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Original poster

Parents of talkative children

45 replies

Othersideofthechannel · 11/04/2008 09:19

what do you do about their incessant talking when you don't have time to listen?

DS is 5 and has VERY talkative moments. At most times it is lovely to be able to have long conversations with him and know what is going on in his head.

But NOT when we are trying to get ready to go out to work/school. I try to treat my children with respect and to speak to them as I would like to be spoken to but can't seem to help interrupting him to say things like 'now is not the time for talking, put your shoes on, you can tell me in the car' and when I've said that a few times over it inevitably becomes a barked 'quiet, shoes!'

This morning we had a bit of spare time so I didn't interrupt just to see - it took him 20 minutes to put on two socks and one jumper! And then he was disappointed there was no time to 'play' before we went out.

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maidamess · 11/04/2008 09:25

I know how annoying this is! they always have the most urgent thing to say when you are running late and stressed and trying to get out of the door.

I don't think theres anything wrong with letting your child know there are approprite and inapproprite times for chatting.

At school for example, there are times when they will just have to get on with work, without having a chinwag with the person next to them.
It sounds like you have the right approach.

Perhaps you could call it 'listening time' when you are getting ready when he should be quiet in case you have to tell him anything!

nervousal · 11/04/2008 09:28

I'll admit that I just let my DD witter on and try to nod, say "really", "no" and "yes" at the appropriate moment.

HaventSleptForAYear · 11/04/2008 09:28

Hi there,
We have this problem with DS1 (apparantly I was/am the same ).

I feel really naggy at the moment because he is either chatting on or inventing some imaginary game with his socks (non-stop running commentary during...) and I have to keep reminding him to eat, get dressed, whatever and I'm finding it hard to stay patient.

What has helped slightly with the morning situation you describe is just to let it happen (as you did) and then the following day remind him (about 50 times if he's anything like my DS) about yesterday and how he had no time to play. He's 5 - he should pick it up earlier than my 3 yr old ! fingers crossed.

Sorry - hope others have more input

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throckenholt · 11/04/2008 09:30

I have another one like that - and I have to admit to not coping well and I have been known to tell him to be quiet.

If there is an answer I would like to know what it is too.

Original poster
Othersideofthechannel · 11/04/2008 09:31

Nervousal, can your multi-task? Witter on and put her socks on at the same time.
It's not the talking that's the problem, it's the not getting ready at the same time.

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avenanap · 11/04/2008 09:31

I do the same as nervousal. He does know that I'm not very interested in Lego but he's trying to convert me and has a lot to say. I just look at him, nod, say "yes", "wow", "that's great" etc. He's 9 now and still at it.

AbbeyA · 11/04/2008 09:32

I think that it is a lovely problem to have! My eldest DS was like that and followed me from room to room chatting all the time. It can be wearing but ever so much better than a DC who doesn't communicate!

cmotdibbler · 11/04/2008 09:33

How about setting a timer for him to get dressed 'lets see whether you can get dressed by the time it rings', with the statement that then there will be x minutes to play/talk before school.

Mines still little enough that he is dressed - but has a constant verbal stream, so I see my future here !

nervousal · 11/04/2008 09:37

I'm a woman! Of course I can multitask! - DD sometimes has problems with it - but she'll learn!

Original poster
Othersideofthechannel · 11/04/2008 10:02

nervousal, that was supposed to read 'your DD'

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Original poster
Othersideofthechannel · 11/04/2008 10:06

tried the timer, he is incapable of not talking and it just makes him upset that he didn't beat the timer

Yes Abbey, it is a 'lovely problem'.

So is the consensus that when you are against the clock, telling your children to be quiet and get on with it is a necessary evil?

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Fennel · 11/04/2008 14:41

My dd2 was like this. Talked nonstop from about a year til she was 5. It did drive us crazy. She's really a lot better/quieter now. At about 5 she learnt to think without talking, as it were. She's 6 now and still chatty but it's a lot easier as she can be quiet too.

I think learning to read really helped too, it gave her another way of finding information. It really toned down the incessant chat.

Unfortunately dd3, nearly 4, is getting noisier/chattier all the time.

i agree it's a "nice" problem but it makes me want to scream, being talked at, quite loudly, all the time. Especially if I'm feeling a bit tired or stressed.

ahundredtimes · 11/04/2008 14:47

I have THREE children like this. THREE, I tell you. So then you have to not only factor in chatting to the power of 3, but the then inevitable silbing fall-out because someone else was talking, or I wasn't listening or someone interrupted someone else (as if they care, as if they don't all just chunter on regardless).

I say 'I don't care. I'm not interested. Put your socks on. When your socks are on, i will listen to you, then you, then you. NO THAT IS NOT UP FOR NEGOTIATION.'

I have also said 'I'm not listening to you. I can't hear you. I'm not hearing what you say until your shoes are on.'

and

'Don't talk. Eat' - I say that a lot.

and

'SHUT UP' sometimes too.

ahundredtimes · 11/04/2008 14:48

I talk a lot too though

Should be said.

Fennel · 11/04/2008 14:52

ahundredtimes, it sounds like our house, though only 2/3 are chatty/loud.

Typical conversations go like

dd2: blah blah blah blah....
dd3: I'M TALKING. LISTEN TO ME, I WAS TALKING WAAAAAH
DD2 SHUT UP!
DD3 WAAAAH. I'M TALKING.
ME: EVERYONE SHUT UP.

GrapefruitMoon · 11/04/2008 14:56

Mine are like this too - esp ds1 - and always when I am trying to parallel park into a tight space. An dit's always something that they say is really important but of course is just twittering really... Cue lots of screaming on my part - hope the car is soundproof!

CaptainKarvol · 11/04/2008 14:58

aaaah is this what I have to look forward to? DS is only 2 but will wake me in the middle of the night (we co sleep) to tell me things that are on his mind. Generally about cars. Or snowballs...

fillybuster · 11/04/2008 15:02

My ds is only 2.5 and he's also like this...a nonstop stream of chatter from the moment he wakes up in the morning until he goes to bed at night (and for about 45mins afterwards as well, most days!). Its lovely, but wearing...I try really hard to pay attention but I am trying to teach him that there are inappropriate times to start chatting to me - like when I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone else! I've also found that reminding him that he gets upset when we run out of time to play/go to park etc works some of the time.

Not sure what DD is like, as she's only 10 weeks old

Bink · 11/04/2008 15:04

We have a red line rule: dd has crossed it when she is talking about talking - eg: "Mummy, sometimes when I say I can't remember what I was going to say, then I suddenly do remember it and then I can say it even though when I do say it ... [and on & on in self-perpetuating motion]".

She is quite good at agreeing that it then time to sit quiet for a bit.

The other thing I've recommended elsewhere is the "two word" system - so that when they desperately want to say something, they are allowed to give you a two-word gist but the actual spiel has to wait until they've finished whatever they were meant to be getting on with. This is brilliant for managing frustration (also v good for dealing with interrupting siblings - in that the interrupting sib is only allowed to say Two Words until it's properly their turn).

magnolia74 · 11/04/2008 15:17

Try have 5 like this!!!!

Well ok 4 coz ds1 is only 16 months but he screeches at me

The other 4 are all girls 13, twins 8, and a nearly 5 year old.

Its bloody mayhem and I find myself listening to more than one conversation at the same time. As long as I make the right yes, no, ok kind of noises it's not too bad.

Of course Dh says they get it from me

magnolia74 · 11/04/2008 15:19

Lol.... just remembered dd2 the other night went to a film night with a church grouo and came back to tell me the story......... 45 minutes later an she still wasn't finished. I had to ask her sister to end the story while she went to clean her teeth

ahundredtimes · 11/04/2008 17:07

Oh I LIKE the sound of the Two Word Rule. I'm going to try it because as often as not I get to dd or ds2 and say 'Right, what were you going to say?' and they say

'I can't remember. Waaah. I've forgotten, it was there in the front of my head, but then HE started talking about his stupid Pokemon collection, and now I can't remember, and it was really, really good and it's ALL YOUR FAULT because you didn't hear it at the time, and now you don't know anything, and this happens to me a lot, and nobody listens to what I say and nobody cares about it because all you care about is..

on and on and on.

Excellent. Two words. Am going to try it tonight.

TheFallenMadonna · 11/04/2008 17:13

Oooh Two Word Rule. Fab!

Ds is like this, and always has been. So much so that I didn't even notice dd wasn't talking, or indeed making any sounds at all, until she was 2 and he went to school .

It's taken 2 years, but she is now as voluble as her brother. And you'd think I'd be delighted after her speech delay and associated worry. And I was. But now I have it all in stereo and the novelty has truly worn off...

Original poster
Othersideofthechannel · 11/04/2008 18:53

Will give the two word thing a go.
DS just spent 10 mins describing the song he was going to sing to his grandmother over the phone, 30 seconds singing it, and another 10 minutes dissecting it.

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FrannyandZooey · 11/04/2008 18:57

be somewhere else when they are getting ready, and make it clear that if they aren't ready when it is time to go then they will have to go in their pjs or whatever

harsh but effective