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Original poster

Overwhelming guilt - 10 week old baby with a skull fracture

48 replies

Newtotheforums · 08/06/2024 01:38

I am almost too embarrassed/ashamed to write this post but I am currently in the hospital with my 10 week old baby and need some kind of reassurance that I’m not the absolute worst mother in the world.

We were coming out of a tube station today and she was unsettled so I was holding her, I just popped her back in the pushchair without putting any of the straps on her so my friend and I could carry her up the stairs and she slipped out the back of the pushchair and hit her head once on the stairs, I grabbed her immediately and we went straight to the hospital. She had a CT scan within an hour which showed a fracture in her skull, no bleeding of any kind just a bruise and a bump. We have been put under observation for 24 hours to make sure she has no signs of concussion. She has been feeding, kicking about and smiling as normal, just slightly fussier (understandably so).

I just can’t even begin to forgive myself and have been in tears for the majority of the day. I can’t stop replaying the incident and thinking about everything I should have done differently and how much worse it could have been. I feel completely terrified at the idea of going anywhere with her and feel like my anxiety is spiralling.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Doesn’t get better? I hate that I am making this about me but I am really not coping.

OP posts:
BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 08/06/2024 01:48

Oh, love, what a dreadful shock for you.

In the end, your baby is OK. You did exactly the right thing in getting immediate medical advice.

It was an accident. It really was an accident. OK you didn’t do up the straps but it was a moment’s mistake in a situation where you had her in and out of her pushchair each time you met steps.

We have all had stomach lurching moments with our babies, this is yours, and we all know the dread flashbacks. It’s natural, if you are loving mum

You had a bad day, but …. Your baby is OK. You love her, you are a good loving mum.

Get some sleep 💐

itspreposterous · 08/06/2024 01:49

Bless you, along time ago now but I've been there. My toddler son fell from the top of a slide, he stopped breathing and went blue and lifeless in my arms. Abit like your little one by the time he was put on a ward he was telling the doctors (there was a painting of a purple fish on the wall) that he'd got Nemos colour wrong and demanded a Ribena!
Going back to your post, yes it gets easier you'll be super vigilant for a while and when you start living your life dad to day with your baby and witnessing that she's fine this will become a terrible memory.

Codlingmoths · 08/06/2024 01:51

In a way op you’ve had an incredibly useful warning. You will never ever do that again and you will avoid any much worse accident. My 10 week old almost slipped out of my arms on the stairs of a ferry, I remember that feeling and it was years ago!

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Aquamarine1029 · 08/06/2024 01:57

You must forgive yourself and move on, op. Your baby is fine, and we have all made parenting mistakes. You know now that you should have used the straps and you will absolutely never make this mistake again. Telling your story will hopefully prevent another mum from making the same mistake.

Upminster12 · 08/06/2024 01:59

I was once returning home with my daughter in her buggy. I'd forgotten something and was flustered and didn't bother putting the brakes on when I stopped to fish out my keys. Before I realised the pram had rolled backwards down a small step at an angle, which tipped the buggy over sideways. My daughter - strapped in so couldn't put out her hands- landed full force on her head on concrete.

That was a few years ago and while I don't exactly look back and laugh, it's not something I think about or beat myself up about any more, she's brilliant and life has moved on. These things happen. You have plenty of lovely adventures ahead with your little girl.

Overthebow · 08/06/2024 02:10

You made a mistake, everyone makes mistakes. Yes this could have been a lot worse but thankfully it wasn’t. You’ll know now not to do it again.

whovotestory · 08/06/2024 07:31

Oh love, that sounds horrendous. I can't imagine how you feel. As others have said, you made a mistake. Yes, we have to be honest, it was a stupid and quite serious mistake with a small baby, and it has ended in a significant injury, and yes, it could have been a lot worse. That is all true. But nobody is going to be harder on you about what's happened more than yourself. So you are going to be your own punishment here. What hopefully this thread can do is give you an equal dose of the compassion and understanding that you can't give yourself right now. Because as parents we all make mistakes. We all do wrong. And our children all inevitably end up getting hurt. That doesn't make us bad mothers, just like what's happened to your baby doesn't make you a bad mother. You are not a bad mother. This incident doesn't need to define your parenting. So as hard as it is, and how terrible you feel, you need to dust yourself off and carry on being the loving and caring parent you quite clearly are (that much comes across in spades through your post). It sounds like your baby girl is going to be ok, and that's what matters. So hold her close and keep carrying on being her mum as best you can. It's all any of us can do

CremeFresh · 08/06/2024 07:39

Isn't a 10 week old baby too little for a pushchair, I thought they had to be in a bassinet at this age.

MumChp · 08/06/2024 07:41

CremeFresh · 08/06/2024 07:39

Isn't a 10 week old baby too little for a pushchair, I thought they had to be in a bassinet at this age.

Oh really?

We had a stroller/pushchair which was suitable from birth. No big thing.

Reallybadidea · 08/06/2024 07:48

Sounds like one of those tiny misjudgements we all make regularly but on this occasion it had a severe consequence. You didn't do it on purpose, you weren't doing something neglectful because you didn't care about your baby - it's just really bad luck that this tiny mistake led to this. Please try and be kind to yourself and seek help for your anxiety going forward Flowers

OMGsamesame · 08/06/2024 07:49

CremeFresh · 08/06/2024 07:39

Isn't a 10 week old baby too little for a pushchair, I thought they had to be in a bassinet at this age.

Pushchair, pram, buggy does it matter what OP called it?

I assume she's using one of the most popular models in London which has a special insert and straps for newborns

Reallybadidea · 08/06/2024 07:49

CremeFresh · 08/06/2024 07:39

Isn't a 10 week old baby too little for a pushchair, I thought they had to be in a bassinet at this age.

How is this helpful?

Maddy70 · 08/06/2024 07:53

Honestly. Every parent has lapses in judgement every single one of us (hard to believe with all the "perfect" parents on here

You will feel utterly guilty of course. The baby is fine and is getting the medical attentio necessary. And you definitely wont do this again

Try not to be too hard on yourself

user1471446019 · 08/06/2024 08:01

i tripped on the stairs over the cat when my daughter was about 10 weeks. I still remember the sick feeling of horror and scream from me as she fell. CT scan found a hairline skull fracture with no other injuries thankfully. I was distraught and the staff at the hospital were very kind. Not to minimize it as it could have been worse but the doctor said this happens all the time, babies being carried in Moses baskets and falling out, rolling of counters etc. We stayed overnight to be monitored and released the next day. She was ok thankfully, acting completely normal after her initial cry. She’s 4 now and completely fine. Hope your little one feels better soon. You are not alone with this. Take care of yourself too. Thinking about it still makes me feel sick.

Clawedino · 08/06/2024 08:02

OMGsamesame · 08/06/2024 07:49

Pushchair, pram, buggy does it matter what OP called it?

I assume she's using one of the most popular models in London which has a special insert and straps for newborns

Show quote history

Well in a pram (which a 10 week old is usually in) they don't get strapped in at all. I must say I did question this myself. I thought at 10 weeks they couldn't go in a buggy or pushchair yet as they shouldn't be in a sitting position at this age. But I may be unaware - perhaps there is one that can be used at this age.
Edit - perhaps it was a car seat stroller - that would make most sense, as then they do get strapped in!

I'm sorry this happened, OP.

Summerfreezemakesmedrinkwine · 08/06/2024 08:10

It's only by sheer good luck and cat like balance, the likes of which I've never before possessed, that I didn't take out both my toddler and my baby at the same time when I fell over the former while holding the latter and bringing down a bookcase in the tumble, requiring falling to the ground with gyroscopic skill while dragging the toddler along with my trailing leg.

HowWasTheEnd · 08/06/2024 08:28

What a shock. Hope she is feeling better today.

These things happen. I've dropped a baby out a car seat. No harm done but not my best moment.

It be interesting to see the comments if you were a man or a mother-in-law though! I suspect posters would be outraged

WimpoleHat · 08/06/2024 08:31

Oh - poor you and poor DD. What an awful thing to happen. Everyone - everyone - has made a small misjudgement when handling a small child. You were desperately unlucky that yours ended up with an injury. But that makes you an unlucky mother, not a bad one. Please try and be kind to yourself.

delilabell · 08/06/2024 08:38

There are pushchairs that are suitable from birth because the seat can be reclined backwards.
Op, try not to beat yourself up over it.
I dropped my baby when she was a few hours old but managed to catch her. I told no-one and it ate away at me and I think addded to me pnd.
Please look after yourself as much as little one and talk to people as much as you need to. Hopefully we can all reassue you it was an accident and your baby is OK. X x x

Funnywonder · 08/06/2024 08:41

I think as parents we have all misjudged things at some point and it's just sheer good fortune we haven't ended up at A&E. You did absolutely the right thing by seeking medical attention. It's completely understandable that you're feeling distraught. All the what if's etc. But everything is fine. Your baby is fine. Eventually your brain will quieten down move on to other thingsFlowers

cannonballz · 08/06/2024 08:41

accidents happen - I put my little one in a situation where a very serious and probably fatal head injury was missed by less than an inch - that was 20 years ago, and it is still branded on my heart. I didn't do anything terribly wrong, just a momentary misjudgement of a situation, we all make mistakes - impossible to get through decades of family life without them.

nobeans · 08/06/2024 08:45

You're not going to do it again. It's not like you've gone out deliberately to give your child a skull fracture. I hope little one is OK.

Vallmo47 · 08/06/2024 08:48

You’ve done the right thing by getting your baby checked over thoroughly OP, it was a terrible accident. Something similar did happen to me with my second baby, she was an extremely difficult baby, always screaming and fussing so when me and my husband had to go grocery shopping I used to have to carry her around the shop or she’d scream non stop. (Trust me on the screaming part, she once screamed 45 minutes straight in a car journey home simply because she wanted me to hold her). Anyway she also didn’t sleep through the night like EVER so I was extremely tired this particular day. When I placed her back in the car seat once leaving the shop I entirely forgot the straps, we lifted her off the trolley and she slipped out and hit the ground and bumped her head. I will never ever forget that moment, my heart stopped. Luckily she was fine too after a thorough check over and it never happened again.
Be kind to yourself Op, unfortunately these things happen and one day you can make another mum feel better with your memories … none of us are perfect. Glad your baby is okay too.

Overthebow · 08/06/2024 08:48

CremeFresh · 08/06/2024 07:39

Isn't a 10 week old baby too little for a pushchair, I thought they had to be in a bassinet at this age.

They’re too little for the ones you’re probably thinking of, but you can get some which have a newborn mode which do lie flat. They’re usually very compact models so popular in London.

violetcuriosity · 08/06/2024 08:49

I'm sorry this happened. When my second baby was 6 weeks I was pushing her and something flew into my eye. I thought I'd put the brake on the buggy and was trying to get whatever it was out of my eye, heard a bang and the buggy was on its side in the middle of the road. If a car had been coming she wouldn't be here today. If she hadn't been in her car seat and in the bassinet she would have been seriously injured. I still have the same thoughts you're having sometimes but I also know that it wouldn't have been deliberate and sometimes that's enough to forgive yourself. It will take you a while to process this but honestly, these things do happen. As an aside, when she was 6 months old my Dad took her out and didn't strap her in the buggy for some reason and she fell/slipped out and she was fine that time too. Really shook him up though. Hugs xxx

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