Baby boy

[AKmama]

i have a 2 year old daughter and a 7month old son. My daughter was a happy, chill, an easy baby to be around. I miss those days. She would play by herself, no problem. Also, a great eater. Not picky. Sleep trained my daughter at 6.5 months and she did very well with it.

My son, since day one has been a clingy baby. And is really only happy when he’s in my arms or my husbands arms. He will tolerate being on the floor for a few minutes, but then has a huge meltdown. It seems as though he is rarely happy when “by himself”. I’ve been trying to sleep train him and he will cry for an hour and a half until I come and get him. He also is very picky at 7 months. He would much rather just nurse all day then eat solids. He also loves to just scream and that really puts me over the edge.

Has anyone had a similar situation? Please tell me it gets better. My patience is being zapped and tapped away by my son. Thankfully my daughter has been great even when I feel like il failing her.

Sorry but saying you can’t do basic things with a baby that is ‘clingy’ is not true. You find ways around it, can you have an hours bath..probably not but you can shower. You just set them up in the bathroom whether that be in a chair or on a mat. There have been many times I’ve gone to the toilet literally holding him and then placed him in the bath mat so I could sort myself out…you just do what needs doing.

So many judgemental comments. Some mums are happy carrying their babies all day long and co-slerping, but not all. The term velcro baby exists for a reason and it can be totally draining.

I don't think the OP left her baby to cry unattended for 90min necessarily, it just read like it took that long for him to get to sleep with presumably repeated visits from mum.
I can't imagine anyone leaving the baby actually crying alone for 1h30.

Rather than leaving your baby to cry for sleep training, have you tried reading? For a long time? Like reading for 40 minutes. It's half the time, much less stressful and does tend to send babies to sleep.

You're obviously at the end of your tether and looking for solutions. My daughter was like your independent daughter but became clingy when I stopped work. I felt a bad mum for not taking her to nursery as it seemed like regression! Have you tried a morning or two at nursery for starters? That may encourage your baby to develop independent play skills and give you time to recover.

I feel your frustrations ❤️ I think the best thing to do would be to change your expectations and stop comparing your two children as they are all so different. My two were the other way around to yours, I couldn’t understand why DD2 wasn’t crying constantly 😂
Try to accept your DS for the baby that he is and relax. He won’t be like this forever x

No I couldn’t as he would literally scream and according to this thread it’s bad practice to let a baby scream. So yes I had to let him scream while I went to the loo but could I face doing that for slightly longer every day so that I could have a shower nope it wasn’t worth it
so let’s all judge mums who are struggling and make them feel worse about themselves

Has anyone said never let a baby scream? No. People are pointing out that leaving a baby to scream for 90 minutes is not ok.

But the OP isn’t leaving her baby to quickly make a cup of tea or brush her teeth or get dressed. She’s “sleep training” him by leaving him alone for 90 minutes to scream and cry. Which by most people’s measure is unnecessarily cruel.

Sorry OP but I hate how this thread is titled ‘Baby Boy’ and then you have spent most of your post despairing of your child, as if he would have been an ‘easier’ baby if he was a girl. Poor baby. I hope you don’t let this attitude show as he gets older.

I have two adorable boys. The first acted exactly like yours and was attached to me constantly until he was about 8 months old, I couldn’t leave him with someone else even just to go the toilet without him crying. As a PP says, it does get easier when they are mobile and easier again when they can talk, so you may be nearly out of this phase.

My second is the complete opposite, will happily be put down on his play mat whilst I do jobs, shower etc, doesn’t mind other people holding him. So it’s absolutely nothing to do with him being a boy. I do sympathise as like I said, my oldest was the same as yours; but seriously boys get enough negativity on here with all the gender disappointment threads when it’s a boy, breaks my heart.

I tell my 5 year old she tricked me into thinking babies were fairly easy as at the time I thought she was hard as she was my first, but then I had my second and wow she is a whole other level! It does get easier but my second is definitely more of a handful at all stages than my first. I do enjoy her more now and I feel sad that I didn’t get to enjoy her as a baby as much partly due to Covid and partly as she couldn’t even go outside without screaming as even wind on her face set her off. She is hard work but definitely a mummy’s girl and makes me laugh as a big personality!

It's nothing to do with him being a boy, it's just the way he is.

My 2nd baby was identical to yours, a complete limpet until she started to walk. But always far more anxious. She's now 20 - and remained anxious throughout her childhood. It was just her nature. She was also a little more fussy and certain foods/textures she couldn't tolerate despite my best attempts (rice/mash etc). But that was her body's defence mechanism - she had a strong gag reflex and would just vomit if you tried anything she didn't 'like' or rather, couldn't tolerate.

No baby is same. Xx

It’s not about judging anyone but I just think some people expect motherhood to be this easy breazy walk in the part then get annoyed when it’s not. It’s hard work, you just have to do the work.

Babies can be hard work and if you need a break, leave him to cry. As long as you know he is safe, fed and clean there is no problem with taking a break. All babies are different. All parents are different. Do what works for you, and when it isn't working for you, change it up. Not unusual for girls to be more independent than boys either x

This is so sad and so misguided. All babies are different. It's not so easy as boys and girls. My girl was clingy; my boy less so.

You need to meet each baby's needs.

He also loves to just scream - this is nonsense. No babies love to scream, it's how he is communicating with you. You should know this.

Leaving him to cry for over an hour is really extreme. You’ll be making his need for you much worse, not better. Just hold him

Feed him on demand, give him what he needs. It’s not about your expectations it’s about him

Leaving him to cry that long is going to make it worse! The way they grow out of that is to feel securely attached to you. My baby had reflux and she wouldn’t be put down. Might be worth checking if there’s any underlying issues. I had to hold her for most naps too or she’d just wake up. She did sleep better at night but getting her to sleep was a struggle!

As lots of PP have said, the sling is your friend. Also, when I really needed to get stuff done I sat her in her mamas and papas chair with the toys, and I put on either dancing fruits when she was younger or ms Rachel when she was around 7 months.

if it helps mine is now 14 months and she’s a social butterfly. She’s secure when I’m there and she goes off and plays away from me. But I don’t believe you get there by trying to force them away from you, you get there by giving them what they need.

I created an account just to come here and say my kids are exactly the same!! First was always super chill, sleep trained really easily and has been a great sleeper ever since, quite happy to play on his own, whereas my second who is 7 months is the total opposite, cries at the smallest things, doesn’t like to be put down even for me to go and get a bottle or a nappy, terrible sleeper, always wants to be in bed with us. I’ve tried a bit of sleep training with my second too and she completely rejected it.
Theres a lot of comments here that I don’t agree with (each to their own I suppose) I just wanted to say you’re not alone, and you’re doing an amazing job and doing nothing wrong, and it will get better (here’s hoping for me as well 😂)

Your eldest sounds like she was a very easy going, placid baby. Your second sounds more usual. You were very, very lucky with your first.

Is he showing any signs of allergies? My daughter was exactly the same and we found out (through covid, so a long process) that she had a cows milk protein allergy which in turn was causing silent reflux. She was always so unsettled and clingy.
Similarly, both of mine settled better with their Dad which was incredibly frustrating at the time but I think it was because I ebf and they associated me with the goods and him with sleep 🤷🏻‍♀️

Honestly I feel you!! I’ve had 3, first 2 we’re perfect, slept through, no issues whatsoever. My baby age 2 is such hard work!! She’s sooo clingy and Whiney and if I’d of had her 1st I never would of had another!! I agree with what people have said, you can’t bend a baby to your will but sleep training, I’d suggest seeking support from your GP/ Heath visitor. You may need counselling if your finding it hard to cope with what sounds like a very demanding baby.

Mine was the same as a baby. When I gave up on the idea that there are ‘good sleepers’ and ‘bad sleepers’ and the idea that you can ‘train a baby’, things got a lot easier.

crying is communication. If my son cried and didn’t want to be put down, it was because he needed me.

It may seem counterintuitive, but just be there, answer his cries, cuddle him when he needs it, pick him up off the floor when he doesn’t want to be there. Ensuring a secure attachment will get rid of a lot of the ‘clinginess’- babies that have a secure attachment to their care givers , ones that they can rely on (ie those that don’t leave them crying and alone) will soon become confident individuals who feel comfortable exploring without their caregivers holding their hands.

I really recommend ‘the book you wish your parents read’. There’s even an audio book on Spotify. Written by a child psychiatrist and citing some really important reliable studies on child development. It definitely changed my perspective .

I think an hour and a half crying alone is too long. He’s only 7 months old.
he gets all nutrition he needs from milk still at that age (until 1) so he’s just exploring food and textures at this stage so just let him play with it.
babies are supposed to be held.

I have a 6 month old and it just makes me so sad to think of him being left to cry for 1.5 hours. He’s so young and just wants his mummy or daddy.