Step father to my children swears at them when I’m not around

[AnonymouslySad]

So I’m in complete despair and beyond fuming. I am married to the step father of my two children. Whenever we argue he blames the kids for the argument and when I leave the room he says things to them that quite frankly I’m appalled by. Today for instance, my son who is 10 years old, was starving after breakfast and went to get some cereal. Husband then tells child that’s his last bowl. I then interrupted and said he’s really hungry and I didn’t see why he couldn’t have more cereal as I think my son is going through a growth spurt. Husband then says ‘I knew you would pipe in’.

I then walked away and he told my children that they were f babies and that he was going to get them sweets from the shop but they could f*** do one! My children are 8 and 10 and I think this is unacceptable. He then shouts at them if they tell me what has been said once I’ve left the room. I’ve confronted him and he’s not denied it and is blaming the kids. This is not the first time this has happened. Am I being over sensitive or should I walk away for the sanity of my children?

Your children will not thank you later in life for forcing this life on them. Show them it’s not acceptable by leaving. It really will damage them. They didn’t choose to live with this man, you did.

You will all feel better away from this. It can’t be nice for you or them.

I think the op is on a wind up mission.
One post. Doesn’t acknowledge any replies.

Is op not able to just ask for responses and read through them quietly when she has time? Why do you need to demand a response of her?

Lavender14 · Today 13:19
GrazingSheep · Yesterday 22:10
I think the op is on a wind up mission.
One post. Doesn’t acknowledge any replies.
Edited
Is op not able to just ask for responses and read through them quietly when she has time? Why do you need to demand a response of her?

Because all too frequently we have 'wind them up and watch them go' posts. Outrageous and designed to bring about the collective wrath of Mumsnet.
Which in this case would be preferable to a poster not liking the answers and continuing to throw her kids under the bus.

I understand that, but equally if you start accusing posters who don't reply fast enough of that then what you also run the risk of is alienating a woman in a potentially vulnerable situation. To me there are better ways to encourage a poster to engage more with the responses than accusing her of baiting. Especially in the case of dv where women are often afraid people won't believe them.

You need to ask?
Of course you leave a man who is verbally abusive and aggressive to your children.

I total agree, what an horrible stepfather? He will scar your kids for life, you need to let him go... your kids come first you have to protect them they only have you. So sorry it's very upsetting I can imagine someone you love and trust to be cruel to kids

There was a thread removed earlier this week, posted by someone who said social services would remove her baby at birth; she said she would rather give birth at home with her boyfriend rather than in hospital.. she got many supportive replies and others that advised there would be police involvement.
That was a troll.
It's becoming very difficult to distinguish who is a troll and who isn't.

@AnonymouslySad - this piece of shit is abusing your children. Get rid of him.

I'm shocked you need to ask.

I'm really sorry you've got this to deal with, I understand it is a lot to face up to - but this man is bullying your children and you know you need to leave him.

Please choose the future happiness and security of your children and separate quickly

There is a man abusing your children in their own home and you have to ask what to do next?

That's why we're told to report to check, if we're not sure. Some slip through the net but most of them get caught.

Home is supposed to be their safe space. Your home is not safe. Fix it.

I understand that, but equally if you start accusing posters who don't reply fast enough of that then what you also run the risk of is alienating a woman in a potentially vulnerable situation. To me there are better ways to encourage a poster to engage more with the responses than accusing her of baiting. Especially in the case of dv where women are often afraid people won't believe them.

She,if this is real, is not the victim. Not vulnerable. Her children are. She has given no indication of DV, and even if she were afraid of him, and nothing points to that, she still needs to step up, because her children cannot .
It's not a matter of engaging more, it's a matter of not replying at all.

It will only get worse - get rid of the pathetic excuse of a man

this - 100%!!!!

God this is awful, this is abuse and will only get worse. He sounds very spiteful and nasty (and will only get worse as they get older), put your kids first why are you with him? He's a bully and he's been unmasked. You need to leave

You're tip toeing round him letting him treat your kids like shit. Grow a backbone and stick up for them and boot his abusive arse out! Jesus op

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

fortunately I don't think any children are being harmed.

Please don’t have this man around your kids any longer. They will grow up and be like those poor children that will say their mum turned a blind eye and chose to stay with a man that abused them 😢 it could mess up their future, their future relationships and how they treat their children.

How are they not being harmed?? It is psychological abuse.

Stop thinking of him as the step father to your children. He's a guy you married who's horrible to your children. Please don't him first. Children never ever forget being spoken to like that, but nor will they forget you kicking him out due to his disgusting behaviour.

What's wrong with you? Get them away from this man immediately.

Why would you stay in the relationship when he treats your children like this? Who comes first: him or them?