Just because I'm a WOHM doesn't mean I don't want to do things with my toddler

[Twinklemegan]

So why oh why is every bloody group or activity during working hours? And why was the only lunchtime event I could find (a parent and toddler music group) cancelled due to lack of interest? Now DH has to take him to the morning session unless I take the next ten weeks of Tues am off work. Which is fine, but it rather defeats the object.

I didn't want to post in AIBU but, well, AIBU?

Twinkle - i so know where you are coming from.

I went swimming with DD today and bumped into someone who I used to do Water Babies with (half term free for all), and she was there with several people she goes to water babies with (I dont go anymore, work commitments) and they meet regularly. I felt a bit sad.

I find my local NCT tea group good for seeing my DS with other toddlers, do they have 2nd baby plus or Sat groups round your way?

Pavlov, bet the ladees at the gp think your DH is cute too. Which I am sure is true! But OMG nursery rhymes!!!!!!! All about the plague etc, so depressing if you think about them!

sorry if my last post was in anyway flippant Twinkle - I totally understand your desire to do stuff with your toddler.

Have you got a local kids' library? They sometimes do stuff on Saturdays. Our local one occasionally does, although it's often aimed at dads. Ditto SureStart stuff, if you're in a surestart area.

If you want to hang out with other mums then you've just got to be brave. Approach them at any opportunity! cafes, libraries, play centres etc. I've swapped numbers with people at the drop of a hat if I've liked the look of them, it's always fun to meet up with new mums and their kids.

pistachio - in some places being a SAHD its difficult to fit in. DH fits in well, because he just does not give a damn what others think, he is not fussed about being a bit different, however, other men might feel intimidated, they can be quite intimidating¬

(he is not the only male actually, one other, my friends hubby, once in a while, but with his wife)

I will continue to do so Pistachio . The point about the groups being mostly to fill time for SAHMs is a good one though, as that's the impression DH has always had. Our local toddler group for example, before we moved, consisted mostly of cliquey mums sitting and drinking tea while their unsupervised brats kids ran riot.

Agree harpomax I have swopped nos. in Clarks for example.

we have a few SAHds where i live, Twinkle. I've often thought it must be hard for them.

But if you can get him to keep going regularly to an activity I'm sure he could chat to someone eventually.

I would have gone crazy without some kind of group activity before my dd went to nursery.

It's very, erm, traditional where I live (Highlands). The health visitor seems most concerned about DH being a SAHD and seems to think he needs supervising by other mothers .

hey, b1977, I've swapped numbers in Next - we were discussing shoes though!

Lol at HV's concern Twinkle!

poor bloke!

Twinkle - joking aside, I think as A WOHM you do have a different perspective on things. I bet you like to spend time with your kids on holiday as well? Wheras as a SAHM of (until recently) preschoolers, I wouldn't have dreamt of going on holiday somewhere without childcare, as otherwise it would just be a job relocation. It's not that we (SAHM's) assume you don't have an interest in stuff because you work, we assume that you are doing it under sufference because often we are. When I go to soft play I don't want to watch my kids interact - I want them to go off and do it without bothering me so I can actually drink a coffee without interruption

I hate to seem as if I'm encouraging segregation, but are there any other mothers that work near you who would be interested in meeting at weekends?

Twinkle - you are not only not close to me, but completely the other end of the country! I am in Devon

Yes and no actually Prufrock. The problem with being a WOHM is that yes, I really want to spend time with DS when I'm off work. BUT I'd also like to do other stuff when I'm off work. But my time at home is DH's holiday, so in effect I don't really get any "me" time at all. Does that make sense? Bad mummy alert . I'm sure it's just the same for SAHMs.

HVs in my experience can off just feck off. Am sure your DH is ace. Hard for him though as I assume not many other SAHDs in the area, does he have any other erm "normal" local friends, cos then maybe you need to give him a freedom pass down the pub every now and again to keep up with them? It's a bit frustrating though as presumably he would rather be doing family things.

often just feck off. Sorry.

do you work with other mums with children same age as yours?

Twinkle - you are not a bad mummy That me time is very commn I think.
DH and I often cross hours at work, and it means lie ins are scarce and when there is a day when both of us are at home together, we both feel deserving of the lie in, cooking dinner is similar too, cleaning (but I have been at work, I have too/been with DD), neither of us are wrong, both been working hard (we both work, I work longer hours than DH)

We don't really have any friends at all B as we're very new to the area. It's a rather "close-knit" community shall we say, which means as newcomers we'll take a while to fit in. I think in time we will though, and I love the place so don't want to sound like I'm moaning because I'm not. DH does get time off though and tends to go walking etc.

Anyhoo, thanks everyone and nice to chat. This is why I love MN because I do get to chat to other mums, albeit remotely. I will take on board your comments, and I'll try to be more proactive.

Maybe you could start your own local weekend family ramblers group? Short rambles involving picnic areas? Stick a note in the newsagent, local family mag if there is one?

dO YOU WOrk full time? If so, when exactly do you want to do these activities? Weekends?

Most of these events are held for the parents and it sounds like you want to be able to socialise with other mums. However, you have chosen the world of work so this is difficult.

Twinkle, I know exactly what you're saying. Lunchtime stuff wouldn't work for me, as work is too far from home and CM, although my travelling time is pretty short for London - 35 mins door to door. But I'd love there to be more weekend stuff.

Also, I think my ds is actually more of an age/stage of development now to be interested in playing with other babies and doing various activities than he was. I went back to work at the beginning of March when he was 10 months old - we've done swimming and baby singing things etc as well as more general baby drop ins, and I think he enjoyed going out but he'd get more out of it over the next few months. I guess that's where those who go back part time have an advantage.

I've swapped contact details with a few people I met when I was on maternity leave, and have arranged to meet up with a couple more online who are in a similar situation though with slightly older dcs.

We seem to have more going on at the weekends over the next few weeks or so than I thought, actually.

How old is your child and when did you return to work?

Also, have you tried your own Mumsnet local or other local area things, where maybe you could put out feelers to look for people who want to do activities with kids or meet up with other parents at the weekend?

Now there's a misunderstanding. I haven't "chosen" the "world of work". I have to work to earn the family living, because DH's job involved working away on short term, unstable contracts, which was never going to work. By being in the "world of work" I'd rather not be excluded from the "world of parents", that's all. And yes, it would be nice to have something to take DS to on a weekend. I know we can make our own fun etc., but my reasoning is as I have said earlier in the thread.