To preschool or not to preschool

[Springadorable]

We were all set to send our DS to preschool nursery in September. He was meant to start afternoons in May when he turned three but he still naps at lunchtime so we agreed with the school that it wouldn't be helpful for him to miss his nap and turn up grumpy and struggling. He doesn't go to nursery currently so it's going to be a big change.

I've just got back from the information session for parents. They have said that they want the children in five days a week. I was only planning on sending him 2-3 times a week as he has a lifetime of school and work ahead of him where he has to do Mon-Fri (although if he loved it and wanted to go more then that would be fine - however I'm anticipating an adjustment period where he doesn't want to go once the novelty wears off).

So now what do I do? Do I send him anyway for five days? Do three days and ignore the school (doesn't feel like getting off on the best foot)? Don't send him until reception and continue to do stay and play sessions to meet other kids? He doesn't have to go from a childcare point of view - I'm home anyway with his sister.

Is he 3 OP and is this a preschool attached to a Primary School?

I’m in a similar conundrum but it’s 5 mornings a week they insist on. I’m going to see how we go, and not worry too much if we have the odd morning ‘off’ for us to do something else. My eldest went straight from private nursery to school but I feel my 3 year old would do well in a preschool environment!

good luck whatever you decide!

Yes, just turned three. And it is attached to the primary

Sorry I wasn't clear - from September he'll be in the morning group so it's the same as you. I guess I'll do the same as you and see if they get pissy about it. I've just come away feeling really disheartened about it all.

He might not be needing a nap by September then but I do agree with you, 5 days is an awful lot. Is there another option? We send our DC2 to a pre-school at a local Nursery for initially 2 then 3 days a week.

Why not give it a try and if it doesn't go very well then take him out.
(It won't affect his Reception place or anything)
If it's just mornings it will be about a 3 hour session.
My girl did that. Some days she would fall asleep after lunch, some days not.
(she's a teen now and she actually told me the other day that some in her nursery class would curl up in the book corner and have a kip every so often)

Could you have a look at local preschools that are a bit more flexible and would be happy for your child to attend three mornings? I think school nurseries are often a bit rigid in their approach whereas preschools are often a bit more relaxed!

I would try it - it's a great stepping stone to school, and if it's attached to the primary school he'll attend then he'll make lots of friends. Get as many of those germs out of the way too!

5 days is fine, and again a useful build up to school - mine was in private nursery 5 full days a week from ten months, and then did a year in a preschool too (with the private nursery for wraparound) and she was STILL shattered when she started school. It really surprised me.

I wouldn’t - like you say, it won’t be long before he’s in full time school. At that age, mine went 2 days a week (which worked out 15 hours which I assume yours does). I much preferred that than everyday mornings/afternoons. Could you see if there’s a local church hall type preschool he could go to nearby?

Neither of mine went to pre school. To much of a faff fitting work in around the hours offered. They went to nursery instead which was a much more realistic set up for us.

My concern with going straight in at five days is that if he doesn't like it then it taints his experience and makes things harder long term. Obviously I can't predict the future, but I feel like I'd rather do a couple of mornings and build him up or delay until he's four and starting reception and hopefully avoid any emotional fallout.

I’m also wondering whether there’s another option in your area which offers more flexibility? My DS started at 3 years 4 months, just doing two sessions a week of 9-12. He then increased to three sessions after a term. It took some shopping around to find a setting which was open to this but it’s worked out well for us.

This is what I wanted. But the reason I'm sending him is to make friends with his cohort for school so doesn't make as much sense to send him elsewhere. From a childcare point of view he doesn't need to go so he's only going to benefit him. My area doesn't have many drop off type playgroups annoyingly.

@Springadorable when my daughter moved from the nursery class to reception class only about half of the class moved up.
Half went to different primary schools and half were "new" children - who had been at different nurseries (or at child minders or at home).
So don't worry that he will miss out on making friends if you don't send him - he won't be the only "newbie" when reception starts.

If you don't have to pay I would sign up for all the sessions and then inform them you would like a gradual start and don't send him in if it doesn't suit you.

If you have to pay above the fifteen hours I would look for a more flexible option - there's no legal obligation for him to attend every day obviously!

I think it's very beneficial for social skills to have preschool experience. Most will enjoy the experience too. Also will catch bugs that year rather than having to miss school

I think with a school pre school you really will need to send him every day as I found with mine that the learning/structure of followed on each day. I couldn't be as part time as I originally wanted.

Dd2 went as she hadn't been in formal childcare before and I thought it would be an easier transition to school. It did make the transition to reception easier but I'm not sure it was as helpful as I expected. She's now in reception and seems to love reception way more than preschool and I think she would have been the same regardless. I don't think it made much difference to her friendships as they mix the children up so children new to the school aren't disadvantaged socially.

I slightly resented sending her as it disrupted my day so much in her last year that she was "mine".

Dd1 went too a few years before and loved preschool way more than her day care nursery. For her it was a game changing help in the transition to school.

All in all, I think do whatever suits you for the immediate forthcoming year and worry about reception when you get there.

I can’t tell from your post if it’s mornings only or full days. If it’s half days then five of them really isn’t a lot. It’s best to have the routine of going every weekday for a shorter session.

Sorry, it's mornings 9-12. So not loads but enough to mean you can't do that much with the rest of the day.

That's really interesting, thank you. Lots to think about. I had assumed that it would help with friendships, but you and another PP have both mentioned that actually it isn't that important.

My kids both did mornings only five days a week at that age and it was great- really nice way of getting them into the routine of going every day but short enough that they didn’t get too tired. What are you worried about exactly? Honestly, you may well be surprised and he’ll love it!

It’s possible that they want you to sign up to all 5 morning sessions because they can’t easily offer another child just 1 or 2 morning sessions a week, so if you only do say 3 mornings then they may miss out on being able to claim the funding for the other two session. Many preschools are on the bones of their arse as they don’t charge parents top up fees and have to rely on the government funding.

Maybe discuss with the preschool whether he could take up the full 15 hours space but do for example two full days and one morning. It’s easier to manage and then you still get some full days off with him. Or say that you’re happy for them to register him for the 5 sessions worth of funding but that you don’t plan on sending him on Wednesdays to give him a break in the middle of the week.

DC1 went to the preschool attached to the local Primary. DC2 went to a different one.

Honestly after a couple of weeks you can't tell which DC knew one another before starting.

I would recommend pre-school - my DD(4) has loved the social aspect and it's been great for her to spend time away from me too before reception. I managed to find a pre-school that isn't attached to a primary (it's a registered charity and not for profit as opposed to a private day nursery) and they are very flexible on hours/days. Are there any other options in your area? The pre-school attached to DD's future school also insisted on 15 hours being taken from the start e.g. all mornings or afternoons (and then told me all of the spaces would likely be taken by 30 hour kids or 15 hour siblings of current pupils so not to bank on their being a space!)

A few things really. If he doesn't like it due to not being emotionally ready but would be fine in a year I don't want to poison the idea of school for him by having weeks of tears and upset. I'm concerned that going from no formal childcare to five days is going to be too much for him and he'll start getting overwhelmed meaning harder afternoons, bedtimes and more tantrums or him lashing out at either other kids at preschool or his little sister at home. His speech isn't super clear (but getting loads better) so not sure if he'll get frustrated trying to make himself understood. Basically all things that I feel could be mitigated for by doing fewer days (and building up if he loves it or not if he's taking time to adjust) or going straight into reception when he's a bit older.