Ex threatening court please help

[Moongazer23]

My ex hasn’t seen his children since March when I let him to come for contact. He spent 15 minutes with them. My six year old hid from him crying when his dad walked in and his dad told him to stop being an idiot. For a couple of weeks before we split he was claiming mental health and refusing to come home. Tried to get him to get help and refused. Text me insinuating he was going to commit suicide and to tell the kids he was dead and not coming back. Then kept on texting asking if I’d told them. Obviously I didn’t.
Then it came to light he started a new relationship on the 10 days after we split. Which was a relief to say I was rid of him in that aspect.
he is awful with the kids. Emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. Eldest is seeing a therapist to help him and the therapist reported disclosures to social services who was happy with what I was doing and because no contact was currently happening they wasn’t getting involved but made it clear if there was contact they would get involved.
anyway he text two days again asking to see them next weekend to which I’ve said no and told him what the therapist has said and social services and offered supervised . He’s threatened to get legal advice.
but I don’t know if it possible to him to do so because. He is of no fixed address as such. He tells everyone he is living in a work vehicle. His post goes to a family members address in the same town as me despite him living and working 5 and half hours from where we are with his girlfriend. I know she lives in a council house with her kids so I’m guessing doesn’t want to declare that due to benefits etc.
so my question is could he get legal advice? Or if so would court grant any unsupervised contact and make my children travel 5 and a half hours each way given the way he is with them?
im sorry for the long post I’m really scared

He can get legal advice but......i don't honestly think he should expect the children to travel to him. Especially given his previous history. I would keep a record of any contact he has. Contact social services for advice. Good luck and the biggest of hugs to you all x

Anybody can get legal advice if they can pay. If he’s living in his work van then presumably he won’t have the money to go to court?

If he starts the process then contact Social Services for advice as it sounds like they think that contact would be detrimental.

@shellyleppard I don’t think he could prove his identity though really as all him photo Id is in my address. Plus he isn’t on any any electrol roll . The only thing he has is bank statements with an address he doesn’t stay at ☹️ I just want my kids to be safe and their behaviour has been so much better without him and are so much happier. I don’t want them to travel in a car that far with him as he speeds and has horrible road rage shouts and swears at people refuses to let people in lanes and will cause near misses as he won’t back down. He will even stop and get our cars to shout and threaten people it’s awful . Thankyou for replying x

@SonicTheHodgeheg I’m 100% he’s working as he’d go to work on weekend to escape being with the kids. He’s been trying to avoid CMS by not having a fixed address and changed jobs so they can’t find him. But I found out where hes working and gave CMS that employer and when he was messaging he told me he isn’t working and has left his job. I doubt it but I’m guessing if that’s true he could get legal aid?

Honestly..... I don't think he has a chance in hell of access for his little ones. Stay strong and get some advice and help from social services. They should keep the children's well being in mind x

Let him take legal advice. So when he goes "I'm going to sue you" say "ok I will wait hearing from your solicitor then bye" and communicate no further.

Chances are high he won't bother and if he does you have valid reason for wanting it supervised and professionals backing this up. he will initially be told supervised and likely asked to go on parenting courses..

He is going to bail at hard work

It doesn't sound like he would actually follow through and go to court but if he does they would consider all factors and make recommendations in the children's best interests. Try not to panic.

@shellyleppard I really hope not. He took his ex wife to court for his eldest and when she moved house. It meant that he had to travel an extra half an hour each way to pick up and drop off and he refused. It was only going to be an hour there and an hour back and he refused and she said well don’t see him then and he did and hasn’t for seven years now so I hope they take that into account

I told him that he is more than welcome to and my solicitor will be waiting for his solicitors letter . I hope he is bluffing

He won't get legal aid. It barely exists any more and he certainly won't get it for advice or assistance in fighting for contact. As other posters have said, just ignore him and speak to SS. Sounds like he's just trying to frighten you

@DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum I really hope not. My 1 year old can’t bare being in the car seat for half an hour never mind 5 hours. She doesn’t have a relationship with him as he never took an interest. She could even sit with him for half an hour if I snuck off for a shower she scream her self into a inconsolable mess

Don't panic OP. You have spoken to SS and they've also advised they'll get involved. You have a therapist who can write to support the position.
So I'd just say to him, sure please do go to court so we can get access organised properly and there will be no access until then. It's highly likely there would only be at best something like contact centre supervised contact by the sounds of it.
You should package up all his belongings including ID though and have it available for him to collect.

@Justcallmebebes he has succeeded into scaring me but I haven’t let him know that. He knows I’d do anything for my children he just uses them as a tool. They’re so much better off without him and his foul language and racial slurs

@Keepthosenamesgoing he does have them I made sure I packed them when he left

He can go to a solicitor for legal advise, he can pay the solicitor to send you letters saying you must do X,Y,Z - none of that matters if it hasn't been court ordered, they just send what they are paid to.

Going to court can work in your favour, don't be scared of it. Dont let him have face to face contact against social services advice. Get in touch with them for advice and get it in writing to use in court. Court can order contact at a contact centre which is supervised, they can order remote contact via zoom / teams etc as well as face to face contact.

Is it likely he actually wants to see the DC or is he just trying to annoy you?

@Singleandproud chances are it is to annoy me. He worked away the whole time we was together and home at weekends and never bothered with them just sat on his phone. Hardly spoke to them in the weeks and since we split only seen them once and not asked in three months till this week. Bit of a coincidence that he asked to see them Father’s Day weekend I dunno if it’s an ego boost or what

@Singleandproud and I mentioned earlier up that he does have a previous child who he took his ex to court for. Then couple years down the line refused to collect etc because they moved house and it ment he had to travel and hour each way instead of half an hour and not seen or tried to see in 7 years .

Then don't react, he and the gf probably broke up and he's trying to weasel his way back in. Don't give him face to face contact on Fathers day, offer to do it over zoom or whichever platform is suitable and do so in writing referencing the social services advice.

Morning X, unfortunately due to the advice given by social services you will not be able to see the children face to face on Y date. However they will be available for a Facetime call between 9am-10am instead.

Make the slot in the morning so it's over with so you aren't waiting around. The children are young so won't manage a full hour. I'd have a tablet set up on the floor or a low table so he can see them play Infront of it and talk to them whilst they do so and I would sit out of shot. Have something fun planned for them afterwards.

@Singleandproud I will offer but I’m guessing he won’t take the offer up on actual Father’s Day as he only offered my children the Friday. I don’t think his girlfriend even knew about the kids. I think he will be spending Father’s Day down there with her kids because I have a suspicion the baby is actually his baby. The whole timeline of events is all to close and if I’m wrong then the whole situation is a frankly very weird

OP, he's probably trying to show the new girlfriend what a good dad he is. When you say 'no you can't see the dcs, on advice of social services, but can do a zoom call', that enables him to tell the girlfriend you are a crazy ex stopping him seeing his kids, and it's all your fault.

Call his bluff, say his solicitor should contact you. In the meantime, write down all your concerns, the road rage, the abuse, the demanding he tell the dcs he's dead. Keep the texts if you still have them. That, together with SS involvement, and the input from the therapist should slow him down. Plus he moved away so it will be up to him to travel 11hr round trip to see them, at his cost.

My guess is it'll all be too much trouble and he'll scream some abuse and then give up.

You are well rid of him.

@Singleandproud has given good advice there. A zoom set up in the room is a good suggestion and then you look cooperative. Record everything, take screenshot and make notes when he doesn't show up for the call.

I'm not posting this question to have a go at you and i do appreciate that people might not be truthful during the initial stages of a relationship, but why did you have children with this man?

@Meadowfinch
thankyou for your advice . I will start writing everything previous down and keep adding the more I remember so if he does I should have a good amount. I’ve got all messages all screenshotted and saved just incase he did take legal action. He’s absolutely awful and when I heard he was in a relationship the amount of relief was unreal. when I was clearing out the attic and I found some solicitors letters stuffed into a corner from his ex and he was appalling to her and their child back then and looks like he hasn’t changed a bit. I’ve never seen them before and was always (as usual) led to believe it was all her doing. I’ve learnt the hard way it wasn’t and she was only doing best for her child

@ThisOldThang it’s a legit question and I question myself at times. But of course even after it all I would never be without my children now. So charming man who was the doting dad to his first born disappeared after the first was born. Stupidly I was young also. He was a lot of debt which I didn’t know about because he stopped paying and eventually caught up with him so money was tight and accidentally fell pregnant with my second. He wiped all my savings on his debts telling me it would solve the problems it didn’t. By then I had two young kids no money and no where to go . The usual cliche story of you really do not know the true person till you have a child.
i am ashamed but I wouldn’t be with my children in some ways they really have saved me

He would need thousands of pounds to pay lawyers to take you to court, and it doesn't sound like he's got that. He could theoretically start court action himself, but he again he doesn't sound like the sort of person who will sit down and work out how to do that, let alone comply with court timetables etc. So the strong likelihood is that he's trying to scare you, and your response has been absolutely right.