Key differences between having a boy vs a girl

[Eqei]

Just found out we’re having a girl 🙏🏽 and we already have a wonderful toddler boy..

I come from a mixed family, my husband does not. And I really want to prepare him (he’s asked too!) on what the key differences are between having boys and girls.

we’re honestly so blessed to be being getting one of each, never thought it would happen for us (we have had a real challenge with fertility and pregnancies).

would love to hear from you all on what you think are the key tips, differences and anything relevant!

Yes but only because that's how they are brought up

The way other people treat them is really noticeable, particularly relatives. The assumptions that are made about them despite lots of evidence to the contrary is extraordinary. It has made me reflect a lot on my own upbringing. One example is that my mother struggles to see that my daughter is as intelligent as my son. She is really proud of them both and loves them equally but this attitude is ingrained in her from her own childhood.

I have 2, a girl then a boy. My friend has 2 girls the same age as my 2. We both find the second born is more energy, more daredevil. So I'm not sure it is sex based. I do joke my boy is part mountain goat though. I used cloth nappies for both children and had to use typically boy set ups for the absorbency for my girl as she was a forward pee'er too. I found girl nappies easier in some ways, possibly because I have the same bits. Just make sure all the creases are clean. Can feel a bit more invasive than cleaning a boy but the folds will get crusty and sore if you don't. So basically go with the baby in front of you.

Yes, agreed. I have 2 boys. They enjoy a trip to Costa, the shops, and theatre. We had a great city break to London. My eldest ds is happy to look around the clothes shops and picks out stuff he thinks me and my mum might like. I'm sure my eldest would enjoy a spa day, too, to be honest.

Totally! They're awful really. Girl friendships are savage. Jealousy, bitchy & just terrible. The boys fall
out then all good, the girls fall out & it’s all “why are you her friend, you’re meant to be my friend”.

Honestly though, shopping trips, girls days, coffee & cake mummy & daughter days are so cute & lovely!

Such stereotypes. Both the negative and the positive. This really is not true of all girls. Do boys not like cake?

I know people may get all offended but GENERALLY there are differences. Of course you get quiet calm boys and very active and loud girls, and most are just a bit either side of the scale. But, and maybe a nursery worker would have more authority on this, I'd say boys are generally more active, noisy and need external stimulation. Girls are (again generally) more contemplative and capable of lone or sustained activities. They seem to have more elaborate imaginative games, boys seem to have more active straightforward games. Boys have a more destructive streak (oh the hours I spent building a wooden train scene with tunnels and bridges and a station, even a forest as he always played with one in the toy shop, only for him to delightedly whack it all down - it was glued - like a human tornado).
My DD didn't really play with dolls but did spend endless hours putting her beloved stuffed animals into family groups.
The same had been played out with friend's kids. I went for a walk with one and the girl happily ran about collecting flowers, the boy found a stick and 'shot' things then used it as a bat to whack at anything and everything.
Our post natal group consisted of my son and three girls. He played what games they did but one day another boy can along and within five minutes they were wrestling then whacking things with sticks.
I often think boys are more black and white, girls all shades of grey.
As they age their personalities override some stereotypical activities. My son is still super active, but also loves clothes shopping. My daughter hates it. Both love to go to new restaurants and try new foods. They both enjoy the theatre and music. My DD is very academic which requires many hours of research, study, writing - all solo activities. My DS is not and would much rather go for a five mile hike. But both enjoy reading. My son has no patín e with TV unless it's a sport, my daughter loves a good serial.
Your husband doesn't need preparing. My husband had three boys (and five brothers) before we had a daughter and managed fine. Both our kids were equally tactile and affectionate. Daughter definitely more moody. He (and you) should just take it as it comes.

Nobody else seems to have mentioned this, so an actual difference is for when they're old enough to be going to main bathrooms and not a changing room when you're out. With having a boy first you might not have thought about the much because dad can take a son to the men's with no big issues as son needs to learn urinal rules and dynamics, and mum can take a son to the ladies for quite a while with no issues as there's just more forgiveness for parents and with cubicles there's more privacy for everyone.

But, with a girl, although mum can take daughter to the ladies no issues, dad might be less willing to take a daughter to the men's because of the urinals and also it falls into the "eeeeh not sure about that" vibe of little girls around adult men being perceived as more at risk of harm than little boys around adult women. Not saying it's correct or accurate but that is a common perception.

I know people may get all offended but GENERALLY there are differences.

Yes, but those differences are created at least partly (maybe even mostly) by socialisation. There have been studies/experiments that parents and adults in general (so no doubt also nursery workers etc) treat and speak to boys and girls differently from birth amd have different expectations of them. Observations of girls being steered away from the footballs and trucks in a toddler group and asked if they'd like to play with a nice dolly etc. Hardly surprising really, considering that the stereotypical views of what men and boys, women amd girls should be like are still very much alive and well in 2024.

I really hate these stereotypes. My dd wasn't like this at all, and neither were her friends. Quite the contrary, actually - they were consistently kind and supportive towards each other, no real fallouts, stable friendships all through school etc.

I'm sure that some girls are bitchy and jealous (and some boys too) but let's not suggest that these are particularly female traits.

I have the complete opposite. DD (15) has always grunted and shared the bare minimum of her day unless there's been some juicy drama.

With DS (12) I know to get comfy because the tale of his day is going to take a while. He's always loved words, has a large and very descriptive vocabulary and enjoys a good yarn.

Stereotypes are bloody awful.

They hold back and stifle both boys and girls and ensure the continuination of the patriarchy

Honestly no differences between bringing up my two that I could attach to gender. They were both sensitive and cuddly and chatty.

That's an interesting perspective!

Are you not concerned that “deal with it better” often means physically fighting?

I’d take girls school struggles over boys ones, if we’re sticking to stereotypes. Girls can be savage but bullies affect both and it’s far less likely to be dangerously physical for girls.

I really try and stay away from this thinking of girls do this, boys do that.
Growing up as a teenage girl I was badly beaten up by girls on three separate occasions. Three different girls. One time I was so badly hurt I was scared to leave the house for months.
Just recently I had to break up a fight. A young lad was lying on the floor while one girl was kicking him in the head and another was kicking him in the kidney area. They could have killed him!
So no, I don't see teenage girls as being particularly gentle. Everyone's different.

Apart from the physical practicalities around nappy changes, etc. there's little to prepare for in my experience.

Few of the posts I have seem resonate with me. Some traits do (teen girl dramas) but I'm also very conscious of teen boy dramas friends have experienced.

My two (DD15 and DS12) are very different but I'm not sure how much of that is simply down to first and second child.

Neither of them really subscribe to gender stereotypes.

DD isn't all that girly. She doesn't regularly wear makeup and when she does it's a bit of mascara and clear lipgloss. She's most often seen wearing leggings and a football shirt. She is obsessed with footie (watching not playing) and regularly goes to matches with her dad. She doesn't do hugs, is very organised and the more helpful of the two. She is more a follow the crowd type of person.

DS could not give a crap about football apart from playing the occasional game on FIFA, isn't boisterous or into traditional 'boy' games. He prefers drawing and non-team activities (I am watching his kickboxing class as I type). He is comfortable marching to the beat of his own drum and will speak out against injustice amongst his peers.

Boys have a massive surge in testosterone age 4 so need to be really active - so might be better to delay school for an August born boy.

Also boys need to be taught how to do standing up wees

Other than that it's just personality. Although some traits/ interests are more likely in boys of course it's not set in stone. Good thing about having girl and boy is they get exposed to both. Bad thing is might accidentally get stronger boy to do things as is stronger so girl ends up not developing those skills or doing boring stuff

Boys don't have a surge of testosterone until puberty. The source for that claim just comes from a parenting book.

As a childminder and nursery teacher I'd say no, they don't come in with those gender traits and there isn't any clear difference along gender lines with under 3s. There are just as many noisy active girls as quiet imaginative boys, there's no gender differences in aggressive behaviour.
The main difference is how parents (and some mostly older staff) talk about and interpret the children's behaviour, "oh he's such a boy" etc.

By preschool/reception age there's more obvious differences as the effects of socialisation are more obvious - children become more sensitive to adult expectations and approval and try to fit in with peers.
It's interesting that autistic children often don't behave in typical gendered ways as they are less susceptible to social conditioning.

We tried to be very gender neutral with our kids - greens and yellows. First was a boy and second was a girl.

No matter how hard we tried not to push cars on the boy and dolls on the girl (I didn’t buy a Barbie until my daughter was 5 because she really wanted one!!) - they gravitated towards these gender stereotypes on their own. Once they went to school most the boys and girls have the same interests! Of course there are some overlaps (like Super Mario). But generally girls love the dresses, unicorns, kitties, rainbows while boys love cars and so on.

I have experienced large groups of mixed girls and boys and will deny that girls and boys have fundamentally different personalities. Done. What’s your argument now?

I have one of each. Both my kids loved trains, cars and teddy bears. My daughter never liked dolls. My son's favourite toy with a little pram that he'd take everywhere (with his teddy as passenger).

You even have agreed yourself that this isn't always the case.

I started teaching in 1985 so have quite a bit of experience of large groups of mixed girls and boys. Interesting that in Nurseries there is far less gender stereotyping, which does add weight to the argument there is a whole lot of nurture rather than nature bringing about these differences.

I've both a boy and girls and my experience is that my boy is more impulsive with huge amounts of energy to burn and always found it difficult to sit still for long. He still has huge amounts of energy and if he has to sit still, he also has to do something physical like tap something or clap his hands or make some kind of noise

Yet, that description is 100% my dd2.

It is so much down to the nature of each individual child, and very little to do with if they are a boy or a girl.

Agreed.

As an add on to the peeing thing:

Boys don't always need to be wiped during a nappy change (if it's pee only)

Girls need to be wiped every time, pee or poop