Key differences between having a boy vs a girl

[Eqei]

Just found out we’re having a girl 🙏🏽 and we already have a wonderful toddler boy..

I come from a mixed family, my husband does not. And I really want to prepare him (he’s asked too!) on what the key differences are between having boys and girls.

we’re honestly so blessed to be being getting one of each, never thought it would happen for us (we have had a real challenge with fertility and pregnancies).

would love to hear from you all on what you think are the key tips, differences and anything relevant!

Can’t wait for the supporting evidence that girls have “more hormones” than boys 🙄

It’s such a negative stereotype. Both sexes have hormones and they’re responsible for things as diverse as stress, appetite, and bladder control (being able to stop bed wetting).

This kind of pseudoscientific bollocks is really damaging.

Honestly - I have one of each and I really can't think of any differences based on their sex. The only differences are due to their personalities. DD is more like her dad - very confident, sporty and outgoing. DS is more like my side of the family (poor boy) - quiet, shy and more anxious.
I suppose the only sex based difference is that DD started puberty years earlier than DS.

Me too - my son absolutely loves days out with me or going to a cafe for a chat and a cake. I don't understand why that's seen as a mummy and daughter thing.

My DD is 18 and DS is 16.

Some of the gender stereotypes have rung true. DD has had more friendship dramas, very into her looks and very organised . DS OTOH is chilled out, never falls out with people and struggles to organise himself or couldn't care what he wears. But ,I don't know how much of it is societal expectations.

As babies the differences were determined by their personalities. DD was more demanding and still is in some ways. DS was very chilled out and easy going. Nothing has changed.

There’s a great book by Harvard biologist Anne Fausto-Stirling called Myths of Gender: Biological Theories about Women and Men.

The first chapter is about children. She examines some of the science that’s contributed to our foundational ideas about differences between girls and boys. It’s a fascinating read.

The best (easier) book I read on early years child rearing (boys or girls!) was Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhart. The title is a bit mushy but it’s all about the crucial role of cortisol and the how the parental management of it helps to form a child’s character (e.g. whether they are secure or anxious, can handle their emotions effectively and empathise with others, etc).

DS is much more loving and demonstrative than DD who hates hugs etc.

We have both in our family (I only have a DD) the girls are quite aggressive and competitive, the boys are quite chilled out. 🤷🏽‍♀️

DD likes nail polish and ride on diggers. Likes wearing headbands and needs an extraordinary amount of exercise to be happy and well behaved (currently she’s into boxing) Incapable of keeping clean, usually comes home covered in mud with twigs in her pockets. She’s also well spoken, ahead at school, polite and loves a party dress.

A lot of who they are is down to personality. They are often socialised differently but if you put no expectations on her she’ll grow up just being herself. She may be very girly she may not, but like the rest of us she’s most likely to have a mix of interests etc.

I wouldn’t over think it, theres nothing superior about like football over make up or vice versa, it’s just what you like. Rough play is important for both sex’s I think. DH does treat DD like she’s more fragile and he can veer towards indulgent but I’m working on that.

I have one of each. They are different in some ways, similar in others. None of that comes down to their sex though, they’re just different people. The biggest difference has been in the way some people have treated them. I remember one year, DD got Frozen merch for Christmas and DS got Star Wars and they just silently swapped them!

I've both a boy and girls and my experience is that my boy is more impulsive with huge amounts of energy to burn and always found it difficult to sit still for long. He still has huge amounts of energy and if he has to sit still, he also has to do something physical like tap something or clap his hands or make some kind of noise. My girls are calmer but the physical energy is replaced by incessant chatting 😆 I am an early years teacher and do find that there is no real difference between the girls and boys, although through the years I have noticed that the impulsivity seems to happen more in boys. Girls tend to have repeated friendship issues and love/hate relationships with other girls that can go on for years. Ultimately these are just observation, all children are different and yet should be treated with the same:

1.Unconditional love

1. Firm, consistent boundaries

While there are no real differences in childhood between boys and girls (other than physical of course) I do believe that there are certain characteristics which are associated with the sex, but they don't really come to the fore until adolescence/adulthood.

A lot of it seems to be personality rather than boy or girl.

Little girls often seem to have a higher pain threshold than Little boys.

I don't have a boy, just one DD so far so not sure if this happens the other way round but strangers will assume your baby DD is a boy. I could have her dressed in a pink top, grey leggings but because the leggings had blue flowers on people assumed she was a boy. Same happened to my friend with a DD who, when she said to a man "Oh she's a girl actually" about her 6 month old, the man replied "Oh, why does she have short hair then?"😂 It never bothered me but was just so prevalent!

Agreed.

There do seem to be more ' friend issues' with the girl tweens and in our family trends and fashion were more a female interest but that might have just been us. Baby and toddler wise the differences are to do with personality, physical development and position in family rather than gender.

I've got twins- one of each. It was interesting to see how they developed.
My girl was easily entertained by herself, playing with toys. My boy bored of that quickly and needed me there too. He was also the one that dared to push the boundaries earlier as a wee toddler - but then he also walked first (only about 3 months earlier than girl) so could be that he was exploring how much he could do for both of them!

It might have been just their personalities too- nurture versus nature.

Girl was very girly - I'm not! But is now a kind of teen emo. So has always followed her path!
Interestingly girl developed curiosity and bravery (?) as they grew and was always the one to try the highest slide first before boy.

You have more clothes choices with a girl

I am surprised that so many are saying there is no difference. As a teacher of children between the ages 4-8 year olds, there is a clear difference. And yes it's personality, a boys personality and girls personality are often (not always) different. In a class of thirty, the boys are mostly (not always) the most energetic and hyperactive. The girls are mostly (not always) quieter and happy to be still and sit around colouring and reading with their friends. The boys want to play games, sports, fighting. Anyone who denies this difference hasn't experienced a large group of mixed boys and girls!

This is probably biggest difference tbh. I had two boys and thought I had nappies down but it can be much more fiddly with girls. I found skin more sensitive with girls too. Flannels and warm water much better than wipes.

I have an adult dd and a teen ds.

My basic parenting style is the same. But there are things to be aware of because boys and girls are treated so differently and socialised differently.

But it was the same basics. Listen to them, ensure they have a safe space to share their feelings and worries. Make sure they know you will help and support them when they need it. Even when they do something bad. That doesn’t mean pretending they are never wrong.

On a practical level, puberty is different. Ds obviously doesn’t need advice on periods, doesn’t need to make sure he has emergency period products. But did need help on shaving his face etc. They have individual challenges based on personality. But also based on societies expectations of each sex. Being aware that dd, by virtue of being female will have pressure to be kind to people over her own feelings. Being aware ds will be expected to not show he has feelings are examples. But again, just dealt with those as they came up. Treat them as individuals whilst being aware of challenges they will both face based on sex.

neither of mine have been nightmare teens. The kids are close to each other and to me. Their Dad isn’t around anymore. Travelling in Europe in a camper van as they no longer wanted to see him. So both are very close to me and my Dp. We all spend a lot of quality together.

I often think I am incredibly lucky. We have great relationships. I imagine that the relationships we have is as much about luck as it is parenting

Yes but all you have described has been shown to be the result of upbringing not nature

When little girls are dressed as boys they are seen as boisterous and energetic in a way that they are not when they are dressed as girls

You see what you expect and react accordingly ( you would show surprise if a girl acted how the boys act which would tell her it's not ok ) which reinforces the behaviours

You don't do it on purpose - it's hard to break out of the training / nurture we all recieved ourselves as children especially when your years of experience reinforce everything you know !

Those of you that have one of each, close together, how did you find their bond? It’ll be a 2 year gap here and I’m excited to see how they develop their relationship - I have a brother but our age gap is big, he’s my best friend.

See DD’s teacher told me that DD can’t be arsed to do colouring and gets it over with as quickly as possible to go do something else (so obviously done badly). Also noted as extremely active and energetic and needs opportunities to burn off her energy. She also eats like it’s her job. Also likes to yell “cannonball” and run into us. The first toys she chose were toy trucks. She’s been described as being like a boy a few times (DH usually covers this by glaring at people and pointing out that she is very much a girl being a girl).

I really don’t think you can have expectations before they are born about how they will be. The fewer expectations the better for your children whether they are boys or girls, they will show you how they are if you leave them be. Some boys hate football and like to read quietly some girls are chaos on legs. They are who they are.

But they should all be jumping in puddles and climbing and rolling around on the floor.

I have a brother that’s just less than 3 years older than me. We were close as kids. Not anymore.

My kids have 6 year age gap. (One adult one teen) and are still very close.

Anecdotally girls tend to potty train earlier and easier so maybe watch for that. A friend's little girl got really frustrated her DPs were 'leaving it' because her elder brother was really difficult and late with potty training. And the boy's peeing in the air! Comes more as a surprise if the girl was first.

I only have 2 girls so I can't actually speak from experience, but the difference is very noticeable at parties.

I have held whole class parties when my eldest turned 4,5,6.

The boys are far more boisterous, jumping on top of everyone, pushing each other etc, whereas the girls always seem far more well behaved and gentle. Obviously that doesn't apply to all of them, but it did apply to the majority.

Also, actually I would say all the little girls I know do have tantrums and meltdowns whereas I hadn't seen that as much with the boys