How am I going to cope with a breastfed newborn and a 2 year old when my husband goes back to work?!

[Boymama12]

My 2 year old already requires a lot of attention and is a little jealous of our newborn and having big tantrums, then my newborn is feeding very very regularly. I'm super worried about how I'm going to cope entertaining my son and caring for my newborn when my husband returns to work on Monday.

Any tips welcome!

Playpen for when needs must!

Travelcot with toys for the two year old when needed, or for the newborn to keep the two year old off him - you'll manage, everyone does, it's just a bit rubbish for a while. If necessary move to mixed feeding for the newborn.

Congratulations on your newborn!

I know the weather is crap at the moment, but the lighter evenings are a blessing in terms of your tiredness levels and so on. And actually, very hot weather would be worse in some ways with young children.

The only way I got through this period was being out as much as possible, CBBeeies and accepting that I wasn't going to do anything other than care for two small human beings for a bit.

Try and plan something for each day, preferable that involves speaking to another adult.

There's a saying to describe winning at this stage of life, which is 'everyone fed, nobody dead' which is as good as you need to aim for for a bit.

Get your toddler to 'help' by bringing you things. Focus on baby's sleep routine so that you have 1:1 with toddler. Show them Daniel Tiger on bbc iplayer, when he gets frustrated having a new baby in the house. Have bags constantly ready to leave the house, as it will take up to an hour!! Wing it - you will surprise yourself how resourceful you can be ❤️

First step is to do as much toddler proofing as possible for when you have to leave them to their own devices during breastfeeding. I think you also need to accept that they'll watch more TV than you'd like.

🍓Playpen - sometimes to keep the newborn safe from the toddler.
🍓i had a basket next to where I always sat when feeing. In this we’re special toys and a book for when I was feeding to entertain toddler.
🍓lower expectations
🍓Reins for toddler when we were out so that if he wanted to walk he couldn’t run off.

It will be ok. There will be more crying but it will be ok. We used to go for 1 walk a day. With both in pushchair. It kept me sane

My friend had 4 under 5. She didnt cope. She just let everything go to shit and her husband had to clean up after work.p

You sound like a nice friend 😳

Travel cot or play pen with toys; as much TV as you want/need; meet ups with friends, family or other mums to give you adult company; break up the day into activities so include baking, some games, some learning activities, some crafts, trips out etc to keep you sane; nap when/if they do - and if you don’t get out of your jammies till midday some days that’s fine!

I remember those days well - no family to help out, we’d just moved to a new area so knew no-one, the 2 year old was having lots of tantrums, and he went into hospital for heart surgery the day after his second birthday 3 months after DC was born! Absolute Armageddon. Just keep telling yourself this too shall pass, and don’t place any expectations on yourself or the bambinos - and you will get through this 😊 Oh, and remember this is your job so your DH/P still needs to do his share of the housework etc

Take them out to places and groups that will entertain your toddler. Will he be going to nursery any days? If not definitely look into it as you'll need some days when you’ll just be able to focus on your baby, as the days your toddler is home you’ll be focussing on him. I’m on mat leave at the moment and have a 3 year old and this has made my life a lot easier!

I had my DS when my DD was 22 months old and it was really really difficult. She wasnt eligible for nursery until he was 5 months old either 😭

I barely coped, felt suicidal at some points. There were definetly good days but the lack of sleep +a toddler who didnt nap was exhausting

Tiring out your toddler /keeping them busy will be a life saver. My dd hated the baby at first until I started really bigging her up to the baby "look baby, look how nicely dd is sitting, you'll be able to do that when your a big boy" depending on the need depending on who i saw to firt would make sure I said to baby just hold on DD needs help with this first ect

It will be okay, it's hard but its doable, if you have any other support I'd use that too x

You'll manage. A 2 year age gap is one of the most common. Encouraging the toddler to help.yoo look after baby Have snuggle and story time while feeding baby.

I actually quite like the honesty of that.

All the advice I have to offer is to pay attention to what you're doing. For example, I had an 18m old, changed his nappy, off he toddled. I then changed my newborn, set him on his feet and he did not toddle.

This was the day after he was born, not long after 18m had been introduced to his brother (DC1 graciously shared his board book by throwing it at newborn and giving him a black eye...it happened so quickly!).

Then DH went back to work hours after my home birth so I was a bit 🙃 to be fair!

I had two under 18 months, breastfeeding is easier as it gives you flexibility and you can feed anywhere, go out with the eldest to the playground and breastfeed in a bench. My Youngest just tagged along for the first six months. Make sure they bothbhave a good afternoon nap to give yourself a breather

Congrats!

Get toddler involved even with nursing. Maybe they can "read" to baby and show baby all his coolly toys. And show him the home and his room. He can help with bath times and nappy changes and telling stories to baby.

Baby wear, baby wear, baby wear. And After some time and baby is a bit bigger you can master babywearing and breastfeeding. Hands free for the toddler. After 6 months I started to back wear with a Woven wrap. It was a game changer for really getting jobs done. Baby can nap and be close and are entertained. My DS loved being carried on my back until I got pregnant he was 2. Snd he mastered the skill of being able to read his books while on my back 😂

I had 0 help. Just me and DH. No friend or family local or near at all. It really sucks. But once your get the hang of things you will feel invincible. Bad days will happen! But it will get better.

I agree with @SuperGinger keeping 1 solid nap is important. Might not happen everyday but it will be a life saver.

A lovely lady called Hey Shayla on YT has some very nice and relatable videos.

Get dad to make yourself and toddler packed lunches and pre prepped snacks for the fridge so you don't have to worry about that meal time and also pack baby bag the night before.

Big walk after a feed in the morning timed to come just before lunch.

Plan an activity each day that you and toddler can do at the table or in the garden where you don't have to move much, mine liked the big trays you can get like nursery have, fill it with Play sand, water and bubbles or playdough after lunch or nap time.

If you join some childminding groups on FB or Insta they have daily ideas that are great for when your brain is fried!

I had my DD2 when DD1 was 21months old and the best thing I ever did was tandem breastfeed them. Ihadn't planned on it but it made things so much easier, DD1 was never jealous and I didn't have to entertain her while I fed DD2 as she either fed as well or if not it was her choice so she would happily play. It took a big of juggling to work out positioning but once I had that sorted it was fine.

I also started allowing her to watch TV, not constantly but she didn't really ever watch it before then, that helped save my sanity at points when I needed it. Also getting out with friends or to baby groups that aren't overly structured classes was good. Like the kind of free-play toddler groups. I found it easier to relax with the baby at these whilst the toddler played and felt more like my own person getting to chat to. The other mums.

Is your 2 year old always at home or does he go to nursery some days?

I have a 2 year old (soon to be 3) and a 10 week old but toddler is in nursery 3 days a week which is a godsend. And there's absolutely no way she'd go in a playpen at this age!!!

The other days when DH is at work it's so much easier being out than at home. Baby in pram or carrier, and take toddler to park/picnic in the woods etc if it ever stops raining, or indoor playgroups which are usually quite cheap.

Obv avoid going to those huge soft plays where you always have to climb in with them but see if you have any gymnastic clubs near you that often have open soft play style sessions which are all on the floor and don't involve climbing up things, they are so good and perfect if you have baby in carrier as you don't have to do too much.

If you have to stay home then do a raid of The Works or Hobbycraft or even FB marketplace for cheap crafty things, sticker books, anything that will keep them entertained for a bit. We have a conservatory where all this crap lives and we leave some stuff out for toddler to go wild with, minimal supervision needed.

But also I do tend to resort to some TV time as needed, it's not the end of the world!

For me the biggest stress is trying to get ready with no one else to look after the kids (most of MN seem to be able to get ready in 5 mins with 30 second showers but that's definitely not me) so I make sure I get up, showered and presentable before DH leaves. The odd times I've stayed in pj's most of the day I just feel horrendous, I'm not saying it's a bad thing to do at all but it makes a massive difference to how I feel that day.

Other stuff you can do when toddler is in bed and DH is back- make sure house is toddlerproof, prep meals for next day, clean enough to make sure you aren't mentally overwhelmed with how much there is to do. Before #2 came along I made sure we'd decluttered the house as much as possible and that absolutely everything has a home so that I can just chuck it in at the end of the day. Things like don't have more clothes than wardrobe space (this used to prevent me putting laundry away so it would just stay on the drying racks or in baskets for ages, so I did a huge clearout and was ruthless). OK there's a couple of big boxes of 'stuff' in the garage that I need to sort one day but it's not important right now and doesn't need to be out.

A sling. Learn to breastfeed in it.
A playpen/somewhere safe to leave 2 year old when you have to.
Nappy and other shit in caddies upstairs downstairs
Bouncer/moses basket somewhere safe to put baby upstairs and downstairs.
Double pushchair.

I have similar age gap. My husband is military. Managed 4 weeks at home with DS2 until he was deployed for 6 weeks.

Bedtime I tried to feed baby just before toddlers bedtime so they would sleep then do toddler. Or baby went in bouncer (we had a baby Bjorn one) and I read and snuggled toddler. Ir baby went in sling. He lived in sling for about 3 months

I also continued to go the the groups I went to with DS1 which was a lifesaver for getting out the house.

As many toddler groups as you can. Keeps your toddler occupied. Hopefully another adult can step in if necessary. You can feed baby as much as necessary. You may even get a hot drink if you're lucky 😁

Oh I forgot tips on jealousy:

• if toddler wants your attention, actually say out loud to the baby 'wait one minute your brother needs me' because this makes your toddler feel like they are still a priority (because you'll often be saying it the other way round and this will make toddler feel left out). Obv not while baby is crying but when they're calm or asleep.

• get toddler involved as much as poss with the baby. Things like passing you a clean nappy, or asking them to choose which sleepsuit baby should go in, pretend you need help pushing the pram, etc. It makes them feel important and valued.

• just always reinforcing the importance of family and being a team. We always tell toddler stories about being a family of four, getting lost in the woods and helping each other out, etc. When I grew up my parents never really taught my siblings and I to look out for each other and as a result we didn't see each other as friends or playmates, just annoyances and rivals for affection. I'm determined not to do the same with my kids.

This is a tiny thing but I told my toddler I needed someone to hand me my towel from the rack. She would wait outside the shower while I took a 30 sec shower and proudly hand the towel in when I asked for it. She felt important and newborn was safe in cot.

Feed in the sling, try to get it and about like normal and much as you can and be very very glad that your newborn is currently still a newborn and but trying to crawl in the opposite direction to your 2yo 😃. Seriously, it was 6-12 months down the line that makes me shudder looking back!