If your 5 year old had major meltdowns...

[MissRabbit00]

...did it get better? What kind of teenager/adult have they become?

Our 5 year old is at the end of reception year, he's generally well behaved, gets glowing reports from school etc, but his meltdowns/tantrums at home are currently off the scale and i'm struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

What does he do after school? What are the meltdowns over? More info needed I think

Following! Although my DS can have big strops on the playground at school too.

Mine has autism, masks at school. Can still have epic meltdowns if not carefully handled - aged 7.

Have you considered yours might be neurodivergent or struggling at school in some way- hence melting down when safe at home?

Everything and nothing. Today it was because he didn't know what to draw on his paper (it was his choice to draw), or it could be over whats for tea, who is doing his bedtime etc

All these can result in screaming fits lay on the floor. Weekdays and weekends

To be honest though i'm reading all the books, listening to all the podcasts etc so I'm not really looking for advice on how to deal with him (we're already putting advice into practice), I more just want to hear from those that have gone through it and come out of the other side. Hoping really that someones going to tell me it all turns out all right in the end

DD1 was unmanageable once she started P1. I lasted 7 weeks before having a breakdown. She was diagnosed autistic just before P2.

Following, hello to others in the same boat 🙈

Terrible meltdowns both at school and home. Later diagnosed with ASD. Now a lovely 12 year old and model pupil. Hope that gives you some hope.

Amazing, highly qualified, high earning beautiful kind caring adult - had major tantrums age 5-6. The terrible twos hit late!

Loads of NT kids have quite extreme emotional responses for quite a long time.

You say you are reading the books so that should be helpful. Hopefully you are not making too much of it, at only five they are still very young. Sometimes parents with high expectations around self-control inadvertently escalate things.

Some people just are more up and down than others, but everyone matures and that makes it easier to understand emotions. Teen years can be hard, but a calm young child can be a volatile teen and vice versa, so you can't really extrapolate.

My DD - now 8 has big emotions. Always has. The first year of school was rough - meltdowns for months and months after pickup. I started to consider whether she might have ASD as pp have mentioned. In her case school was just a massive transition and she was working so hard to behave and keep it all in during the school day that it call came spilling out when she left.

Most of my friends said it would be over in a few weeks, but for us it took a lot longer. And wasn’t linear. But, she’s now 3 years in and loves it. Has meltdowns like all kids her age, but it did pass within the first year.

Its definitely crossed my mind, but the meltdowns are literally the only sign he shows. And we seem to have phases of them. This one just seems to be particularly long/bad.

No advice but in the same boat so watching with interest.

My son is nearly 6 and today his toddler sister walked up to him, put her hand on his shoulder and said 'it's ok, take big breaths'.

When a toddler sees the behaviour as OTT that's when you know you've got it tough!

End of the school year is an exhausting time, they really can struggle.

They go through a lot, really, I'm not surprised some of them just get overwhelmed. That's before being ND or any serious changes are thrown into the mix!

Mine was off the scale at that age too, between about 4 and 6 was awful at home (angel at school). I have to say, he’s eased off a lot and is now nearly 9 but is hard work in different ways. He is now diagnosed with ASD. The meltdowns eased off from age 7 but he can still get very distressed and needs a fair amount of support with emotional regulation, perhaps more than is typical for a child that age.

I think a lot of kids that age are off the scale at the moment as it’s the end of term and they’re tired. But I would have a look at recommendations for parenting ND kids as it won’t harm him in the slightest if he’s not ND but it might head off some of the meltdowns if you can identify likely triggers.

It sounds as though choices are a trigger, perhaps?

Any tips on helping the child to regulate their emotions, whether ND or NT? I’ve read a lot of books/podcasts but there’s not much that gives suggestions what to do in the moment itself. My DS doesn’t have really super long meltdowns but his anger is HUGE.

Another in the same boat here. However my DS has started having his meltdowns at the after school club. He is a showing some traits of autism but SENCO said not enough to get a diagnosis. Thankfully she is also his teacher so has given some advice to the afterschool club this week and it did help on Friday. I think we have to also remember that they are at the end of term and shattered. I know that my secondary students are ready for a break so it must be a challenge for a reception child.

I don't think there's much you can do in the actual moment, other than make sure they can't hurt others/themselves and let them know you're there when they're done.

The working on regulating can only be done when they're calm enough to take it in, I think.

Best advice is to sit on the floor and just be there. You can't stop it once it is happening.

My Explosive wee man is now a wonderful adult and excellent human with surprisingly good temper control. He was tricky for years. Listening, talking, avoiding triggers and not getting caught up in punishments. Firm boundaries at other times and endless modelling of being kind and thoughtful. The more kindness that goes in the more that comes back.

Sympathy OP! My DS had frequent tantrums at 2-4 years but given his age I still held out that it was developmental and would pass with maturity. These eventually became ‘ meltdowns’ as he got older - huge over reactions in a disproportionate way.. unable to calm himself down despite wanting to and telling me he was sorry later. Eventually diagnosed with ( inattentive type) ADHD aged 7. No hyperactivity or impulsiveness with behaviour so I had dismissed the idea for a long time but really struggles to regulate his emotions, very sensitive and highly strung reactive to loud busy environments and had days in class when he couldent concentrate at all and became frustrated and overwhelmed. Wonderful ,bright, sociable, witty and very empathetic little boy! Looking back the epic tantrums and meltdowns were obv ND x

This! My daughter was always a handful but her after school tantrums were something else, she did get ‘better’ through her primary years in that it didn’t happen every day. She was referred for asd assessment earlier this year once she started high school and she couldn’t mask as well at school and really struggled with the transition.
you and home are a safe space so it’s worth asking although if he’s masking at school it’s worth observing his general behaviours and judging yourself if it’s just a school issue or if it’s a general issue.

Same experience. My DS9 has been diagnosed with ASD.

Meltdowns slowly improved but honestly are still frequent now.

Off the scale meltdowns at 5 needs further investigation and you should request support from school even if there are no problems at school.

My son is a model student/most able child at school.

Before they can learn to self-regulate they need to co-regulate. So (easier said than done) you meet their explosions with calmness - I've heard it phrased as be their calm in the storm.

Don't ask questions ("what's the matter" "can you use your words" etc)

Provide sensory regulating input as they prefer, some children want to be left totally alone and some want deep hugs or crash mats.

When they are calm and not during the moment, talk about emotional regulation. I've said to DC it's like learning to read or learning to play football - some children find it really easy and it comes naturally and some find it really hard and they fall over their own feet a hundred times before they kick the ball. There's no shame in being one who finds it hard.

Watch Inside Out together and use the names of the characters to talk about what they are experiencing.

Try visuals such as the zones of regulation. And try a visual timetable even for the most verbal children if they are having meltdowns over transitions.

And promise yourself a huge cup of your favourite tea / bar of chocolate / glass of wine / your treat of choice at the end of the day when you've both got through it.

@MissRabbit00 mine was diagnosed with ASD at nursery and the meltdowns in reception year were EPIC. It gets much, much better. And the end of the year when they're exhausted and the routines are all disrupted is the worst time for it, especially with the pressure for the changes to be "fun" like non uniform day and sports day and school disco and goodness knows what else.