Totally sick of parenting with my husband

[TruthorDie]

I have toddler twins with my husband and parenting with him is driving me insane. He rarely finishes a task e.g. they eat a meal he’s reluctant to wipe their bibs off, when a nappy is changed then he’s been known to sometimes just leave the dirty nappy on the side. Wipes run out in the changing bag then he doesn’t replaced them. He’s upped his game since they were born but still lots of improvement is needed.

He doesn’t really want to talk about it whenever l try to raise it then he’s too tired / we are busy / can we talk about it at the weekend etc. Today he said he won’t talk to me about it as lm annoyed and l need to apologise for being angry?! Surely it’s a bit chicken and egg if he won’t talk about it or change so l get annoyed. He claims lm trying to “change the person he is” but to be fair lm not the biggest fan of taking a changing bag with me everywhere but appreciate l have to. I don’t want to clean mushed avocado off high chairs. But that’s just parenthood surely?! You need to take the rough with the smooth

We have no other children, we work a similar amount of paid hours per week -sometimes mine is longer if l can get extra hours.

No, l am totally the same. Regularly go to the gym, work 14 hours straight in a paid job, don’t have snot / dribble / miscellaneous food goo smeared on me etc! Going to Ibiza with the girls this summer, out every weekend, no plastic tat in my house. In reality lm chained to the washing machine as l do a minimum
of 2 wash loads a day, missed out on some work opportunities and the fattest l have ever ever been

Start sex and then get up and leave. Iron half a shirt. Give him a knife but not the fork

I'm in the same boat. Every time I ask my husband why he hasn't done X or Y he claims he didn't see it needed doing and if I would just tell him to do it then he would do it. No one tells me to empty the bins though I just do it?! 😭

yes, get on top, ride him hard, get off as soon as you're done and leave him unfinished

Is he trying? Does he look like hes trying to help when he does these half jobs?
My husband hasn't changed a nappy since my son was 7 weeks old - he did one a week for 7 weeks and then refused to do more as couldn't handle the mess. But I pick my battles because while I'm doing this he's running a very busy, very profitable business that I don't have the academic knowledge to run and we are working together to ensure we retire early with happy kids and a happy bank account.
Maybe a gentle chat about finishing tasks may be in order but I'd look toward his intention for this one. My DH is the same but just under a lot of pressure.

Maybe a gentle chat about finishing tasks may be in order but I'd look toward his intention for this one. My DH is the same but just under a lot of pressure.

oP said they work similar hours and earn similar amounts

I’d tell him, fine if we aren’t supposed to change anything about ourselves as parents, I will go to the gym every night this week. It will be much more fun than my half of the parenting plus finishing up whatever jobs you’ve taken on- putting the nappy you changed in the bin , cleaning the highchair after you’ve fed them. I’m angry because I do my share and half of yours, but apparently that’s unreasonable so I’m sure you won’t mind doing my share for an hour or two every night. Then go.

Sorry, I def didn't do my due diligence on this one! Should have been in bed hours ago :|

Very tempting @Codlingmoths
However my guess is that if you try the 'go to the gym every night to force him to pick up the slack' tactic, he will perceive this as you trying to punish & control him. He wont take that lying down, he'll hit back harder to make sure you dont get any ideas about inconveniencing him again.
He knows you'll crack before he does.

I'm sure parenthood hasn't changed you at all.

You always enjoyed cleaning smeared food off things and disposing of stinking nappies.

What a twat.

I'd be asking for relationship counselling.

And don't allow him to be one of those fucking men on here who simply can't because they've self diagnosed that they have ADHD.

If you hand him a plate of food, he'll just fetch his own cutlery and enjoy his meal.

Hand him a plate with raw peeled potatoes, uncooked meat, salad with the dirt still on etc.

Otherwise perfect 😂

No no no. Not even half a shirt. Please don’t tell me young women are still doing ironing for men… 🤦🏻‍♀️

I would be wondering here why she is washing his clothes and plating his food to start off with!

OP has two toddlers, not three. He can look after himself (own cooking and washing) whilst she looks after herself, and they can both look after the toddlers!

I have a similar thread on here OP. It's grim. I've been reading about weaponised incompetence and DARVO

This ^