Birthday present etiquette for 7 yo present - HELP!

[SurreyCoconuts]

Is it ok to arrange a collective for cash donations for my 7 yo birthday present? I dont want to sound ungrateful but we had a lot of duplicate gifts last year, we are looking to move house and need to keep the place as tidy as possible and my son is after a few high value items. Initial feedback from a mum has been yes happy to club up together. Thinking of using the Collective platform so parents dont get informed how much they each put in. Is this socially acceptable or am I about to commit parenting protocol suicide?! PS we are putting on an expensive party for the 15-20 attending - costing £15/head.

I can't comment on what schools mums would say - as my son is only little BUT... I hate buying gifts for people in general, not because I'm mean - I just find it really difficult and stressful, especially for someone else's child who I don't actually know, so this would really appeal to me! I'd prefer to donate money than drag my son around a shop looking for something!

That's what dd2 did - some guests still bought presents or gave cash - but at least they were saved from having to find room for 70 plus present! Dd1 tried something similar but her dh's family took notice and a couple of years down the line they still have a spare room full of wedding presents with no where to go!

I’d be appalled if a parent asked me to do this. How grabby and materialistic.

Very normal to suggest a fiver in card where we are...almost universal for parties in all the local schools at this stage.

I actually wouldn't mind this! I do generally ask the parent if there's a particular present they'd like or if they'd prefer money to put towards something bigger gift though

If I was asked this I would be very annoyed, I would buy gifts when I saw good deals and budget so didn't necessarily buy for parties just before. Also seems grabby and ungrateful

My daughter is just starting out with parties- 3 almost 4... but we are putting cash in cards so kids can choose presents- seriously i have no head space to buy presents for people I have never met (nursery or playgroup and hubby stays at home)....

I can see it makes practical sense but I would find it a bit yuck. Better to ask for no gifts because moving house etc (and then people might give cash or a voucher anyway).

I wouldn’t, seems weirdly cold and grabby. Like, the whole thing is transactional “we have shelled out for a party, give us some compensation”. Actual gift giving involves the human side of thinking about what a child might like and then the birthday child feeling excited about opening it, thinking of the person who gave it to them etc. I know it doesn’t always work brilliantly in reality but it seems cold to just cut out all that and make it about money.

We tend to say no presents please, sometimes people do put some cash in a card, but i’d never ask for it.

You're asking for advice OP and my advice is no you can't ask that of people

You just have to accept that you won't always get the gifts you want and be done with it

Most people regift unwanted gifts or have a stock of gifts they've bought in sales etc

Some parents will ask what your DC want and in that instance you can say what it is you want

Asking for cash though is awkward and completely embarrassing

So no don't do it

This is my thought too.

They are not your gifts to refuse. Every 7 year old I know loves opening little gifts from friends.
As an adult I would feel uncomfortable being asked for cash.
At most, I would write something like "small gifts only" on the invitation.

It would suit me as it would save me time looking for a gift and wrapping it, but it wouldn't go down well with everyone.

At our last party I had a couple of vouchers from parents who asked if we'd prefer them and to be honest I did and I really appreciated it. But I think it's for the other parents to offer. I'd never have asked.

This is incredibly rude imho.
Just say 'no gifts needed, we would just love [insert invited child's name]'s company at [insert your child's name]'s party'.

I think maybe it looks like this from a perspective of when we were young, just a few children maybe only 5 or so were invited to the house, each gave a small present etc. And we would have been to very few parties every year.
But the reality now of a minimum of 20 children coming to the party, 20 presents, each family potentially spending €20 or more on a present, all the excess of toys, packaging and waste etc...we are in Ireland but it is very much the norm for the request to be five euro in a card...the children love writing the cards putting the money in and then opening the cards and counting the money and it's a little tradition now to have the post party trip to the toy shop. If the class is very organised sometimes a parent does a collection and gives a joint gift card to a particular toy shop but usually it's just cash. It is very much the new culture where we live and it's also very common to have a joint party with others in the class to cut down on the numbers of parties each academic year and to allow the whole class to be invited. It does seem a bit less personal but overall when everyone is working and weekends are precious it is such a relief not to have to go to a party every weekend on top of activities and not to have to spend €25 on a present for every single one.
It is also the norm here to give cash for weddings and first communions these days.

I mean, I was talking from the experience of my own DC who have the same kind of “modern day” whole class/joint parties you’re talking about - one of the reasons we often say no presents, just come and have fun and make the day feel special. Great if swapping cash is the norm for you - agree it’s logical - but it’s the not the norm where I live and I think it’s a bit joyless if you do it where there isn’t the tradition/ritual that you describe. Maybe OP could be the pioneer of a new normal, but might need a thick skin for it.

Nobody does this around here, and although it makes sense I wouldn't want to be the first to do it! It just feels like getting a pile of dud gifts is part of the ritual when hosting a birthday party, and you get the real gifts you really want from your parents because they know what you actually want/already have.

I have a stash of gifts from online deals so for me it's easier to give those (and looks more generous as the value is usually much higher than I paid).

I'd be rather put out to be asked for money.

I get your thinking but I still don't like it.

And at 7 years old it's a huge deal to get presents and tear the paper open and find out what you've been given.

We asked for no gifts last party (kids were only 2 though so still didn't understand) and donations to a charity. Some people still bought gifts, others did donate. I don't think you can really expect people to donate money as some might not be in a position to. But others might be grateful for a straightforward present option

Yes for sure I can see that if no one else is doing it then it's not so much fun for the children..

You never know ..it's only taken off here in the last few years or so so might happen elsewhere!

Don't do this!

Asking for money is so tacky. Either have 'no presents' or accept all presents with kindness and good grace. A possible 3rd option is suggesting a donation to a charity of your choosing, but asking for financial donations is a no no. This whole post gave me the ick.

Asking for cash is rude. If gifts are given to your DS he should be taught how to say thank you politely.

DT’s went to lots of parties, a couple of times a year I would bulk buy suitable birthday presents.

I don't think this is a good idea at all no...it does seem grabby tbh. Also, surely part of the party and birthday experience for young children is the excitement of being given a present from their friends, saying thank you and opening the gifts later.

Rude, grabby and singles out those that might choose something that was reduced, only have £5 to spend etc. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to model appropriate gift giving etiquette to your DS either like you don’t show up to a party empty handed and you say thank you for whatever you receive. So I would just take the tat people buy with good grace and anything unsuitable can be a regift (obvs remember who it came from) or donated to the charity shop.