12 yo daughter is greedy with sweet foods. What language to use about this?

[CookingApron]

A few recent examples:

• She had some friends round to work on a school project and I heard "Oh my gosh, S, have you finished all my sweets?" And she had. I talked to her about it later but she shrugged and said that they were for everyone to share - which they were but she had taken far more than her share and her friends were miffed.

• We opened a packet of Oreos. She had one. I went out for a couple of hours and when I got back she had finished the whole packet. Her siblings were pissed off because we don't often get them and they wanted some.

• She was at a friend's house and they made cookies. I went to collect her and in the 20 minutes I was chatting to friend's mum she popped into the kitchen three times to get another cookie. I stopped her when I realised it was number 3.

• I took her and a friend to the cinema and snuck in a microwave bag of popcorn for the girls. She pretty much ate the whole bag and her friend had a handful. Then she asked for skittles. I said no. But throughout the film I felt she was more focused on the popcorn than the movie.

• Someone gave us a packet of chocolate mini rolls. There are 4 of us and 5 in the packet. We have all had one. The extra one is sitting in the cupboard. She is obsessed with who is going to have it. She has asked for it several times and been told no. I'm half expecting her to wait for a quiet moment and help herself.

She is going to the cinema with a friend tomorrow and I realised that I am worried about how she will behave about the snacks with her friend's family.

I have tried to talk to her about it like you would anything your child needs a bit of guidance about - in the moment, and without being too heavy handed - but it's not getting through, and I need to have a proper chat with her.

Not sure if it matters, but she is very slim without being underweight.

She's often not that bothered about food. She'll eat something if I put it in front of her, and she likes it. But if she can't be bothered she doesn't. Will say she's not hungry but then ask for an ice cream (obviously the answer is no!)

As a family we eat pretty healthily. She's my youngest and the other two are not like this.

So, I am taking on board the comments about how it's my attitude of regulating snacks that is weird, rather than my daughter's desire to eat more than her share of sweet things. It is true that I am out of step with my family when it comes to snacks. I rarely buy UPF (my husband bought the oreos). When I do buy chocolate or similar, my way of enjoying it is to have a little and then I don't really think about until 4 days later when I have another square. If I don't set rules, everything is demolished within 12 hours of doing the weekly shop and there is never anything in the cupboard when I fancy it, and everyone eats objectively too much sugar. My husband and older kids just accept that "Mum is weird about snacks" (weird or responsible?) and check with me about what's for eating and what's for saving or for lunch boxes.

A few thoughts; not saying any particularly apply to you op...

Do you have regular healthy meals together sitting at the table? Could you encourage her to eat more during those meals by involving her in the planning and cooking, and maybe by choosing one meal a week and cooking it with you too? Also, bake together and make healthier biscuits and treats which contain fruit, nuts, oats and seeds. Maybe some frozen yoghurts if you check the sugar content?

I agree that she might be hungry. Lots of tween girls have massive growth spurts just before, or during, puberty and their hormones can affect their appetites and cravings. And they can be very particular about what they eat. Is she eating a wide variety of food otherwise? Is she getting enough minerals and vitamins?

I would also try and educate her about healthy eating and explain why you should not have lots of sugar circulating in your blood:

www.nhs.uk/healthier-families/food-facts/sugar#rdas www.nhs.uk/healthier-families/food-facts/sugar/#rdas]]]]

Also make sure her day is filled up with lots of activities to keep her mind off food and keep her active and busy, so she doesn't eat out of boredom, and check she doesn't have any emotional issues that she is dealing with by eating. Keep the pressure off and don't start monitoring her every mouthful or make meals in to negative experiences. Better to keep everything light and fun and just don't buy as many snacks or replace them with fresh fruit.

My DC is like your daughter.

She focuses entirely on sweet food, snacks, crackers and carbs. Rarely eats protein or actual meals. I always thought she was a 'fussy' eater but can see she is gaining weight. A trip to the cinema is all about what we will eat while we're there.

I can't buy boxes of ice creams for the freezer as she will eat them all of them within two days.

Recently she has started asking if she is 'fat'. When I asked her why, she said her stomach sticks out a little.

Reading this with interest.

This is a very tough area. Noone wants to fat shame but the processed food thing is very hard to avoid. I echo those who really encourage sports and physical activity. My DD is no star athlete but does a lot and her peers and she generally eat well. Good balance of protein and fruit/vege and not a huge amount of carbs. They do have treats but not a lot. And she bakes for herself - often healthy version of biscuits, Less screens. And less processed food available in the house.

Yes, she does a lot of sports and she walks to school and home every day which is about 2.5k each way. She's very active.

And we do eat proper meals together as a family.

This thread has been helpful. It's good to know she's not unusual in her particular focus on sweet foods, and I will continue to buy healthy foods, and talk to her honestly about blood sugars, and fair shares!

Thanks all.