will be old/ dead when she’s a teenager- average life expectancy for women is 81. a friend of mine didn’t reach 40 and died leaving 2 kids- you just never know. It can happen to anyone, even if you have kids young.

also - don’t want to be morbid but your partner is 33. That’s very young.

I'm 44 and had dc3 aged 42. No sign of perimenopause and I have loads of energy for her (I am not working so am with her 24/7). I don't have a problem with looking like an older parent, as it's a fairly common age to have dc around here (London).

Statistically you may have problems ttc so probably best not to get your hopes up, I'd recommend an NIPT to test for genetic issues, and be prepared to get fertility investigations done early on, don't wait around. There is no point worrying too much about making the decision and the distant future, nature will decide in the end.

I wouldn’t worry about when child is 10 you will be xx number of years

Age is just a number

What I have noticed is that most of those who have their children at a much younger age don’t seem to think that they could cope with having a child at any age older than when their last child was born and don’t think anyone else will be able to cope

They also have the view that a lot of those having children at an older age will get ill

What I have noticed is that it is those that had their children younger that are the ones who are getting the illnesses

I know more than 1 set of “children” who have lost both their parents by the time they reached 18 years old

These parents were under 25 when they had completed their family

As for being 70+ and having children still at home saving for a deposit.

You do realise that a lot of the worlds population don’t actually move out of the family home and multi generational living is the standard

Why not buy together. Children qualify for the mortgage and parents put up the equity from their own house and buy a much bigger property that either could afford and have your own separate spaces but being “next door” if help/childcare etc is needed

I had DD at 41. I look after my health and at 66 have perfect blood pressure and am not on any prescription medication.

If you’re both healthy, no you’re not.

It would be a totally normal age to be trying for a baby in my friendship group! I don't think too old at all. Just be prepared that it might not be simple and be ready to escalate for tests / consider ivf sooner than if younger! Good luck!

I'm 45 and can't think of anything worse than getting up and doing the school run everyday so personally I would not have considered it but you must do what's right for you.

Not too old at all go for it op best of luck xxx

Well that’s disappointing! This thread is nearly 9 months old. I was reading it hoping that there would be a rather adorable update at the end!

As this thread has come back to life I can give an update 😂
I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant and starting to get to the uncomfortable stage.
it has been an absolute rollercoaster of emotions this pregnancy that I didn’t expect…firstly I lost my long term job the day I found out I was pregnant…my partner was then made redundant a week before Christmas which resulted in him having a breakdown and wanting to leave and not want me or the baby…we quickly worked through that and are back on track…neither of us have managed to find jobs and the benefits we are entitled to don’t cover our bills but my partner is trying hard to get anything he can…we have hardly any baby stuff but I know it will all work out in the end. With all what has happened the least of my worries is my age 😅 baby is doing well, I’m having extra checks etc due to age and weight but nothing different to my last pregnancy 12 years ago. 🖤

No....I had twins at 44. It's not too old. It's amazing!!!!

I think it’s too old but so many don’t even start having babies until 40.

@Rockchk31 congratulations !!! Are you on Facebook ? Try market place and freee sites as well as people give away a lot of baby stuff for free ! Which area are you in? Xx

Congratulations Op! Obviously stressful with your job situation but sounds like you are making the best of a tough situation. Good Luck! 🤱

Too old for me, I’m 41 with DC 11&13. I’m exhausted as it is, I would really struggle with the lack of sleep and just ‘giving’ all of me to another child. My eldest would hate a baby, my DS11 would probably love it but I’d feel like I need another to be the baby’s playmate and I definitely can’t cope with or afford to have four children!

I also worry a lot about health and money and getting through as it is.

trust your gut feelings and don’t have a baby for your partner.

@okydokethen if you read the whole thread she’s 30 weeks pregnant