I've not had any baby free time since my baby was born 5 months ago, am I missing out?

[MrsSquirrelNutkin]

I saw a post on instagram today from a girl who had her baby 4 weeks ago and she was having her first baby free afternoon. I asked my mother (who's had 5 kids) when she first did this and she said when baby were a couple of months. It got me thinking, I've never had even a baby free hour since my baby was born.

I have tried a few times to get my baby to take expressed milk from a bottle and he wouldn't, the last time I tried though was admittedly nearly 3 months ago.

But tbh, I've not felt like I have really wanted baby free time, is this usual for a first time mum? Everything I liked to do before I just take my baby. Walking, shopping, if I get my hair cut he comes with me. If me and hubby want to go for breakfast lunch or dinner baby just comes with us. I don't drink so it's not like I want a night out. And baby is a great sleeper so in the evening me and hubby can have intimate time.

Am I missing out on a world of fun by not leaving my baby with my parents for a few hours?! I question whether I'm too attached and it's a bad thing.

I was that desperate for regular baby free time I went back to work at four and five months each time. 20 years now, no regrets.
But we are all different.

I had a night off to attend an event when DS1 was 6 weeks old. It wasn't worth it for the pain in my boobs! I think I got the odd few hours year and there, but nothing significant.
I don't think my Mum had any time without me until I went to preschool!

I don’t think it’s that unusual not to have left them if breastfeeding. If you are happy taking baby with you then why not.

I wouldn’t want to take a tiny baby into a hairdressers. Google “hair splinter” to see why.

I didn’t for 18 months. I just wasn’t interested in doing anything without my baby before that. Everyone is different so no judgment for those who want to. People were quite pushy about it though.

I didn’t want to leave mine for months. I missed them too much, nothing else was interesting to my baby brain. I had a lot of visitors though.

You have a great sleeper. I wouldn't have needed time off with a great sleeper.

I actually just go to a family friends house who quickly cuts my hair while baby plays in the lounge. I'm not one to spend £60 on a fancy hair cut in a salon 😂 but thank you as I didn't know this. I sometimes cut hubby's hair and thinking about it there have been occasions when his little hairs prick my skin.

I felt pressured by others to have time away from my baby when he was a few months old. I had an hour away from him and hated it, just wasn't ready yet.

When he got to about 6 months, I started to want a break. And started having a couple of hours away from him here and there.

There's no rush, you'll know when you're ready x

I have good chunks of baby-free time in the day or evening thanks to great support systems so I can go and ride my horse and go to the gym or out for drinks, or do some work for a few hours, but I haven’t had a night away from my baby ever as we co-sleep and I don’t want to leave her.

There’s no right way to do things. There’s what you have the money/support to do, and what you feel comfortable with. Don’t make yourself do something that doesn’t feel right, unless you don’t have a choice (eg going back to work, going to hospital, etc).

You evidently have a 'good' baby it's possible to do stuff with. Mine would scream in the car& the buggy and just generally scream for no reason a lot. I was desperate for breaks. I think it's lovely for you and baby that you don't need this, so don't let anyone make you second- guess it!

I think some women feel the need for baby-free time (of more than a few minutes to bathe etc.) more than others. I was happy to be with my baby and to breastfeed on demand for at least 6 months and I don't recall being away from my firstborn at all really. Subsequently I probably popped to the shops nearby or to do school pick up or go to the playground, if my mother or husband was there, I can't exactly remember. It depends entirely on you as a person and you and your family's preferred lifestyle. If it's fine with you, keep doing what you are doing. If you'd like more time to yourself, then work towards how to achieve that. But you are completely normal if you want to be attached with your baby all the time and likewise if you don't.

I was desperate for baby free time due to ds having horrific colic/reflux so felt like he cried non-stop for 7 months, was an extremely poor sleeper (for 2 years), seemed really unhappy all the time (likely due to the reflux) and it was the absolute hardest thing I've ever been through. I rarely left the house as he would just cry in the car/pram/shop whatever. So I grabbed those baby free times when someone could watch him for me with both hands. I don't think I'd have survived without it. So depends on the baby I think. It's lovely you've not felt you've needed to. Enjoy your time together if that's what you prefer.

It isn't about binding, that implies people who want it need time out are less bonded. Just different people, babies, experiences, support. First born, he was about 14 weeks cos it wasn't long out of hospital and I want food shopping at Morrisons. Twins, no idea. I used to do the big shop during COVID so was mainly that

Our single and twins now toddlers I still can't imagine leaving them, fully enjoying every moment and when hubby gets in from work even better and once there all in bed and asleep by 8 we enjoy a film or something. But just like some mum's want to leave there little ones others want to do the opposite and neither is right or wrong way

I think I had my first baby free time going to a gig, when she was 8 months, then at 14 months, my birthday meal with friends. 2.5 months later baby 2 came. This time, birthday afternoon and early evening, when baby was 9.5 months.

bonding

I forgot to answer your actual question. No, I don't think you are missing out. There's plenty of time for you to spend as much time as you want to with your baby in this first year, and plenty of time for you to do other things that you want to do as they get older. It will be important for your baby to get used to spending time with other caregivers, but it's not necessary to have started this at 5 months old, unless you wanted to.

I don't remember when I had my first baby-free hour but it was several months in and that suited me fine. I remember MIL insisting offering to watch DS for a couple hours when he was about 6 weeks old, so that DH and I could go out for dinner. I spent the whole day dreading it, and when DH called to say he was going to have to work late and wouldn't be back in time for dinner I almost cried with relief!
You're not missing out until you feel like you're missing out IMO.

It really depends on the baby
My daughter has severe reflux and 20 food allergies. If I got a bath every 2 weeks I was doing well. She was in my arms for 23h a day and she was 10 months before dad was able to comfort her and 18 months before grandparents could comfort her.
It was detrimental to my mental health and I spent 10 weeks in a mother and baby unit when she was 10 months old. I think it does a mother good to feel able to leave their child even if they don't. The worst thing for my mental health was not that I didn't leave my daughter with her dad or my parents/in-laws it was the knowledge that they couldn't hold her for more than 90seconds without her getting very distressed and needing me again and she went back to fairly distressed which was the best we got. Visits were a blur of a cup of tea passing her between various people as me and my partner stuff down our meal quickly often stood up holding the baby as we couldn't even sit with her she had to be paced permanently and then dashed off. Thankfully with covid this didn't happen very often. Since 2y she has a great relationship with her dad, grandparents and aunts and they all have looked after her on her own.

At only 5 months in definitely didn’t feel needed baby free time, enough with just naps etc. However have appreciated kid free time as they’ve got older

It depends, obviously every mum and every baby is different. What stood out to me in your post is that your baby is a good sleeper. I'd have coped with ANYTHING if mine would have slept. As it was, I rang my best friend and broke down at the 4 month mark, and she came and took my baby for a few hours so I could have a bath and a nap. It was a period in our lives where DH was working insane hours, out the house for 14ish hours 5 days a week and I was absolutely broken doing it all on my own (no family help at all) on a few hours broken sleep a night. Your baby sounds very easy, you're very lucky.

Oh that sounds so hard, well done for getting through it! Tbh I'm very lucky with my babys temperament so I think you're right I should just enjoy our time together.

Everyone is different.

As long as you are happy doing what you are doing. Keep doing it.

It's definitely not a bad thing!
If you want to stay with your baby 24/7 then do it. Enjoy it.

You're not too attached, you're happy.