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Original poster

Ex threatening court please help

53 replies

Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 07:27

My ex hasn’t seen his children since March when I let him to come for contact. He spent 15 minutes with them. My six year old hid from him crying when his dad walked in and his dad told him to stop being an idiot. For a couple of weeks before we split he was claiming mental health and refusing to come home. Tried to get him to get help and refused. Text me insinuating he was going to commit suicide and to tell the kids he was dead and not coming back. Then kept on texting asking if I’d told them. Obviously I didn’t.
Then it came to light he started a new relationship on the 10 days after we split. Which was a relief to say I was rid of him in that aspect.
he is awful with the kids. Emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. Eldest is seeing a therapist to help him and the therapist reported disclosures to social services who was happy with what I was doing and because no contact was currently happening they wasn’t getting involved but made it clear if there was contact they would get involved.
anyway he text two days again asking to see them next weekend to which I’ve said no and told him what the therapist has said and social services and offered supervised . He’s threatened to get legal advice.
but I don’t know if it possible to him to do so because. He is of no fixed address as such. He tells everyone he is living in a work vehicle. His post goes to a family members address in the same town as me despite him living and working 5 and half hours from where we are with his girlfriend. I know she lives in a council house with her kids so I’m guessing doesn’t want to declare that due to benefits etc.
so my question is could he get legal advice? Or if so would court grant any unsupervised contact and make my children travel 5 and a half hours each way given the way he is with them?
im sorry for the long post I’m really scared

OP posts:
Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 09:17

@Scruffily No I don’t think he would pay all that money. Considering for his first child his parents paid for the whole court proceedings a solicitors despite him working and living at home. His parents are not involved and the only person who would potentially spur him on is his new girlfriend

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ThisOldThang · 08/06/2024 10:10

If he's trying to reel in a new victim, he might feel the need to project the image of doting and hard done by dad.

I'd sit tight and see what happens.

IncompleteSenten · 08/06/2024 10:14

Don't be afraid of court.

You really ought to tell him that you agree, it's sensible to get visitation and maintenance legally agreed and you'll wait to hear from his solicitor but in the meantime (whatever child arrangements you are happy with) and you'll wait for the court to rule on what they feel is in the children's best interest.

Threats are only made to scare you. Court isn't scary.

Fgshwga · 08/06/2024 10:22

@Moongazer23

He can get legal advice if he wants - they usually offer 30 mins free.

To go to court he would have to attempt mediation with you first (unless exempt) then he could take it to court and represent himself - which would just be the £250 ish fee - plus the cost of mediation (round here it's £100)

If he did all of that then cafcass would do safeguarding checks & if anything shows up with police / you with your concerns / social services then courts could order a section 7 to see how and if contact could take place.

This isn't a quick process - on average it takes anywhere from 2 months to a year. A section 7 has to be normally completed within 12 weeks + then you have to get the court date also.

Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 10:57

@IncompleteSenten have you been to court? There is some horror stories out there about the whole process and caffcass being biased.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 11:01

@Fgshwga right Thankyou have you experienced court?

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/06/2024 11:43

He's trying to intimidate you as he knows he has nothing and no leg to stand on .

If he does seek legal advice then great - his lawyer will advise him on all the ways he needs to sort himself out! This will only benefit your kids. It's good that you have evidence of all of this.

Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 12:22

@Unexpectedlysinglemum he literally has nothing. Best case all around is he just goes quiet and does what he’s best at and does nothing. He’s vile. Surely to god if he does pursue this the courts will see through him especially since he has had no contact by his own doing with his first child

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HistoryCasual · 08/06/2024 12:34

Lots of people have given you good advice. All I would emphasise is that having Social Services say they would get involved if he has contact will be to your favour. I strongly suspect it is all words, so just stay calm, tell him 'ok, if you want to get Court involved go ahead' . Just call his bluff!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/06/2024 13:07

Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 12:22

@Unexpectedlysinglemum he literally has nothing. Best case all around is he just goes quiet and does what he’s best at and does nothing. He’s vile. Surely to god if he does pursue this the courts will see through him especially since he has had no contact by his own doing with his first child

Yes. Don't worry. It's scary but don't let him scare you - you have all the power here and you're the safe good parent. Trust in and remember that x

Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 13:17

@HistoryCasual Thankyou, I have told him that’s fine and my solicitor will be waiting and his reply was ok that’s fine

OP posts:
Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 13:18

@Unexpectedlysinglemumthankyou that means a lot to hear. X

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Gettingbysomehow · 08/06/2024 13:24

Ignore him. The fool won't get anywhere with this. My ex tried it. Got nowhere.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 08/06/2024 13:31

I don't suppose you know his National Insurance number ? as CMS will be able to find out where and when he is working due to it.

Londongirl8922 · 08/06/2024 13:48

From the sound of his behaviour I don't think he would even be able to be near them, sounds like safe guarding issues there...your doing the right thing letting social services aware...I would make sure to keep all texts messages he's sent you...he will have to file a C100 form anyway at first and wait for the courts to get back to him...the fact he isn't even laying child maintenance either will be a big factor.. plus your eldest is having therapy because of him..please stay strong and call him bluff, just say that's fine me and my solicitor look forward to hearing from you (he won't know if you don't have a solicitor)

Londongirl8922 · 08/06/2024 13:49

Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 07:27

My ex hasn’t seen his children since March when I let him to come for contact. He spent 15 minutes with them. My six year old hid from him crying when his dad walked in and his dad told him to stop being an idiot. For a couple of weeks before we split he was claiming mental health and refusing to come home. Tried to get him to get help and refused. Text me insinuating he was going to commit suicide and to tell the kids he was dead and not coming back. Then kept on texting asking if I’d told them. Obviously I didn’t.
Then it came to light he started a new relationship on the 10 days after we split. Which was a relief to say I was rid of him in that aspect.
he is awful with the kids. Emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. Eldest is seeing a therapist to help him and the therapist reported disclosures to social services who was happy with what I was doing and because no contact was currently happening they wasn’t getting involved but made it clear if there was contact they would get involved.
anyway he text two days again asking to see them next weekend to which I’ve said no and told him what the therapist has said and social services and offered supervised . He’s threatened to get legal advice.
but I don’t know if it possible to him to do so because. He is of no fixed address as such. He tells everyone he is living in a work vehicle. His post goes to a family members address in the same town as me despite him living and working 5 and half hours from where we are with his girlfriend. I know she lives in a council house with her kids so I’m guessing doesn’t want to declare that due to benefits etc.
so my question is could he get legal advice? Or if so would court grant any unsupervised contact and make my children travel 5 and a half hours each way given the way he is with them?
im sorry for the long post I’m really scared

Also if your on instagram follow someone called LegallyNik she's a child protection lawyer and got some very good advise on there in her videos , definitely worth a look at

Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 14:04

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon
i gave them his national insurance number but they keep going on about needing an address. The employer he was working for had my address but he’s recently changed jobs I’ve found out so I’ve given them his new employer and his family members address where he is getting mail sent too. So they’re going to get intouch with the new employer and see if the addresses match or soemthing along the lines. If so they will continue the application if not it will go back on hold. He has told me he isn’t working and left his job whether or not that is because cms he caught up with him I do not no. Prob is the case if the new girlfriend doesn’t know about the kids and trying to hide it

OP posts:
Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 14:06

Thankyou I have called his bluff and told him my solicitor is waiting. We shall see. There is a lot of safeguarding issues just got to hope they don’t fall for the doting dad display he would no doubt put on if he did apply to court

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Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 14:09

@Londongirl8922 do you know if he did apply to court he would obviously have to put an address for him self on there. Would he for example be able to put an address on there that isn’t his address and doesn’t live there. He’s living 5 and a half hours away from the address he would prob use. He’s using that address as Cant put down his girlfriends address because she’s on benefits and he’s trying to not be found by cms

OP posts:
Londongirl8922 · 08/06/2024 14:10

Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 14:06

Thankyou I have called his bluff and told him my solicitor is waiting. We shall see. There is a lot of safeguarding issues just got to hope they don’t fall for the doting dad display he would no doubt put on if he did apply to court

It's a long process when it goes through the courts...the fact your kids are clearly scared of him he would have to have supervised visitation and he will have to pay for that, if you push for that aswel it will definitely have to come out of his pocket, even when he's goes out and about with them...the person walking around with you as to monitor him at all times and do feedback on every visit...he sounds like the type of person that wouldn't like that so would show his true colours ..the ball is definitely in your court ..I hope all goes well for you..please keep us updated

Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 14:24

@Londongirl8922
no he wouldn’t I’ve seen the reports from when he had to be supervised with his first child and they said he shouted at the child who was two years old at the time and was verbally abusive with who was supervising. Plus I think he would have to travel up to me for each supervised visit too wouldnt he?

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Londongirl8922 · 08/06/2024 14:32

Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 14:24

@Londongirl8922
no he wouldn’t I’ve seen the reports from when he had to be supervised with his first child and they said he shouted at the child who was two years old at the time and was verbally abusive with who was supervising. Plus I think he would have to travel up to me for each supervised visit too wouldnt he?

Well he probably wouldn't even get that then...yes he travels to you but when it comes to school holidays they might say you have to travel down to him with the kids but that's a big IF,from the sounds of it he sounds like he's got some sort of aggressive behaviour that he needs to work on first before he wants to see his kids, I would call up social services and get some advise or speak to your solicitor...

Londongirl8922 · 08/06/2024 14:48

Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 14:09

@Londongirl8922 do you know if he did apply to court he would obviously have to put an address for him self on there. Would he for example be able to put an address on there that isn’t his address and doesn’t live there. He’s living 5 and a half hours away from the address he would prob use. He’s using that address as Cant put down his girlfriends address because she’s on benefits and he’s trying to not be found by cms

I'm sure he would need to give them an address of where he's living...sorry didn't see this message

Original poster
Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 15:38

@Londongirl8922 I won’t be travelling down to him he took the car we had due to it being in his name even thought it’s sat idle for 5 full days a week to prove a point plus I can’t avoid to pay for transport all the way down there and then back again for myself

OP posts:
Londongirl8922 · 08/06/2024 15:41

Moongazer23 · 08/06/2024 15:38

@Londongirl8922 I won’t be travelling down to him he took the car we had due to it being in his name even thought it’s sat idle for 5 full days a week to prove a point plus I can’t avoid to pay for transport all the way down there and then back again for myself

If it was to be court ordered there won't be a choice as it's the same for my partner at the moment ...he travels a long way and doesn't drive and then his little ones mum as to come up here on school holidays only and she doesn't drive ...but obviously there is other factors for you in place of him being around your children anyway so it probably won't even get to that but maybe bring that up with your solicitor

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