If your 5 year old had major meltdowns...

[MissRabbit00]

...did it get better? What kind of teenager/adult have they become?

Our 5 year old is at the end of reception year, he's generally well behaved, gets glowing reports from school etc, but his meltdowns/tantrums at home are currently off the scale and i'm struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Last year my then just 5 year old could still have awful tantrums which started around age 3. (Really laid back till then!)

We were really walking on egg shells for a long time. So much worse when tired.

This year he's mellowed a lot and I can set more boundaries/ reason. He can get upset but not out of control.

He's currently going through a sleep issue though; nightmares started a couple of days after tuning six and he wouldn't go to sleep on his own

2 months later seem to be getting better but bedtimes are tough getting him into bed and off to sleep.

Both the kids are exhausted though and very volatile (other one is y6.) I sometimes think they're excited about the holidays as well as exhausted, plus nervous about the next school year.

They get very tired at that age after school

I would just sort or leave them to it and leave the room and hide in loo or my bedroom

DS's toddler sister is also very much a voice of reason for him! She often fetches his fave teddy when he's screaming crying! She also never tantrums.

I think the advice that a previous poster gave about looking parenting recommendations for ND kids is good. I never really thought of that.

We have suffered hard with the 'after school restraint collapse' this year. He's in after school club twice a week and i think he struggles with that and watching most of his class mates mums picking them up at 3.

My dd struggled massively at age 5yo, she is ND but she did settle a lot more between 7-11yo.

I won't lie the teen years have been up and down but covid and lockdown massively impacted her.

She's 18 now and lovely ☺️

Thank you! Any tips on working outside of the moment? We’ve done loads and loads of books as he loves to read, but he’s so sheepish to engage with any meaningful discussion. He hates anything that even resembles a serious chat/being told off.

Almost a year on from starting this thread, I have just re read through the responses. DS is now 6 and the situation is no better. In fact it is probably worse.

Pure rage and huge melt downs over the tiniest of things. Constantly blames his (extremely well behaved) sibling for everything. Also is obsessed with everything being ‘fair’ for him or constantly trying to gain one-upmanship.

We are exhausted, physically and mentally.

Oh jeez @MissRabbit00 I’m sorry - that sounds brutal. Have you spoken to school about it? I’d reach out and ask for help from school, gp/hv.

At the moment school hasn’t mentioned anything as he’s generally okay there. But I have already had to speak to them about difficulty with getting him to engage with homework etc (it just causes HUGE meltdowns). It’s probably worth speaking to them again though.

I came here to comment that my son is like this and has been diagnosed with autism recently at just turned 5. I know you said before that meltdowns were the only sign but a strong sense of justice is another and possible equalising behaviour.
I think your senco said before not autism but they aren't diagnosticians and shouldn't gatekeep. I would go to the gp to look at options if school aren't progressing things.

Sorry to read your update @MissRabbit00 😟my DS is now 6 too, he is thankfully much easier to manage emotionally. I still suspect ND but we have come on leaps and bounds with his anger, and I think a big thing for us was coregulation. I just didn’t know what to do there at all beforehand, I think I’m ND myself as is DH and it just wasn’t something we’d ever considered (elder DC not prone to such big meltdowns).

It sounds like your poor DS is definitely masking in school. Have you looked into PDA parenting techniques?