AIBU? My sister asked me to leave my baby to cry

[soosal]

A little backstory, my sister and I are both big believers in responsive attachment parenting. We baby wear, co sleep, exclusively breastfeed on demand, never leave our babies to cry etc. We’re those mums.

Our babies our 6 months apart. Mine has just turned one, hers is 6 months. Anyway, my nephew just got a case of bronchitis poor little guy. I helped my sister do his paracetamol for his fever and my son watched and cried as he watched my nephew scream his way through the medicine. The antibiotics needed mixing and giving also (we are abroad hence the need to mix, it’s the powder kind). I said I would put my son to bed and then come to help since he was crying watching us tend to my nephew.

My sister said I should just strap him into his chair and let him cry whilst we sorted my nephew out since that need is more pressing. I said no and put him to bed. He had already cried watching us do the first lot of medicine, I think getting antibiotics 10-20 mins later wouldn’t have made a difference, especially since it was going to be really overwhelming to have both babies screaming at the same time, ignoring my son and him watching us pin down my nephew to take the medicine that he was refusing.

Should I have just helped right away? Is it unreasonable to expect a baby/my sister to wait 20 mins?

Please let me know. I don’t want to feel like I’m being unfair to my nephew, I adore him as if he was my own child, I wouldn’t put one of their needs above the other. It just made the most sense to me to put one baby to bed and then we all help the sick baby.

I don’t really understand why it needs 2 of you to give meds to one 6 month old?

Me either but ywnbu putting your son to bed first

Sounds like a lot of drama over nothing, I'm regularly alone with both my young children yet have never found myself in this situation. Have always given medicine to one while holding the other or whatever. If I've read this correctly there were 2 adults to 2 children so I don't really understand why anyone had to be 'left to cry' although I may be reading it wrong.

Me neither. Would you be happy to do the opposite if your baby needed to have meds? Would you just want to get it over & done with in 1 go or would you be happy to let them calm down/ fall asleep only to be woken up 20/30 mins later after her baby is asleep?

If he was tired and needed to sleep I’d have put him to bed. She should be able to do this by herself and if she needs help she can accommodate your other responsibilities.

Sounds like you're both giving yourselves a recipe for disaster.

I also think that you probably both made a meal of giving the medicine. If it's that much of a palaver at 6 months imagine what it'll be like when they're a toddler!!

Side tracking slightly what sort of chair is safe to strap a year old dc in?

Well if you weren't there your sister would have to do it by herself wouldn't she.

it would probably have been best to pop your baby in their cot for 5 mins to help with your ill nephew, then gone back and settled then after. Ill baby and mum need more support.

You are both right. You both want your babies needs dealt with. She isn’t ever going to agree with you but that doesn’t mean you are wrong.

Do you live together? Why are you having to help her? Does she have mobility issues (I ask as those little syringey things can be tricky to use).

He kept refusing it, I think she wanted some moral support also as it’s the first time he’s been ill. Which I am happy to do but I just needed to get my tired crying child to bed first.

A high chair. And I did strap him in for the first lot. But they were both screaming at the same time and it was disastrous so I thought let me put mine to bed.

It really doesn't need two of you to give medicine to a baby. She was being unreasonable.

We’re on holiday and he was refusing the medicine. It’s her first child and the first time he’s been ill so I think she needed moral support more than anything.

Non issue, you were fine to put your baby to bed first. Don’t worry about it.

I mean he wouldn’t have fell asleep in that 20 mins tbf because he’s struggling to sleep with being sick. And I would have just done it myself if I didn’t want to wait. I do appreciate her point of view and I want to give support but I wasn’t essential to him getting the medicine, I think it was more of a moral support need paired with a couple of extra hands.

Sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama. 2 people to give medicine to a 6MO isn’t necessary but if I had agreed that it was for whatever reason then I would have just cracked on and done it, not prolonged it by doing a 20 minute bedtime in the middle because even with the mixing it would have been a 1 minute job.

Honestly, I would just forget about it. Both of you were putting your own dc first which is normal. I’m also not sure why two people are needed for meds but then I have 3 dc so maybe I am used to doing things one under or balancing needs or more than one dc and have forgotten what it’s like.

If she really needed help, I'd probably have just done the medicine before putting my child to bed. It surely can't have taken more than a minute or two to do?

it sounds like you’re both highly emotional (understandable as first babies, still young etc) but none of this is as big a deal as you both feel it is.

Would it have harmed your DC to be strapped in his high chair for 2 mins whilst you helped your sister? even if he cried? Nah.

Is giving a 6mo baby antibiotics a 2 man job? Also nah. (You hold them on your lap, clamp one arm around them to hold arms still, insert syringe into cheek (never straight down throat) and gently push the syringe).

BUT- I remember being a first time new mum and both leaving my child to cry and administering medicine for the first time would have stressed me the fuck out. So I think the thing to do, is get both kids settled, have a cup of tea and a biscuit together, and forget all about it.

My honest reaction to this post is “ohhh, so this is how people “do” parenting!”. Those labels you’ve ascribed to you and your sister are likely what’s making this situation an actual situation for you.

Babies cry. You just get on with it. You’re literally giving medicine, literally helping. There’s no right or wrong order: little baby gets its meds, big baby goes to sleep. That’s it. There’s nothing to choose between. It doesn’t matter.

Thank you. This was actually really helpful advice. And we have just had some biscuits and snacks together ironically.

You’re probably right tbh. We will both probably chill out with the next one. We covered attachment theory etc in university and I think it made us both a little bit neurotic when it comes to parenting. It’s gotten better though as time goes on and they get older (if you can believe it😂)