Baby boy

[AKmama]

i have a 2 year old daughter and a 7month old son. My daughter was a happy, chill, an easy baby to be around. I miss those days. She would play by herself, no problem. Also, a great eater. Not picky. Sleep trained my daughter at 6.5 months and she did very well with it.

My son, since day one has been a clingy baby. And is really only happy when he’s in my arms or my husbands arms. He will tolerate being on the floor for a few minutes, but then has a huge meltdown. It seems as though he is rarely happy when “by himself”. I’ve been trying to sleep train him and he will cry for an hour and a half until I come and get him. He also is very picky at 7 months. He would much rather just nurse all day then eat solids. He also loves to just scream and that really puts me over the edge.

Has anyone had a similar situation? Please tell me it gets better. My patience is being zapped and tapped away by my son. Thankfully my daughter has been great even when I feel like il failing her.

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You had an easy baby the first time but your DS just sounds like a normal 7 month old. He’s not a picky eater at 7 months, he’s just started eating food and is getting used to it. Please don’t leave him to cry for 1.5 hours.

Your poor baby! He’s perfectly normal and wants to build attachment with you. The best way to create independent children is to meet their needs as babies. Leaving him to cry for an hour and a half is beyond cruel.

An hour and a half is way to long to leave a baby crying. He just sounds like a normal baby to me. He just wants to be with you.
have you spoken to your GP or health visitor? Could you have PD OP?

Poor baby. An hour and a half is way to long to leave a baby cry! And as for food, he's only just starting to explore he's not eating yet. Stop comparing him to your daughter, he's being a normal 7 month old baby.

Leaving a baby to cry for an hour and a half is not ok! The eating is fine have you heard the old saying food before 1 is just for fun? its totally normal for them not to eat much, its all about learning new textures, tastes etc. He is getting what he needs from his milk. He sounds like a totally normal 7 month old learning about life it's all brand new to him. He will grow out of it so just try and enjoy the cuddles for now they don't last long! and fwiw my 7 month old who ate lots of different foods eats bugger all 8 years later and is the most fussy eater i have ever met.

Please don't leave your baby to cry for an hour and a half. It's so traumatic for them. I also had a velcro baby who wouldn't sleep. We just did contact or pram naps for the first year and co-slept at night. Once she reached a year old we tried very gentle sleep training (leaving for 3 mins max) and it worked well for us - we went from something like 20 night wakes to barely any! I wouldn't advise sleep training before at least a year though, they're just too young before that x

An hour and a half of crying before you see to him?? Poor child

All babies are different:
my eldest weaned early and well at 5-6 months, he still breastfed until he was 15 months. As a baby he wouldn’t sleep alone so we co-slept. He’s now 5 and still a pretty good eater and sleeps well alone.

my middle child slept well as a baby alone but now won’t sleep through the night unless my husband or I are in bed with her. She is a poor eater which I find very difficult. She’s 3. She also weaned circa 15-16 months.

the baby also wanted to co-sleep, and still does at almost 2. She was late to wean - just wasn’t interested in offerings, until circa 7 months - but is now the best eater of the lot, and I thought my son was good! She will try everything and eat pretty much anything. She still breastfeeds as well at nearly 2, on demand, some days this can feel like it’s constant, others it’s just to sleep at bedtime! At 6-7-8 months she would for sure still have breastfed over food though.

i physically could not leave my kids to cry it out. They’re only little for a little.

This is when people learn that babies arrive with their own characters and needs - many people who had an easy baby first time round think it’s in large part down to the things they did as parents. But you are learning that some children are just more relaxed and easy going than others, and will respond to what you do better.

You sound done in, it’s not easy. It’s not what you expected. But hopefully this thread has helped you stand back and just see this as a new child, new situation. It’s nothing to do with him being a boy. You are in a very hard stage but just do your best to love your way through it and you will survive - us mums can survive things we never thought possible, for our babies.

Your DS sounds like a normal baby. Your DD was normal too - there's a wide range of normal at this age! I think you need to adjust your expectations. You're blaming him for things that aren't his fault.

All children are different, regardless of girl / boy or first / 2nd born. My first was much clingier and more demanding, so how the second was, was a welcome surprise! But my BF had an easy one like you, followed by an absolute wild child (difficult in a different way to you - he would constantly run off or climb dangerous things). She found having a 2nd one much more of a shock!!

So not unusual, but unfortunately not much you can do! Except try and meet your new child's needs - he is a different person after all ❤And the clinginess won't last forever.

Like everybody else has said - ‘clingy’ babies are just well babies, just different personalities.
I’m in shock he cried for 90 minutes before you got him? Please remember he is just a baby and that leaving babies to cry raises their cortisol levels in their brain and actually causes damage to it.
He will not be clingy forever - obviously. I baby wear my 4 month old son all the time, I did the same with my daughter. They are very different babies, my daughter cried much more and was unsettled a lot - but she slept through at 9 weeks. My son? Chilled, ok to be left to play but wakes every 4 hours in night for milk, is what it is, no two children are the same, I understand that.

I know motherhood is tough, there isn’t anything you can do to stop the ‘clingyness’ he is your whole world, completely dependent on you. He needs you.

You left a 7 month old baby to cry for an hour and a half ??? Poor baby that's absolutely awful.

At 7 months old they are only just starting to wean and having small tastes of things they very rarely actually eat much if any of the food food before 1 is for fun breastmilk should still be the main source of nutrition stop comparing him to your daughter they are different people and it's not a secret you rarely get 2 children the same

What you've got to accept is that it's you that needs to change, not your baby.

I am not sure where to start with this but whatever you are doing, its not sleep training. I would start with that.

Some babies are more receptive to training than others. Yours may not be (when you actually do it properly - which you are not).

You adapt your parenting to the child, not vice versa.

Your son is not your daughter, he is his own person with his own likes, dislikes and needs.

He needs YOU.

He is a perfectly normal baby, It is NORMAL for them to want to be constantly held. It is NORMAL for them to wake up during the night. It is NORMAL for them to cry. It is NORMAL for them to fling food about.

You have some very harsh lessons coming to you unless you radically change your perception and parenting. And it is you that needs the harshness, not your baby.

Do you have any real life support? I am being generous here and hoping that you are just overwhelmed with it all.

The OP will not be back. But if you read this OP I really hope you reflect on the comments you have received here. Your poor baby. I held mine extra tight last night and thought of yours crying alone for an hour and a half waiting and nobody coming for him. I could cry at the thought.

Please don’t ever leave your baby to cry for an hour and a half again. That is absolutely shocking. Our children depend on us for love and reassurance and by leaving them for that long you gave neither. That is abuse. Use a sling in the day if you need to do things, that’s what I did. He is seven months old, he needs you, not to be left alone.

OP even those who believe in sleep training would see leaving a 7 month old to cry for 90 minutes as abusive.

Likewise he can't be picky - he's barely started on food. It's completely developmentally normal for him to get almost all his calories from milk. With food, he'll just be discovering new tastes and textures. If he spits most things out, that's fine, just continue to try again next time.

My suggestions would be get a sling, if you don't have one, so you can do what needs to be done. If you can afford it, therapy might help you to cope and develop realistic expectations.

Bit concerning at only 7 months you leave to cry for so long. If your trying to make him independent at such a young age I suggest he has felt it for a while and that's why he clings. My 3 youngest 2 and 3 never had problems with this but then again I wouldnt compare or want them to be independent until there ready to be. Had perfectly fine experiences with my older ones also.

I hope OP hasn’t been scared away.
yes I had a similar baby and only had the one so I don’t know how you’re coping with 2 kids.
people seem to be picking up on the fact that you let him cry for 90mins but I get it. They haven’t seen that you can’t even go to the toilet without a screaming baby, you can’t make food, can’t shower or meet any of your basic needs. I was beyond exhausted and not enjoying this motherhood malarkey, everybody else seemed to have a child who would nap in a cot, or even go to other people not that I had people to rely on. I couldn’t wear a sling due to a bad back caused by pregnancy/ labour and we tried them all, not that he liked them anyway.
so yes there was a day where my husband was at work and I left him to cry.
my little boy is now 5. He doesn’t have separation anxiety issues, he is just a loving little boy who still loves a cuddle but now plays by himself, he now goes to bed easily, still a picky eater so no help there!
my advice would be to reach out to people if you have them, I’m sure even an hour of not having to hold a baby so you can have a shower would feel like a spa day at this moment in time.

Same here! My daughter (now 4) has always been a terrible sleeper, even now. But has been perfect in every other way, plays independently and generally just a really easy baby.

My son is the total opposite, sleeps like a dream but is very needy. Whinges all of the time and hates being put down. He’s just turned 1 and is a lot better now tbf, still whinges a lot but I do get periods of time where he will sit and play. I think the turning point was going back to work, he’s come on soooo much since being away from me and with a childminder. It’s always been about me, never really moaned for anyone else but would start as soon as he saw me or heard my voice 😅

Leaving them to cry so they learn not to actually just teaches them that we won’t come when they do cry and it’s heartbreaking. We can’t teach ourselves not to cry it’s natural, we can only toughen up which is essentially what you’re teaching your kids to do from the very start of their lives. Each to their own I guess but i personally don’t think it helps, children grow out of needing us on their own we don’t need to teach it

people seem to be picking up on the fact that you let him cry for 90mins but I get it. They haven’t seen that you can’t even go to the toilet without a screaming baby, you can’t make food, can’t shower or meet any of your basic needs.

My DS is my third baby and I sometimes have to let him cry when I need to prioritise my other children or even occasional myself. Things like making lunch for my toddler or going to the toilet. These cannot always be helped and only last a few minutes. Leaving him for 90 minutes would be abusive and completely unnecessary.

Totally.

The fact that the thread was titled “Baby Boy” as opposed to anything else already speaks volumes about op’s attitude- presumably your DD was perfect and your boy is an annoyance. Unbelievable. He is 7 MONTHS OLD. You chose to have him. He didn’t ask to be here, so I suggest you find your compassion for your tiny non-mobile, non-verbal child. 90 mins crying alone? His nervous system will have been absolutely pushed to capacity, cortisol through the roof, and will have become dehydrated through the sheer exhaustion of his stress. No higher primate (think orangutans, gorillas etc) would leave their infant in that condition for so long, and neither should you. I cradled my DS to sleep until he was over 2 and carried him in a sling til my back almost gave out! He doesn’t need those things anymore because he naturally grew out of it, and is a wonderful kid.
Please educate yourself on attachment, give your DS a big cuddle, and fix your mindset.

Is this a wind up?

a baby can only communicate by crying..he doesn’t ‘love to scream’ as you put it. My baby is nearly 5 months and he also doesn’t like being alone but the thought of him being scared and upset breaks my heart rather than annoys me like it seems to do to you. He isn’t capable of rationalising whereas you are and you need to rationalise that he is a small baby an everything is new and scary. I am no perfect Mother but a lot of my time is spent holding, cuddling, nursing etc. for the posters saying you can’t go to the toilet, shower etc, yes you can you find ways around it. For example I put him in his bouncer in the bathroom whilst I shower, I have set up a play mat and sensory toys in the bedroom next to the dressing table for when I’m getting ready.

letting your baby cry for 90 minutes is just cruel. I once let mine cry for about 5 minutes when I was trying to get him used to his next to me crib and he got so upset he started spluttering and coughing. I just don’t get how people can do it. I’m