Would you think it odd if you invited a couple for a Saturday evening dinner party..........

[Earlybird]

.........and they asked if they could bring their children?

Children are 3 and 7, and have evidently never been left with a babysitter - unless it was a family member. If relevant: financial constraints are not a factor, and the invitation was issued with a month's notice.

How would you handle such a response/request?

Certainly are Katz Unfortunately DH is playing golf on Friday this week though ad won't be in until late - unless it rains that is.

Stick to your original timing and arrangements. You can't start messing the other guests around.

Allow them to bring their kids if they feel it's absolutely necessary.

If they get up to go home at 9pm then at least you've been the gracious hostess and you'll know to stick to family lunch parties only with this particular couple.

heavy rain forecast for friday!

Not having relatives close to hand, I can sympathise with the babysitting issue as with even a months notice arrangements I've had have fallen apart and we've had to ask to bring the dc's. However, I wouldn't expect (or want ) them to interfere with the business of grown-up dinner so they arrive in pj#s and are dispatched with books and story CDs to bed on a mattress with own blankets and generally ignored.

So - I wouldn't change the start time, the eat time but make them feel like you would positively welcome their dc's as you will have some kind of bedding arrangement available for them - create the expectation that the dc will not be a part of the dinner party but you are happy for them to be in the building (as it were).

Hope it's all ok.

Why don't you do a running buffet, tapas that sort of thing. They could bring their kids and leave when they want and you and the others could still carry on.

I don't think you should start changing the whole evening to suit this couple. I appreciate the wife might be lonely/anxious/in need of some company but another evening can always be arranged for their benefit.

I would suggest that you tell them that this evening was planned as an adults-only eating-later-and-enjoying-some-child-free-time, and maybe they could come the following weekend (or whatever) and have an early supper with all the children.

You run the risk of either upsetting the IW couple, or the other couples, or just not enjoying yourself at all. And seeing as it's your home you should at least have some fun.

Yes.

I'd tell them, 'Sorry, this is an adults only evening.'

it's awkward really but ultimately not on eother (a) to shift to an earlier meal time to accommodate them - other guests' babysitters may be stretched to be there that early for them (I know my regular lady certainly would be)or
(b) to uninvite them even if it meant offering say a sunday lunch instead

What I'd do would be to let them bring their children, but make it politely clear theirs would be the only ones "on the scene" (would yours be in bed btw ?) and they could have a bowl of fruit/crisps to eat in front of a DVD in another room then maybe snuggle themselves into sleeping bags on the sofa. At the same time i'd arrange n entirely separate weekend lunch for them and one or 2 other families. Then although that's more work at least you will be entirely guilt free and will have done your absolute best to be welcoming.

Occasionally when mine were younger we'd be kindly offered the option of bringing them and sticking them by the telly if babysitting were a problem, but mine wouldn't in a million years have settled to sleep casually in another home like that, nor did we ever fancy hauling them out in the evenings when there was a chance fopr adult conversation instead !

I'd say no, adults only. It totally spoils the dynamic of a dinner party to have a couple of tired kids about who just want to sleep.
I sympathise with them only wanting to leave their kids with family - we are the same - but if we can't get a sitter, we don't go. Wouldn't dream of asking to take my daughter along.

Definitely I'd say 'no sorry, this is adults only'. Then arrange another, family-friendly invite (lunch?) if you want to.

(Maybe I'm a bit harsh but have similar friends - independently wealthy, neither works - with a rather 'demanding' dc. Regularly have to head off at the pass suggestions that they bring dc to boozy parties or evening dinner parties. Have become practised at breezy, smiling refusals...)

No I wouldn't think it odd. I've had friends bring their kids who either get into my bed and fall asleep watching a DVD or we properly set up beds on the floor for them. Not a problem to me.

I don't think I'd mind at all to be honest. Can't the kids watch TV? If they don't have a mum to babysit, it's not that easy. And if they always invited children it might be what they expect.

Anyway, "adults only evenings" always makes me think of swingers.

I actually think it quite rude of the husband to re organise and suggest what time he wants dinner! you can't do that if you are invited to someone's house. You simply cannot dictate what happens at someone elses dinner party. I'm really shocked tbh.

Whilst I understand his reasons, it's just not what is going to happen. Simple. you need to be honest with him. Tell him you have given it a huge amount of thought, and that you are terribly sorry, but since you have invited others, and whilst a children and adult evening would e something you'd love to do, on this occasion you are sticking to your original plans. That is, to have an adults dinner party, at an adult time for dinner.

Also stress that the other couples invited have been looking forward, as have you, to an evening without the children to worry about, and you feel it unfair to change this for one couple and disappoint 3 other couples.

If they really won't leave the children, then perhaps the only compromise you should make is to say that they can bring their children, but dinner will be at the original time you'd said.

Suggest you will plan another evening soon, more to their agenda, and would look forward to it, and include everyones children.

SO difficult I know. However, you really need to stand your ground on this, as no-one will have a good evening, including you at this rate.

What do you want to do? At the moment, there are too many people involved and their wishes are interfering with your decision. I guess if you are into formal(ish) dinner parties, it's a big issue. And if it matters to you then I guess you should stick with your original plan and spell out the arrangements.

Thanks everyone for your advice.

I think the best solution is to abandon the dinner party idea with these particular couples (as we seem to be at an impasse with opposing babysitter philosophies), and switch to a weekend brunch/lunch with children included.

Fwiw, I went out last night to an 'adult' party - lovely home, fabulous food/wine, and plenty of opportunity for conversation. People started leaving 2.5 hours after arrival, with most gone by 3 hours from arrival. I guess as desperate as we may be for a childless night out, the need for sleep rules supreme!

Why not keep your plans for the adult dinner and if this couple don't want to come, ask them around the following weekend with kids?

The entire dinner party idea with this mix of guests came about as a way of saying 'thank you' and repaying this couple's generosity in hosting some of us several times. It somehow only seems right that I reciprocate in a way that suits them.

In future, I will take into account that this couple only 'comes out at night' with dc, and will plan accordingly.