How to get 3yo to eat something other than pasta and cheese?

[ohidoliketobe23]

DS3 refuses to try anything and is existing on a diet of pasta and cheese at dinner time. He will have other stuff throughout the day, but is far from adventurous. He will eat bagels/toast for breakfast with fruit, occasionally Greek yoghurt with a bit of maple syrup, wraps with cream cheese, scrambled egg if he's in the mood. It's all quite beige. We offer veg with most meals but he won't touch it or asks for it to be taken off his plate before he'll eat anything else. He doesn't eat meat (don't want to get into a convo about that here!).

He would always eat blended veg sauces which I got creative with, but had pasta and cheese at a friends once and now refuses the veg packed sauces too.

A bit of background: he was breastfed until he was 2.5 and never took to food from when we started weaning. He's not food driven and never says he's hungry or wants something to eat. He was premature and has always been quite thin, so we're always desperate to get him to eat anything which results in us just giving him what he wants (pasta and cheese!) to get him to have a proper dinner. He will happily take sugary snacks like ice cream or cake though, so he does have a preference! He has something like this once/twice a week with grandparents.

I admit we've made a bit of a rod for our own back with regard to pandering to this in the first place, but I wondered if anyone has any tips for overcoming this sort of thing? I'd love us to be able to eat together as a family.

Sorry no ideas but watching as sounds very similar to my youngest who is also 3 years old. She was also breastfed to 2.5 years but took to weaning well and would eat lots of varied foods at 6 months. She is small for her age but does grow and stays on the same centile.

I know there will be posters who disagree with me but I'd do a hard reset and say that there was no pasta or cheese in the shop. Then go a few weeks without any of that in the house. Serve your meals as a family and he either eats it or he doesn't. Just make what you normally would. Any requests for pasta and cheese say "there wasn't any in the shop but I'll look again next time I'm there"

I know you are anxious about his start with food but if he's healthy and thriving now I would put a stop to this sooner rather than later.

He's allowed to have preferences and my nearly 3 year old will still not eat the chicken that I serve tonight with potatoes and veg. He'll eat the potatoes and some of the veg. That's his choice, but we're having roast chicken for dinner regardless. He can have a banana after if he's still hungry.

We cut out snacking and now he eats most meals with us. He might prefer corn on the cob with his tuna pasta rather than sweetcorn mixed through it. That's fine, I don't mind that- but if we're having tuna pasta, we're having tuna pasta.

Just to add, my son was breastfed until 2 and is also small

My son was breastfed till 20 months and is also very small! He weaned well and had such a varied diet but has recently become so fussy.

I made a sticker chart for my 3 yo where he got a sticker for trying something new. I mean even a tiny lick, and even a new flavour of ice cream. After about a year (it wasn’t fast) he gradually believed that I wasn’t going to make him eat things he didn’t like and he seemed to relax.

I continued offering him new stuff along side this like eg I would continue with the scrambled eggs but sometimes have a bit of toast and marmite on the side (just an example, understand marmite is quite polarising)! I also sat and ate with him so he could see me eating lots of new things. And I never ever ever commented if he didn’t eat something.

Now he is 11 and eats almost everything except cauliflower! It has taken 8 years of work but progress has been quite steady

I’d recommend looking at Kids Eat In Color, she’s got a website and Instagram but she’s a children’s dietician (American, properly qualified) who’s brilliant at tackling picky eating.

I agree with the pp about just cooking one family meal too. I did bbq sausages, potato salad, rocket and tomato salad yesterday and my 11yo did not take any rocket or tomato. I didn’t mention it. I would not avoid cooking meals he doesn’t like particularly but I try to have one thing he likes on every meal. And he used to have a banana and a glass of milk before bed when he was smaller

My final thought is to keep in mind that your aim is to get to them being age 18 and eating a good diet. So if they eat 2-3 new things a year that is progress. They don’t have to start eating kale at age 5 to be a success.

mine arent fussy eaters and we always ate the same meal, even when they were toddlers and ate together as a family
BUT there were things that they refused to eat. DS2 would pick the tiniest amount of onion, peppers or mushrooms out of a meal, he's now 13 and all of a sudden LOVES these things and will eat them raw/on thier own! so sometimes pallets change as they grow.

Both my kids were breastfed and weaned the same way.

One ate everything and anything and lists sprouts and broccoli as her favourite foods.

The other was a seriously beige eater.

We tried everything in this thread and dozens more. Nothing worked.

Gradually over the years we slowly broadened his palette. Real change started post pandemic age 12 going on scout camps.

Now age 15 he will eat a pretty broad range of food. Veggies are still a bit limited by otherwise we got there.

What I'm trying to say is don't stress about it.

It's not your fault for breastfeeding.

You might have to make accommodations for him.

'Eat what's out in front of you/only make one meal' is advice only ever offered by people who've never had a child with food issues.

Keep trying but it's not the end of the world and don't stress about it.

Also do check out ARFID beige eating can be a sign of that. kidshealth.org/en/parents/arfid.html

'Eat what's out in front of you/only make one meal' is advice only ever offered by people who've never had a child with food issues

This is not necessarily true. My son's eating went downhill after successful weaning as often happens. We had a period of him eating not much more than fish fingers and cereal. Funnily enough he always had room for ice cream and snacks like OP's son.

I had had enough of the stress that came with mealtimes and overhauled everything completely. Snacks out the window and the food that was offered is all that there is. He's nearly 3 and I'm frank about that with him. If he says he doesn't want something for dinner I remind him "you can eat whatever you like from your plate but I'm not making anything else tonight."

Miraculously he eats something. We've had an occasional skipped dinner and I stand by if he doesn't want an apple or banana before bed then he must not really be hungry. So far he's not collapsed of starvation and I feel a million times better for regaining control of meal times.

You're basically describing my son at that age. Pasta and cheese and occasionally Bolognese and that was pretty much it apart from toast/cereal/cucumber sticks.

He's now almost 6 and through lots and lots of exposure his diet has definitely opened up. Still doesn't like any traditional kids foods but carrots, sweetcorn, peppers go down at least, and he is a lot more willing to try things in exchange for playstation time with dad

I'd try not to stress but it's so difficult especially when you have people around you pushing food on them. Rewards jar has also really helped but I try very hard not to pressure and just eat a variety of foods around him.
If he tries something new it's generally his choice these days and school dinners have helped

@Yourethebeerthief

A period of fish fingers and ice cream is not a child with food issues. Especially if you cracked it quickly. Well done.

The OP's child is 3 years old. He is also going through a short phase of wanting to eat only pasta and cheese just as my son did with fish fingers.

Why is my child a child without food issues but OP's is? Why should OP not try to regain control like I did and say "this is what's for dinner, eat what you want and leave the rest"?

I never ever force my son to eat anything. But he knows that what's on the table for breakfast lunch and dinner is what's on the table. If we've nothing planned I'll ask him what he fancies.

Some really interesting ideas here, thank you all!

Seems to be a split between putting down what you're having and saying that's that, and taking a more gentle approach and hoping for improvement through exposure.

It's so good to know we're not alone in this though, I feel like such a failure as a mum when I see friends younger children feeding themselves all sorts of veggies and foods while I'm still fork feeding my 3yo pasta every night. I just want to get something into him.

You're not a failure OP. Nothing has messed with my mind more as a parent than feeding my child. Some kids are hard work with food.

But don't mistake cooking one meal and nothing else for not being gentle. Be kind and firm but fair at mealtimes and you can't do anything more. You're not force-feeding him the food and making him cry, you're just saying "here's dinner" then all sitting to eat together.

Start with meals that have lots of components so that he can pick and choose, rather than say a lasagne and nothing else. Tortilla wraps and fillings are good as you can have the meat filling and then bowls with things like sour cream, grated cheese, veggies etc and he can pick. If he only eats the wrap and the grated cheese, fine. Don't comment on it in any way. It took my son months of eating plain spaghetti and grated cheese before he tried the bolognese everyone else was having with theirs. Now it's one of his favourite meals.

Take the spotlight off of him. Dinner isn't about him, it's about the family eating together. It's no coincidence that the period of my son eating not much more than fish fingers was also the period of time that we were not consistently prioritising sitting down to dinner together.

Remember that you're playing the long game. Every night you serve pasta and cheese just for him you're not making any steps forward. But if he eats pasta and cheese while everyone is also spooning bolognese onto theirs he is still sitting at the table and sharing the same meal. It's a different experience and a good influence for him even if it takes weeks on end before he has that first taste of the bolognese. Don't be disheartened if you're all eating curry and he only eats rice, or if everyone is having soup and his bowl goes cold while he just eats the bread and butter. He's sitting with you, everyone is relaxed and modelling enjoying their food, you're chatting, he's taking it all in. That's progress. It takes time.

As soon as you start making progress it will gain momentum.

I've been going through this for 2-3 years.
It's been hard work and it does get easier. Start a diary because every little win is awesome.
Mine is now nearly 7, still on a very limited beige diet and will eat peas occasionally.... he's wildly active, loves all sports and has no tummy problems ( after fighting constipation for a while) one day at a time!
They cAn cope with eating in a way we wouldn't dream.

Could not agree more with every word. Oh the meals and meals when mine only ate rice or a dry wrap! I never commented and eventually things changed. Don’t beat yourself up x

We’re going through fussy eating with my almost 3 year old. I don’t have a perfect response but things I’m trying are:
the rule at mealtimes is I expect him to TRY each item and if he doesn’t like it, just tell me and he doesn’t have to eat it.
get him involved with food prep as much as possible. Started with foods he already enjoys and now starting to include new food or food he’s less fond of. I also bought him a tiny apron to throw in a bit of ‘dress up play’ and just generally help him to enjoy food.

it seems to be helping… might be worth a try

If he's not eating meat then at least the cheese will give him a good source of protein.

Could you sneak some veg into the cheese sauce? Or even try cauliflower cheese rather than pasta?

I breastfed one of mine for 3 years and the other for 6 months. Both were "awful" eaters with a cycle of 4 meals at that age. Breastfeeding wasn't the cause of their fussiness. I used to hide veggies in things - for instance pesto pasta had chopped spinach in it and macaroni cheese had puréed cauliflower. We all still eat the puréed anabel Karmel pasta sauce.
I took the gentle approach and just kept trying to offer new foods. It's really hard but I tried not to comment or make a big deal.
It did resolve itself. School dinners helped!
Now they eat anything (except mushrooms) and going out for dinner is a pleasure as we pore over the menu critiquing it. One even enjoys cooking! Mine are 11 and 13 now but have been doing that for a good few years now.
Sorry not helpful or practical reply really but I know what you're going through and now I really really wish I hadn't stressed about it so much.

I disagree on sneaking veg into the cheese sauce. In fact I recommend that if you get him back to basic tomato sauce you don’t hide veg he doesn’t like in it. Food sometimes being inexplicably bad tasting to him is not going to help. Basic foods, served at the table, ask him if he wants to try the smallest piece of whatever and if he just has plain carbs and grated cheese so be it.

Just wanted to say that while this might just be picky eating, for my DS it was actually related to undiagnosed autism. It was extremely difficult with people constantly advising to withhold the only foods he ate and that he'd always properly if he was hungry enough. Absolutely not true in neurodiverse kids. So my advice is to look at the whole picture. Offering foods with a reward for trying is a good suggestion. Make sure he knows he doesn't have to eat a whole serving of anything, just try it. My DD is better now than he was and will eat a selection of beige things, mostly carbs. Bread, pasta, potato (any form except mashed) cheese, pizza. But he will now eat carrots, broccoli stalks (not the actual broccoli part), and Cucumber. It's progress so we focus on the positives. Good luck.

Is he filling up with milk

Ds1 ate virtually nothing except pasta and cheese between the ages of 2 and 5. He also ate toast, weetabix and fruit. He is now a very fit and healthy 18 year old who eats anything and everything!

Don't stress. Do as a previous poster says: have food available on the table to choose from. If he only eats the pasta & cheese, it doesn't matter. He'll get there.