Ex to still have kids on his weekend if kids sick?

[thistiredmummy]

AIBU to expect that my ex still has our 2 kids (4 & 2) on his weekend if one of them is unwell?

Eldest has come out in chickenpox today and it’s his weekend, youngest has already had them so not expecting them to get it. Eldest has said she still wants to go to her dads. But her dad lives with his mum who recently turned 64 and is concerned about the risk of shingles to over 65s so they have said no. But has said he would still like to pop over and see them sporadically this weekend and if I say no I’m stopping him from seeing the kids. I think that if he has decided not to have them then it becomes my weekend and surely if she is not allowed there because of the risk then it’s not much different to him coming to see her and then going back. We have recently experienced this too when my youngest was getting over a sickness bug so not the first occurrence

Tell him you understand re his mum( it's her house anyway, so what she says goes) but that as it's his weekend you'd arranged to work so he can come 9-5 Saturday and Sunday. No sporadic dropping in, he just needs to turn up at the agreed times. Or suggest he stays over while you take yourself off to stay somewhere else, so you can catch up on sleep.

You can't catch shingles from someone with chicken pox 🙄 if little one is not feeling too poorly and wants to go to her dad's, there's no reason for him not to have them.

I feel so sorry for your child. If I was sick I'd want to stay at home in my own bed. The child seems to have picked up on it being your kids free weekend and so probably that's why they say they want to go to see their dad. I would keep your child at home.

That’s a rude assumption to make, I’d never force one of my children to go stay somewhere if they felt unwell. The only reason it came up with her was because she asked if she was going to her nanny’s this weekend and I said no because she’s unwell, no further details given. Regardless of what’s going on via messages I don’t badmouth her dad or his mum in front of my child full stop. And she said she wanted to go because she missed her nanny.

I don’t have help from anyone else as the agreement was I’d stay local to their dad, which is several hours away from my family so they could see him more often than if I had moved back near my family and been able to have more frequent help, help with juggling childcare and pick ups when I’m working etc but I made the decision to do it completely on my own other than 2 days a fortnight to put my children first. So they could spend more time with their dad above me having proper support. So yes, to lose that weekend and have 26 days on my own before a 2 day ‘break’ at the same time I’m doing a 1.5fte job on my own in part time hours as the full time person left and hasn’t been replaced in what was a 2 person department and now consists of entirely me for nearly a year at an insanely busy time is hard. I’m only human and sometimes need someone to actually help. Him coming to mine doesn’t help as our youngest won’t go to him if I’m here. So perhaps you should remember you don’t know the full story before you say you feel sorry for my child.

he would still like to pop over and see them sporadically this weekend and if I say no I’m stopping him from seeing the kids

For this alone I'd insist on keeping to his weekend, wouldn't want to come between him and his children.

My kids weren’t sick with chicken pox just spotty so doesn’t mean she’s feeling rubbish at all. I’d keep mine if they were really unwell but if it was mine they’d still have gone or dad would have swapped weekends with me.

My ex did this to me just before Xmas when I had Covid. I'm still so upset
About it.

He could take them out all day to parks if it suits you and your child is well enough.

Or

He could book a hotel for the weekend and take kids to stay with him there

Or

He could put his mum in a hotel for a week

He could have the one that hasn’t got chickenpox. Has he offered that as an alternative?

Then next weekend he could have the by now chicken pox free child.

Then back to normal alternate weekends from then on.

I don’t see why he should get away with a no child weekend. OK it means the OP misses out on her no child weekend next week, but the kids will have a parent all to themselves weekend to enjoy.

No this wasn’t offered, which I wouldn’t have minded because then I could focus on my eldest but my youngest only turned 2 last week and still requires a lot of attention as he can be very adventurous. We have discussed looking at ways he can spend more time with the younger one to improve their relationship and I can have more 1-1 time with my eldest which we both miss, yet this exact situation comes up where he would get time 1-1 with the younger one and they both can’t go. Even though he’s already had chickenpox (no idea how my eldest escaped it then) so would be unlikely to have it again. And for an extra side note, ex’s mum had no problem being around youngest when he had chicken pox around his birthday last year as she wanted to see him

Oh no, that’s so frustrating! It is upsetting… you’re not wanting them to keep to their weekend so you can go gallivanting around but so you can recover etc and not totally burn out

unfortunately he’s not the type to put his hand in his pocket and DD will most likely need to be at home tomorrow as even though she’s perky in herself her spots are very blistery.

I mean you do just get on with it as you haven’t got another choice but I do think he is capable of looking after his own children at home

Hoping that doesn’t come across like I don’t enjoy spending time with my children as I absolutely do! Just struggling to do it on my own all the time and need a little bit of time where I can get organised, prepped etc and a bit of sleep so I can have more patience with them