Ex to still have kids on his weekend if kids sick?

[thistiredmummy]

AIBU to expect that my ex still has our 2 kids (4 & 2) on his weekend if one of them is unwell?

Eldest has come out in chickenpox today and it’s his weekend, youngest has already had them so not expecting them to get it. Eldest has said she still wants to go to her dads. But her dad lives with his mum who recently turned 64 and is concerned about the risk of shingles to over 65s so they have said no. But has said he would still like to pop over and see them sporadically this weekend and if I say no I’m stopping him from seeing the kids. I think that if he has decided not to have them then it becomes my weekend and surely if she is not allowed there because of the risk then it’s not much different to him coming to see her and then going back. We have recently experienced this too when my youngest was getting over a sickness bug so not the first occurrence

Yeah he doesn't get to say he won't have the kids but then come to visit when he pleases. He is taking the piss.

Him saying he won’t have them due to the risk to his mum is reasonable but then he doesn’t get to see them at yours. He should have still had them with a sickness bug though. That’s not a notifiable illness.

He can’t have it both ways.

I can't comment on whether he should have the sick child but -
you cannot catch shingles from someone with chickenpox.

Another fucking shit dad opting out of parenting. World is full of them.

Have you gone back and said that you can't catch shingles from a child with chickenpox?

You cant catch shingles from chicken pox. You can catch chicken pox from shingles

Absolutely wouldn't be having by time dictated by him deciding if and when he might 'pop in' however if my dc are unwell I tend to rather them stay home with me.

She could catch chicken pox, if she hasn't had it before, but not shingles

A person cannot get shingles from a person that has shingles. However, the virus that causes chickenpox and shingles can be spread from a person with active shingles to a person who has never had chickenpox or the chickenpox vaccine. The person exposed to the virus would develop chickenpox, not shingles.

Shingles happens after you have chicken pox not as a result of re infection.

He can say no to a visit but yeh sporadic visit is out of order. It’s up to him whether to modify contact or miss it this week.

My ex didn’t take the kids when they were ill because he didn’t live locally and yeh car ride itself might make them sicker but I know exes who take child to their house and lets them chill there

How pathetic
crack on with your own weekend plans OP

Actually, exposure to a child with chickenpox can reduce your likelihood of developing shingles (which is a reactivation of dormant varicella zoster virus - the virus responsible for chickenpox). So if anything, it would be doing his mum a favour. ;-)
Adult exposure to chickenpox linked to lower risk of shingles - BMJ Group

So if one of the kids fell sick when with him, would he not be sending them back then? Dont think so

I didn’t realise that you couldn’t get shingles from chicken pox - his mum works for the NHS with nurses so assumed she knew. I’ve informed him and waiting to hear back.

if she had said she wanted to stay at home then I’d have discussed other arrangements but she wants to go. I must admit I’m also on my knees from being understaffed at work at the busiest time with looming deadlines so desperate for a good nights sleep and to catch up on housework/pull some overtime which is adding to my frustration

Very true! This is actually what I said to him last time about the sickness bug

As others have said, you can't get shingles from chickenpox.

Perosnally, yes, I think it's his time, so he should have the child, sick and all. I'm sure lots of people can and would be flexible, but I'd say that flexible is a benefit, not a right.

Also, I don't know your relationship but I 100% would be telling him to F* off at th eidea that you'll do the heavy lifting while he pops in to see them. Either he's in it, or he's not.

I think it's sensible with sickness bugs for the cold to stay where they are, irrespective of which parent it is, and whose weekend, because it's so contagious, and there's no point exposing anyone if it can be avoided.

If the chicken pox isn't actually a risk, he's being daft. If it is, then I run it depends on how significant the risk is.

I think with a sickness bug it's fair enough actually. I wouldn't make a vomiting child get out of bed/off the sofa and into a car, and I'd see no reason to spread the bug further. Although I take the point that he'd send them back to you with a bug.

It doesn't seem like there's any legitimate reason for him not to take them with chickenpox though.

Part and parcel of young kids

This..... no reason for him not to have them. He either stays away full stop or takes them.

I think he should be careful near his mum if she hasn't had chicken pox and I would not want to leave my child if they were unwell.

I’m surprised by most of these replies.

I think he sounds like a decent parent and son.

Its not his home and if his mum doesn’t want the kids there when they’re unwell then there’s not a lot he can do.

I think he’s being decent by wanting to see them still and it sounds like his kids want to see him too.

If it’s no good for you or you don’t want him in your home then say no but I personally would get him to watch the kids whilst I did my own thing.

Personally I wouldn't be expecting my sick child to go to another parents house no - clearly one he shares with other adults and so isn't his own home and the children don't have their own space/ class it as their home either

Feels a bit tit for tat personally