AIBU? My sister asked me to leave my baby to cry

[soosal]

A little backstory, my sister and I are both big believers in responsive attachment parenting. We baby wear, co sleep, exclusively breastfeed on demand, never leave our babies to cry etc. We’re those mums.

Our babies our 6 months apart. Mine has just turned one, hers is 6 months. Anyway, my nephew just got a case of bronchitis poor little guy. I helped my sister do his paracetamol for his fever and my son watched and cried as he watched my nephew scream his way through the medicine. The antibiotics needed mixing and giving also (we are abroad hence the need to mix, it’s the powder kind). I said I would put my son to bed and then come to help since he was crying watching us tend to my nephew.

My sister said I should just strap him into his chair and let him cry whilst we sorted my nephew out since that need is more pressing. I said no and put him to bed. He had already cried watching us do the first lot of medicine, I think getting antibiotics 10-20 mins later wouldn’t have made a difference, especially since it was going to be really overwhelming to have both babies screaming at the same time, ignoring my son and him watching us pin down my nephew to take the medicine that he was refusing.

Should I have just helped right away? Is it unreasonable to expect a baby/my sister to wait 20 mins?

Please let me know. I don’t want to feel like I’m being unfair to my nephew, I adore him as if he was my own child, I wouldn’t put one of their needs above the other. It just made the most sense to me to put one baby to bed and then we all help the sick baby.

I think you’ve got some harsh replies on here OP. I’d think nothing of giving my toddler medicine now, even if he was being awkward, but I remember the first time trying to give him calpol and DH and I did it together for moral support. It’s easy to say hang onto them and pop the syringe in but it’s not always that easy, especially if they seem to be getting distressed. It’s easy to second guess yourself at every step as a new mum and it’s fine to need help even if you’re doing something ‘simple’. It’s done now though and hopefully your sister will feel more confident next time.

I’m glad! Enjoy your time with your sister. It’s a wonderful
thing to be so close with a sib, and to be able to share your motherhood journey.

And I promise promise- (and I know because I was also one of “those” mums)- that whatever your parenting style, you don’t have to get it “right” all the time to raise a healthy, happy, securely bonded baby. It drives some people mad on here, but the “good enough parent” is a phrase worth googling, if you haven’t come across it. It brought me great comfort and reassurance when I was worried about not being a “perfect mum”.

Just FYI op. If you know a bit about attachment theory… you’ll realise that attachment parenting approaches are not rooted in attachment thoery at all really. Bowlby, Ainsworth et al did not say that you need to do any of those specific parenting practices (breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing etc) to be a responsive parent and develop a secure attachment bond. Attachment parenting as a concept/practice was developed in the 80s by an American Christian who, some argue, went on and used it as a tool to try to get women out of the workplace and back into the home.

Ps. Next time either of you has to give medicine to a wriggly small baby alone, wrap them in a towel to stop them flailing their arms about 👌

Amen.
Honestly. The amount of pressure put on parents is actually ridiculous.
Do we always get it right? NO!
Are we trying our absolute best? YES!
Are our children happy, healthy and safe? Also YES.

There is no manual. It isn't fixing a car. Some will always disagree and judge you.
There is no perfect correct way.

You're doing great OP and sounds like you were both putting your DC first at the time. I dont believe either of you were being unreasonable really.

You're grand OP. It's not even as if you're a couple parenting two children - in that scenario the healthy child does sometimes need to be parked while you both deal with the sick one (although even then not just to give a dose of medicine). You're each parenting your own child, and then you're giving her a bit of moral support when you can on top of parenting your baby. Of course you're prioritising your own.

Btw, you both have clearly much loved babies growing up in presumably happy homes - you don't need to be worrying about attachment, they're good.

Thanks so much for all of the recent responses. it really is so helpful to remind myself I’m doing a good job. I think both of us overwhelmed ourselves with the need to be perfect mums or we will leave them with some kind of trauma 🙈

It’s definitely easier to judge yourself these days with so much access to social media etc. thanks again to all of you, such a nice read especially after a hard night getting little one off to sleep!