Autism enquiry

[Vittoria123]

My daughter is 17 months and I have been suspecting autism for a while now . This are the things she can do :
she can walk independently since 12 months
she has 50 words , plus can link two sentences together
3 ) sleeps through the night since 14 months
she can point , wave and clap
4 ) smiles at us and people
does pretend play and kick a ball
7 ) she responds to her name if not doing other things, like watching tv or making silly face in front of the mirror . Is it normal ??
8 ) she can follow our point
9 ) she follows simple commands: like “ go and get teddy or “stop “ when I tell her to .
no tantrums or if they occurs they last less than a 1 minute
loves animals and but not good with other kids . She look at kids and people and then run away .

plays appropriately with toys
can point at body parts

things she can’t do
can’t climb down the stairs but can go up alone with her feet ( if I try and teach to go down she cries )
she goes stiff when excited and comes out of the bath
not a brilliant feeder ( gag on lumpy food like mashed potatoes, rice and noddles )
she crosses her fingers when tired
she can’t throw a ball or stack up wooden cubes . But can scribble and turn book pages and use a fork .
BIGGEST ONE :
tip toes 50% of the time she learned at 12 months and since the last couple of months she has been tiptoeing when barefoot

I tried to speak to the GP , health visitor till I was blue in the face ( the HV came to see her and said no concerns at all ) , I went private for a ped and nothing .

any advice would be massively appreciated

You have spoken to a wide range of health care professionals, two of which are specialists in child development.

They are not concerned. Listen to them.

Nothing you have listed is outside the realms of normal for a child.

Just enjoy the child you have, whatever their needs and difficulties might be as they grow and develop. Stop looking for issues.

Honestly apart from the tiptoeing she sounds like a very normal little girl. Nothing on that list seems to point to neurodivergence to me. I am definitely not any kind of expert but just wanted to say that. It's so easy to worry.

I'd push for some attention on the tiptoeing though.
Best of luck OP.

Stop worrying. Why exactly are you concerned about autism? Because it is currently in the media or because there is a family history? Autism is massively genetic so if there are no other people in your immediate or extended family that show traits then I'd worry even less.

Watch and wait until she is 5, everything you mention is perfectly age appropriate, most autistic traits are age appropriate until they continue past that age. If at 5 she has struggled with the transition to school and still continues those behaviours then follow it up.

DD was quirky, I suspected autism from an early age due to several family members having very clear traits. She managed absolutely fine up to Secondary school when I got her assessed, like many girls she thrived at Primary and I don't think there's anything she would have needed in place there.

Following as i have a family member that shows very similar behaviours (crossing fingers, going stiff when excited)
However they are older and don't do half the stuff your DD does.

@Vittoria123 You have started/ bumped 24 old threads on tots and possible autism over the last two days or so - that is an awful lot for someone who has a child that appears to be developing brilliantly and demonstrating very few autistic traits.

I mention this, not as a "gotcha" but, are you generally anxious. Why are you so concerned?

You haven't described any massively challenging behaviours, have said there is no autism in your family. What has sparked this interest, surely it isn't just because of a bit of tip toe walking and not liking the texture of a couple of foods which is totally normal particularly for her age.

Chill.

It's possible there's a bit of a sensory issue where she doesn't like the feel of certain floor coverings on her feet or the texture of some foods but you are way over thinking it.

Hi
yes mainly is the tip toeing and the fact that she doesn’t seem to respond to her name when playing etc . The reason why I am trying so hard is that I want to get her the best help as possible and being a FTM I wouldn’t know where to start

This.

I have tiptoed since learning to walk and it is nothing to do with autism for me. It's the way the ligaments in my leg are. I have short tendons in my lower leg so being on tiptoes or in high heels is so much more comfortable
You would want a referral to physio or podiatry to make sure there is nothing physical causing the tiptoeing. I can physically put my foot flat so they didn't do anything. My sister has the same but she rolled her foot to compensate and it has damaged her joints as a result.

Really a physical cause is much more likely and warrants investigation first

Have her hearing checked if you’re worried about her responding to her name, but your child is very young still. Much older NT children also have selective hearing when they’d prefer to ignore the person talking to them. Children who show many symptoms of autism are unlikely to be diagnosed as young as your dd is because so many of the behaviours are normal when they’re still so little.

Stop worrying about something that doesn’t exist and enjoy your lovely child.

My DS has autism. He never walked on tiptoes. He was a very chatty toddler who met all of his developmental milestones.
Try to stop worrying. Your daughter - from your description is developing normally.
Even if your daughter is later found to have autism she will be exactly the same daughter you had before.
Is it your mum instinct that there is something - not wrong but going on?
Your daughter is very young. Enjoy time with her, keep a gentle eye on her. What @Superscientist says is a good suggestion

Merely tip toeing and not recognising her name at 17 months would not be sufficient in getting a diagnosis or even to be put forward for assessment. It's just as likely to be a normal development stage or a physical problem with ear or legs.

You need to:

Watch and wait until she is at least 5 if she is not showing any significantly concerning challenging behaviour or additional learning needs.

Write down anything you are concerned about and the date, if she does need an assessment in future you need to go right back to conception for the development history section which is tricky to remember if they are in their teens.

Start saving, if you do need to go for assessment as she gets older it's around £2.3k to go private or several years waiting on NHS if you meet the requirements.

Enjoy the child you have, autism or no autism they are still fantastic.

Getting a diagnosis doesn't wave a magic wand and give you access to support if your child is low support needs.

Most methods for parenting autistic children work brilliantly for all children so do that it's mostly about being mindful and calm - routine, structure, clear instructions, low demand (don't order but make things a game like Mary Poppins), awareness of sensory overload or underload, factoring in plenty of downtime, knowing when to keep your own mouth shut instead of adding to the chaos they are feeling.

None of that screams autism. I think you're jumping the gun way to early.

Focus on what she can do, the rest will follow.

I really don’t think you need to worry.

You seem particularly worried about the name thing. You say if she’s playing she doesn’t respond. As a comparison, my autistic son was 3 before he responded to his name at all, in any situation. It is totally normal for her to get engrossed in something.

She’s also really young, and the few things you’ve named can be absolutely normal developmental stages. Just wait a couple of years and see how she develops. Frankly in 2 years you’ll still struggle to get professionals interested unless she has very strong traits.

My neice has severe developmental disorder. She never walked on her toes.

To be honest from what you have written, not thinking anything other than normal development. I have an autistic dd, first words were between 2&3 and nothing put together until just shy of 4, appalling sleep, no smiling, no pointing ... you have seen a professional who isn't concerned. Autism is very hard to diagnose in under 5's unless quite profound, we were very much the lucky ones as it was thought my dd was profoundly autistic but surpassed all expectations. For context at your Dc's age all she did was sleep and scream

Thank you so much for your words .. tbh I analyse her every single day and it makes us both exhausted. I know I would love her but my fear is what the world will do to her or how will she cope . I am a first time mum and not sure why to think . She has little quirks like when tired ( she only has 1 nap from 10 to 11.30 and then carry on till 7 ) she closes and open her eyes . She paces a little bit always when tired and it seems that pacing is a common symptom . Sorry if I have come across as an unloving mother but I am honestly worried about it .

You sound extremely anxious and this appears to be transferred onto your child 'analyse her every day'

This is not healthy for you and it is harmful for her.

Please get help from your GP for your anxiety.

Hey 👋 i have an autistic little brother, an autistic nephew and 2 autistic children myself, your little girl sounds perfectly normal, my little girl (not autistic) still walks on her tiptoes at 9 sometimes, its just how she likes to walk 🤷🏻‍♀️ my oldest son (not autistic) used to twirl his hair around his finger and pull his hair when he was tired… all kids have quirks but doesn’t mean they are autistic 👍🏻 (i have 5 kids, 2 autistic, 2 ‘normal’ and one 6month old so remains to be seen haha) xx

Thank you so much for your words .. tbh I analyse her every single day and it makes us both exhausted. I know I would love her but my fear is what the world will do to her or how will she cope . I am a first time mum and not sure why to think . She has little quirks like when tired ( she only has 1 nap from 10 to 11.30 and then carry on till 7 ) she closes and open her eyes . She paces a little bit always when tired and it seems that pacing is a common symptom . Sorry if I have come across as an unloving mother but I am honestly worried about it

Sorry if I have come across as an unloving mother but I am honestly worried about it

No-one thinks you are 'unloving', but seriously, you saying I analyse her every single day and it makes us both exhausted. is quite worrying. You need to talk to your GP or HV about your anxiety.

She is so young and you are missing what should be such a lovely time with her, with this fretting.
Where I live, you cannot even refer a child who has the most significant and obvious signs of Autism until they are 36months old - more than twice your little one's age, and I am talking about children without any of those skills you listed - you really do need to get some support with just playing with her and relaxing, rather than the rather worrying "analysing" you say you are doing.

I've spent 23 years teaching in a specialist school for children with autism and associated conditions.

Listen to the health professionals you've already approached.

Walking in tiptoes is a sensory mechanism, much the same as some children liking the feel of certain textures.
Yes, it is present in some children with autism but it's not a case of "she walks on tiptoes, she must have Autism".

I have autistic dc and I wouldn't be concerned at this stage about your dd except for you - are you getting out to play groups, activities, does dd go to nursery etc?

It was nursery that first mentioned to us that dd was less physically able than other dc.

I feel you could perhaps do with a bit more normal social interaction for you and your dd and not medical help?

I spent years worrying about mine (many more things that were concerning) and it still took years to get diagnosed and honestly, even if you're right, eventually, what do you think will change? The challenge is still to help and support them develop and interact.

You would be better off given that you've consulted all the professionals to invest in quality early childcare and age appropriate new experiences, all the normal things.

You don’t get any help anyway post diagnosis just becuase of autism it will only be if there is a specific other issue, eg. Salt if they are not saying words.

True, although my little boy is non-verbal, and we don’t have SALT, we had SALT when he was little and going through the diagnosis but after that, apart from one occupational therapy session we’ve had nothing in the way of professional help with him nor my daughter xx

I'm a mum of two neuro diverse kids who are both adults now. As many people have said, there's very little you have described that suggests autism and she's way too young to be assessed yet. Stay watchful but try not to fixate on anything and encourage her to learn at her pace. If something distresses her, like going down stairs, let her find her own system.

The more important thing I feel, is that being a first time mum, you are feeling a bit overwhelmed and trying to do the best for your child. There's a lot of competition between parents who have kids a similar age and it's easy for your brain to latch on to the things that other kids do, that yours don't. Its a bit of a myth that there's a perfect way to parent a child and it's tempting to judge your child against this "perfect child" you are imagining. However they do develop at different rates and find some things more difficult to learn but in general, by the time they are ready for school most kids are at a similar level.

There are other reasons for developmental delays, other than autism and if you are still concerned when they are preschool aged, then definitely follow it up. Just getting a diagnosis is the minor part of having a child who needs more help and if there is a problem, you will need to advocate for them and make the changes at home first. The diagnosis is more to explain to the world how she should be treated and supported. It won't automatically make her life better or necessarily get her assistance. We had already put in place systems and adapted our behaviours, long before. The things were different for each child and we went through different ideas until we found what worked best for them and us as a family. I needed to know what each needed from school, to improve how they were learning and explain what they were struggling with and why. Even so called teachers who knew about autism, don't know how it affects your child as they are an individual.

Ultimately they just need care, love and encouragement, whatever their needs, whether autistic or not. So focus on that and let her grow up a bit before stressing about the next step. The fact you are concerned shows that you are a good mum and you will do the best for her. So relax, you've got this!

Ps Forgot to say, pacing while talking is actually a good thing. There's studies done that prove that it helps them to think better about what they want to say. It helps to access both sides of the brain. Some people do it all their lives. My dad who's in his eighties does it still. Especially if he has something important to think about or discuss. 😊